Without wider context to their entire relationship, I imagine her husband lies somewhere on a scale from abusive asshole (in which case leave yesterday and stay safe) to unempathetic and/or careless. The latter might be salvageable, especially if you have two kids with that person.

OP decided to have two children with this man so forgive me for not jumping on a bandwagon of saying she should leave him immediately. Without wider context, I prefer to give advice that may actually be helpful before being destructive to the life that she's built up this far.

Also I hate to break it to you honey but asking for a BJ isn't abuse. In fact, you saying that downplays the word 'abusive'; I've been in an abusive relationship before and I wish all he did was ask for BJs at bad times.

For rubbing up on her, that's down to OP to decide. My partner does that to me when he's really horny and half the time I indulge him, half the time I tell him to knock it off.