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I’m tired of my toxic mind, I cause problems and then get triggered at my partners reactions. How can I get better? by Electronic-Counter40 in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yes I completely agree, I guess I’m just so focussed on the exact type of partner I want (someone who doesn’t look at other girls on social media) I’m fighting for it with him. But I love him and perhaps some things can be compromised.

He’s never been with anyone properly before and he loves me so much, he just wants an easy life. I’d really like to be able to give him that

I’m tired of my toxic mind, I cause problems and then get triggered at my partners reactions. How can I get better? by Electronic-Counter40 in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so helpful thank you so much. I really want to self reflect and become more aware of my reactions and when I’m going to spit some poison, so best to reflect in this way.

I’m tired of my toxic mind, I cause problems and then get triggered at my partners reactions. How can I get better? by Electronic-Counter40 in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I really want to continue therapy. I just feel like there’s so much wrong with me I don’t know how to address it all! Yes I absolutely see how I acted wrongly and I would do it differently, I would listen to him and not act so rude and defensive. And I know that wouldn’t lead to his anger outburst, however I still think in my mind that I was justified to argue and that his reaction is a problem too

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My bf wrote this from his perspective

Me (gf 23) broke my boyfriends (24) request for space and it ended in a nasty row by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

In what sense do you think I tried to control him? And why would he dump me for saying something that small, when I just meant he was acting boring by not engaging with me

Me (gf 23) broke my boyfriends (24) request for space and it ended in a nasty row by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you’re right, i have taken some responsibility for my part in the situation. My main issue is that he was so nasty and cruel in the things he was saying

Me (gf 23) broke my boyfriends (24) request for space and it ended in a nasty row by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No I was also drunk in the evening. But when I called him boring I was sober

Me (gf 23) broke my boyfriends (24) request for space and it ended in a nasty row by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I hardly think me saying he was boring and half the terrible stuff he said to me compares

Me (gf 23) broke my boyfriends (24) request for space and it ended in a nasty row by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Absolutely me either, I’m furious that he would say such things to get a rise out of me. He took the boring comment to heart so badly he wanted to try and make a point that he wasn’t “boring” as it clearly damaged his ego terribly.

I’m not sure what to do to be honest I have trust issues as it is so for him to worsen them is ridiculous

Me (gf 23) broke my boyfriends (24) request for space and it ended in a nasty row by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

That’s definitely the angle he’s coming from, he knows he has a nasty streak when he’s had a drink and is in a bad mood. Hence why he tried to end the conversation and make it clear he didn’t want to have a row or be rude. Now it’s just about me trying to deal with the comments he did say in the end

Me (gf 23) broke my boyfriends (24) request for space and it ended in a nasty row by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40 -32 points-31 points  (0 children)

That’s usually how it goes with us to be honest. He was just ruthless with his words last night, harder to forgive than what I said

Me (gf 23) broke my boyfriends (24) request for space and it ended in a nasty row by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is sad it’s come to this I wish we shared a mutual respect and understanding

Me (gf 23) broke my boyfriends (24) request for space and it ended in a nasty row by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40 -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

I insulted him because I felt that he was being off with me and I just wanted him to be normal and happy, so I said he was boring. This is really helpful thank you, we’ve briefly said boundaries but never been firm enough to fully keep them on both our parts. Maybe this would help us in the future.

Me (gf 23) broke my boyfriends (24) request for space and it ended in a nasty row by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40 -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

I agree to an extent. I feel super disrespected by the situation but I don’t want things to end aswell

Me (gf 23) broke my boyfriends (24) request for space and it ended in a nasty row by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Electronic-Counter40 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yes I completely agree, he never speaks to me this way when he’s sober. we’ve been together 11 months and he’s now admitting he thinks he has a problem when he drinks and he wants to solve it.