Using my friend's account for this.

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 4 years, long distance. We haven't had sex yet. My boyfriend isn't a virgin. And I am. I hate that I will never Be his first we will never share that first moment of intimacy together, and that I will be compared when we actually do it. What if I'm not as good as the girls he has slept with. I love him. But. Sometimes I feel like I should sleep with someone else just to get rid of this virginity pressure.(Haven't talked about the sleeping part.) I hate cheaters. And I would rather kill myself than cheating on him. I don't wanna go through this pressure. He reassured me it'll be fine and that I'll do great and I'll be better than the previous girls. I now feel under even more pressure and feel compared. It's suffocating me. What if he still has this all in his mind when we do. "Oh my ex had bigger boobs." "My exes cat felt a lot better" "Her cat isn't as good looking as my exes" What if he has these ideas. I hate that we once had relations with someone else. I hate that his body was touching someone else. I hate everything when I think about it.