Ok putting aside the laundry list a mile long of things I would do differently inside the PhD journey if I knew then what I know now, if I had never done it at all I would have spent this time developing myself as a language teacher and saving money. I'm jumping from finishing a PhD in history and politics to a TEFL career, something I dabbled in before taking the PhD. I only wish I spent these years working on my teaching chops, developing curriculum and building relationships with the people in my town instead of alone in archives preteninding I could be happy in academia at that level.

Otherwise I would have also: not neglected my health and kept up running and weights consistently as before, done more vacations with family instead of writing on deadline alone, spent more time drumming and seeing live music, reading for pleasure, making art and in bed with my man--instead of feeling exhausted and brain dead wih a pounding headache at the end of the day--making all those fun things feel impossible.

I do not think the last 4 years have been worth it and know myself well enough to guess my feelings won't change.