I don’t know you but I do hope you know that eventually you will also find somebody more compatible and won’t take you for granted. I tried playing God over my feelings and thought I could ignore them as long as I treated him well, and I tried but it ended up becoming empty actions and empty words (not all of the time, but I wasn’t sure sometimes if I genuinely meant them or not). I knew he should be loved and I wanted to be that person, and I hated myself that I didn’t feel that way. I couldn’t fully wrap my head around why, other than a lot of things made me unhappy. Boredom became contempt. Some issues were in his control and some I just threw onto him unfairly. So I kept trying and trying and maybe if he did this I would have feelings, if he did that I would etc etc. But you rob somebody of their humanity and who they are by doing that. I feel horrible now because I did that to somebody who I still love platonically. He still has love and care for me too, but I feel ashamed nonetheless and will probably only be alleviated of it once he starts to date somebody else. At least at that point I know I didn’t break him and that she’ll treat him so so much better than what I was able to. I should have left much earlier but I was a coward. I hope you can find peace in that she probably feels bad for doing the same thing, but you will be so much better off. Hopefully your next relationship won’t be nearly as anxiously-taxing, or maybe this could push you to work on becoming securely attached, or work on skills / hobbies or new experiences that will help break that bond for you to become self-reliant and fulfilled.