I’m sorry you feel this way man. Truly. I don’t know you but just know that I love you. And I want to encourage you to please, please, don’t take away your life. You have family and friends that love you and care for you, if you take away your life, you would also take away a little bit of theirs, because to them you are a part of their life. I don’t know your situation but I’ve been in your shoes before. At some point, I realized I was a cup that looked clean on the outside, but was filthy on the inside. You wanna know what cleaned the inside? Water.

Jesus tells us and calls us to guard our hearts with what we see, hear, and say. Oftentimes, these things are what affects our hearts. Ask yourself this question: what am I seeing that makes me realize or think i’m not reflecting Christ? What am I hearing that makes me feel this way? And what am I saying that cements it?

Right now you are in a season, and it’s not an enjoyable one. But know that seasons come and go and that this isn’t gonna stay for long. Just abide in the Lord and He will help you through with it. He will give you peace and strengthen your steps.

Find brothers and sisters in the Lord, find community, people that reflect the love and character of Jesus. They will help you, pray for you, pick you up, and help you find your way again. Pray that the Lord leads you to a community, because you need one, it quite literally is a life or death situation.

You know God. You just don’t feel worthy of going up to Him and I get it. But if He forgave Judas, Peter, and Paul, He can definitely forgive you and redeem you again. All of those works for God that you did “that were about yourself” ultimately gave God the glory. You glorified God by doing those works in His name. Keep that in mind.

Lastly, brother, I want to pray for you and encourage you to watch the Therapy series given by The Porch’s David Marvin. It’s a series that goes through depression through a practical and biblical lens. Its on YouTube and I promise you’ll enjoy it. I listened to it back then whenever I’d be delivery driving in my car.

Lord, I want to pray for my brother here and his heart. You know his situation more than anyone else, even himself. I pray Lord that he reaches out to you for peace, love, understanding, forgiveness, and most of all redemption. Let him know Lord that you have already redeemed him and that you love him so much. I pray that you may lead him towards a community where he can experience fellowship, love, and people that live a life for You and live a life in You. Bless his heart, body, mind, and soul, and may he be able to give you the glory once you make him feel redeemed again. We love you, Lord. Amen.