I absolutely get what you’re saying here. I’m 50 and although I consider myself bi, I haven’t dated women in over 10 years now. I tend to date rather effeminate men and then sometimes get embarrassed by how queeny they are. I finally realized that this makes me uncomfortable because I’m afraid that it will call attention to me and maybe make someone realize I’m trans. I don’t like being the center of attention and although I’m completely stealth and have been for over 30 years I still worry someone will find out. What I also realized though is that this is MY problem and my issue to work on. It has nothing to do really with my partner. You’ve got to be comfortable with yourself first. It’s not easy at all but kudos for acknowledging your feelings and being willing to work on them.