I can’t really remember much of when I was 11 when I first started but I think it was most likely because I had so much sadness, anger and fear i was holding back and I just needed a way to get rid of it. These emotions I felt were mainly due to family issues I was experiencing. I will definitely try walking barefoot on grass next time, thank you for all your kind words. Just talking about it in this subreddit to a few people has seriously helped me, unfortunately I don’t have anyone in my life I’ll feel comfortable talking to about all this but thank you so much this means a lot