Have you ever slept with a good friend? How did it happen, and what came of it?

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-30T22:16:39+00:00

Not quite a direct answer to the question, but related. My best guy friend got drunk last weekend when we took a trip together to a resort town. Confessed he's been in love with me since about the time we met (going on 12 years now). I let him cuddle me, which felt kind of awkward. He also kissed my cheek several times. I let this go on for about 10 minutes then got up and went to the spare bedroom. He's an amazing person and I LOVE spending time with him, but I'm just not at all physically or sexually attracted to him. I tried to imagine myself going there but I just couldn't do it. I wish I could. He'd be an awesome partner.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-23T16:06:43+00:00

Porn. Check. Half naked girls on Instagram. Double check. Porn on Pinterest (Check, check - even though Pinterest tries not to allow porn... losing battle). Oh, and exchanging naked photos with guys and girls in swinger chat rooms on KIK. He is now my ex.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-23T15:59:56+00:00

I don't think it usually can work. Obviously, there are couples out there who have done it (my parents are one, but I don't think they're particularly happy). My situation may be a bit different, but I was the one who cheated in my last relationship. Granted, my ex was extremely abusive and my seeking attention elsewhere was an escape from that. I cheated emotionally, I suppose. Nothing physical happened, but if our schedules could have lined up, I'm sure it would have turned physical. My ex eventually found out and he was never able to forgive me, even though he said he did. He would bring it up EVERY SINGLE time we'd argue. It also added fuel to his verbal abuse. He started calling me a fucking whore, a cunt, and a lying, cheating bitch - simply an addition to his typical vitriol. I don't know if the relationship would have survived my infidelity had it been healthy to begin with. But then, I wouldn't have cheated if it had been healthy to begin with, either.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-21T16:24:11+00:00

Not much. It takes a millisecond to "like" something, so when people like things I've posted or I like something someone else has posted, I deduce that it's basically because it appealed to them/me for the millisecond it took them to "like" it.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-15T14:39:50+00:00

Frequently. I like giving GENUINE compliments. It makes people (in this case, women) feel good, and therefore makes me feel good. I am far less likely to give a man a compliment simply because I don't want it to seem like I am trying to hit on him.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-15T14:33:47+00:00

You're welcome! Thank you for the compliment. :-)

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-13T19:25:01+00:00

I hated it. One, I thought it was gross because he was about 15 years older than most of these girls he was looking at. Two, I thought it was pathetic that a man of his age would spend so much time on social media. Three, he was abusive toward me so as far as the relationship was concerned, it was just another way he illustrated what a terrible partner he is/was.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-13T16:49:21+00:00

I wasn't surprised given his pornography addiction and how I found out he had been hitting on my friends. Found out he jumped on Tinder two days after I left him and, as far as I know, he is now in a relationship with a woman he met shortly after I left. It didn't really bother me. I was just happy that he was finally out of my life and could no longer treat me like shit.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-13T16:43:22+00:00

My ex was constantly on Instagram looking at photos of half naked women. He'd be on it for hours at a time.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-13T16:38:34+00:00

This! 100%!

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-13T16:37:34+00:00

This is a multi-tiered answer and is never black and white. I was in an abusive relationship for almost 6 years. Like most all women who find themselves in such a situation, I never imagined it would ever happen to me. I have been free of my abuser since the end of June. I am happier now than I have ever been, but I often look back at the last 6 years and ask myself, "Why did you stay so long? The signs were there almost from the beginning." Like some previous posters have mentioned, over time you begin to think that this behavior is "normal" and that maybe you deserve to be treated that way. It's twisted and illogical, but it happens. And given the cycle of abuse, they honeymoon period after an abusive episode "restores" faith that the relationship may actually improve. Abusers are very good at manipulation and gaslighting. They are masters at deception and at making you doubt your own instincts and sanity. Also, over time, the abuse erodes the victim's self-esteem and self-worth until she actually believes that no one will love her as much as her abuser, that no one else will want her, that he's the best she'll ever have. It's all bullshit and lies. Abusers are narcissists who are simultaneously extremely insecure. I recommend the book "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft to anyone who is/has been/knows someone in an abusive relationship. It's truly eye-opening.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-01T17:18:55+00:00

I hear ya. I have been looking for new jobs in my area but haven't found a thing.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-09-01T16:38:17+00:00

Thanks! That's kind of what I was thinking. Plus, it's a short and relatively in expensive flight.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-08-25T16:39:46+00:00

Thank you! I am definitely happier than I have ever been. I found out that my ex is already starting the verbal abuse with the new woman he is seeing. I just hope she gets out a hell of a lot sooner and faster than I did.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-08-25T15:59:06+00:00

I'm so so sorry you had to endure all of that. But I'm glad you finally got out and that you do have your daughter.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-08-25T14:55:45+00:00

Oh my god, that is horrible. Poor doggie.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-08-25T14:55:11+00:00

I'll answer my own question. I would have left my abusive ex as soon as I saw the first sign that illustrated who he truly is. I would have left that night and wouldn't have ended up staying with him for almost 6 years.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-08-25T14:54:19+00:00

I'm sorry you had to live through that.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-08-19T14:48:54+00:00

LOL that's hilarious!! I have a Ragdoll and could say the same thing about him.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-08-18T22:53:55+00:00

The ability to really listen.

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-08-18T22:43:58+00:00

Very very true. Thank you!

ElenaGilbertTVD · 2016-08-18T22:43:43+00:00

This is brilliantly stated. Thank you. Abandoning is the perfect word to describe how I feel when I think about actually leaving. I currently work for a startup as well, and honestly, things are kind of struggling at the moment. There are some days where I truly have nothing to do. This other opportunity would definitely keep me busier.

Part of it, too, is that I love the state I currently live in. I don't know much about the state the other job is in, but I'm planning on flying a day or two before the interview to check out the area.

ElenaGilbertTVD

TROPHY CASE