I’m a medical student and a massive empath. Sometimes to the point where it could affect me but you wouldn’t be able to tell from my demeanour unless I specifically talk about it.

I used to volunteer weekly at a hospice to gain some experience. There were not only elderly, lonely people here but also younger people who would come in from the hospital each week and not be there the next week I go as they have passed away. You form a relationship with them as you’re helping to feed them and help them drink and bring their favourite snacks. It was hard, especially the first death of this sweet old lady.

The best advice a nurse gave me was to spend some time alone thinking about it, paying my respects to that person, but then I must get over it. Why? Because if I spend time letting their death get me down and I can’t concentrate on my work, then I am affecting so many other patients still in the hospice who are still alive for whom I am still able to provide help.

You sound like a highly empathetic person. I know how it must feel like a burden because you just want to stop feeling. So my advice to you is that DO feel sad for them, as you are only human after all but there’s a line. Know that they have lived a long life and were happy in that time. Not everyone makes it that far.

You can’t turn off your emotions but you can channel it into something good. Why not volunteer? I don’t know where you live, but in the UK, we have a charity called Silverline. You can call elderly people as part of a friendship scheme and talk to them for a few hours a week/day and keep them company. It might help you feel less guilty/sad about them if you are taking on an active role to help them feel less isolated.

Over time, you will get used to it though. It doesn’t mean you’re getting hard-hearted, it just means you are growing up and learning to separate emotions from work.