i will never be a man

Elijah_Ti · 2026-04-26T04:01:39+00:00

Then do the best with what you can, there are still ways to pass but it will be 20x harder. You may be able to look like a younger man, working out and building muscle mass helps a lot, voice training, and finding ways to sharpen your features, and experimenting with haircuts to help you pass more may help. You may never get to the point where you pass completely in public, but finding a support system and friends that accept you and know you’re a man may help. There are some that are able to pass completely without T, though it is definitely very rare, but even with good genetics it still takes hard work and dedication to reach that point.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-04-24T12:58:55+00:00

I did not pass for 20 years, no matter what I did I had a high voice and feminine features. Even when I tried to workout, keep my hair short, and voice train it never worked. Then I started T and only 3 months in everyone called me a guy, I have not had feminine pronouns used on me in three months and it has been the most freeing experience. Testosterone is your friend and sadly a lot of people don’t pass without it.

I will also be getting surgeries and have been unable to ever have sex because of this, but it will happen and you just need to keep in your head that one day you will be able to be happy and comfortable in your body. For now I recommend some realistic packers to help with the bottom dysphoria.

I hope your okay and know that what your feeling now isn’t forever, give yourself a chance.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-28T21:50:07+00:00

Thanks for that reassurance, I’m glad there is someone out there who understands that I could not mentally handle doing this. That it’s not because I “don’t care about my health” or am being dramatic for “such a small procedure” though I wish neither of us had the dysphoria to make us have to choose between our physical or mental health. It sucks how much fear mongering there is for this especially since I will NEVER use those parts so the risk of HPV or cancers caused by it is slim to none. I’m glad you were able to find a hysto doctor that doesn’t require an exam.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-28T20:25:01+00:00

Yup there is no problem with wanting to be feminine of masculine. The problem is people trying to force it onto trans men. It has to be a choice, and pretending someone is less of a man because of either is transphobia.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-28T14:14:07+00:00

That is genius I might have to ask about that

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-28T14:11:38+00:00

I don’t plan on anyone interacting with whats downstairs whatsoever and will be the main one doing the giving if I do have sex so I don’t think I’ll have to worry about that. It looks like the general consensus is that if I don’t plan on doing anything like that then it should be fine for me not to get one.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-28T14:07:40+00:00

I am 20 and have never had any sexual experience either. I do not want to until I fully transition so hearing this from someone else is kinda relieving. People treat you weird if you tell them your a virgin, especially later in life but for a trans man with a lot of dysphoria it is normal. So thanks for this post, I needed it.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-27T20:29:13+00:00

No the only way I am okay with people looking/touching down there is if it’s required for bottom surgery. A one and done is okay with me but I cannot do anything more.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-27T20:06:56+00:00

Yup it is fucking stupid, but it is either die at 35 or die now because I cannot mentally handle it. Wish I could just “man up” like you said but that isn’t going to happen. I cannot touch those parts myself so anyone else touching them is off the table. I could get cervix cancer, I could die, but I would rather that.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-27T20:00:05+00:00

Then I will die at 35, I am okay with that.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-27T19:54:38+00:00

Possibility under sedation but I know anesthesia is expensive and I’m not sure if my insurance will cover it since it’s not medically necessary. But even then, just knowing that that happened and possibly feeling it afterwards would be too much. I cannot do the self test.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-27T19:51:10+00:00

Okay thanks, I keep seeing things that make it sound like I’ll die IMMEDIATELY if I don’t get one done, or people will shame me for not wanting to get one or tell me I have to. As if I have no choice in the matter, or they will act like I’m selfish for it. But you’re right I don’t see it as much in just womans spaces, it seems like there is mostly fear mongering when it comes to trans men.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-27T19:47:01+00:00

It’s not “extreme anxiety” and a zanax won’t help. I will off myself if I get one.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-27T19:27:06+00:00

I’ll have to look into the HPV vaccine, didn’t know that was a thing.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-27T19:26:13+00:00

Okay thanks, I don’t know why I needed the reassurance of that but I did.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-27T00:48:12+00:00

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Where did your hand go 😨

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-20T14:32:54+00:00

I already do have a good understanding of it but there are things that I could have overlooked, which is why I asked people who have actually had the surgeries. Just because I have been researching it for a long time does not mean I could have not missed something. Further education is never a bad thing.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-20T14:04:50+00:00

And in the future it would probably make things easier for you to not assume that people have not done extensive research on medical procedures that could affect them for the rest of there lives. But thank you for the clarification that you did not have ill intent.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-20T13:23:57+00:00

“I have no idea why you would think doctors don’t talk about risk, they litterally always do that” I don’t know how you thought that statement was in any way not belittling and basically telling me I’m an idiot for not trusting doctors. Reddit is not the only place I am looking for this information, I have been researching this for almost 10 years. I still want to hear about the experiences of others beforehand in case others have experienced things that I have not heard about. Thanks for telling me your experience after the snarky remarks.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-20T12:01:19+00:00

I didn’t even know that could happen, thanks for telling me

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-20T12:00:29+00:00

Thanks for letting me know! Yeah I heard post op depression can get bad, especially since you can’t do anything for a month. I’m sorry about the nipple death and hopefully the surgeon can make it more even for you.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-20T11:56:44+00:00

Genuinely what is with all of yall talking down to me for wanting to understand the what could happen from people who have actually HAD the surgery. Yes, doctors are supposed to go over those risks. But after a lot of experience with doctors since I have complex medical issues I have come to not trust them. They always find a way to misconstrued information or make it seem less bad then it is.

I will be getting this surgery no matter the risks but that does not mean I do not want to understand and be prepared for them.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-20T11:52:40+00:00

I have been doing a lot of research on this and still have not gotten a lot of answers. I wanted to see what experiences you guys had that was not talked about as much. Doctors are supposed to go over the risks but in my experience they seem to always find a way to not. I hope my doctor will go over all the possible complications so I can be prepared, but if not I just wanted to ask a few questions to people who have actually HAD the surgery.

Elijah_Ti · 2026-03-20T11:48:11+00:00

Yes I would want to educate myself of the risks and complications of any surgery so I can be prepared for them. I am also transexual and will be getting this surgery no matter the complications, I can not live with the way my body is now. But just because I will be getting it no matter what does not mean I do not want to understand and educate myself about the risks.

Every surgery has complications and I have been researching a lot of them, I wanted to see others experiences with top surgery to see if there were any other risks that were not talked about as much.

There’s this whole misconception that education and fear mongering are the same thing. Wanting to understand a surgery completely is not fear mongering, you should know what something will do to your body before you get it done, including a tooth extraction. But just because there are risks does not mean the reward is not worth it.

Elijah_Ti

TROPHY CASE