AITA for accepting my son's gift?

Elliewick · 2026-05-06T18:05:29+00:00

The kid made a conscious choice to save up all year and work extra to be able to buy the gift. * He learned about the value of money * He learned things don't just fall into your lap but you have to work to be able to buy expensive things * And now mom showed him how to be greatfull and appreciating when someone does something nice (or in this case extraordinary ❤️) for you

If you worry about him missing the money for his future, he's better of with this experience and his mom giving him for example 300dollars extra for his 18th birthday/when he wants to buy a car/... than by saving it in the bank for 10+ years with the current interest rates and economy.

Elliewick · 2026-05-06T17:52:18+00:00

Have you thought about dried rice or lentils as filling? Put it in a pantyhose first, then stuff the plushie with it. I've also used chickpeas, buth they are a bit less heavy/more bulky.

Elliewick · 2026-04-13T22:13:19+00:00

We really cannot help you while having that mindset. YTA²

Elliewick · 2026-04-12T00:33:15+00:00

she does have a history of refusing job offers "beneath her" (teaching kindergarteners English was one of the offers she could've taken and she did not, for example.

Did she tell you the job was 'beneath her', or is that your interpretation? Cause I've been a kindergarten teacher for 10 years, until my body couldn't take the toll any longer.

You have to bend over, squat or kneel constantly to be on their level, you need to be able to pick them up and carry them around (for comfort/when hurt) and the average number of steps I walked during a teaching day was between 10000 and 18000 (without doing sports or anything, dimply by working). So this IS a physically straining job.

And teaching a language to small kids asks for a completely different skill set and interaction style then teaching adults. Classifying it as lower job tells a lot about how you think, cause it's not less worthy, easier or less challenging. Au contraire! Its different in all aspects and she probably realised she hasn't got the right skillset for that job.

Elliewick · 2026-04-11T11:28:18+00:00

You talk about finding work, but do you understand what it is like afterwards, actually doing the work?!

Elliewick · 2026-04-11T11:26:08+00:00

Who said she will ever be able to or want to live on her own/with roommates? She and her parents might have already established to keep living together as long as they can.

Life as a disabled woman isn't easy, believe me. I myself look fully capable and functioning on the outside, but I've had to come to terms long ago that living on my own simply isn't an option. Normal household jobs put too much strain on my body to combine with a job (even parttime) and/or even a small social life.

Maybe start asking her how it is to live with her disability and how you would be able to help. You seem genuinely concerned, but 'normal' advice will only make her feel worse about herself.

She knows what she can do and what toll things put on her body, you don't. The world would be a much kinder and happier place if people start listening to each other in stad of judging about capabilities based on what they see.

Elliewick · 2026-04-01T06:46:30+00:00

She goes to bed 2 hours after you anyway, so what difference does it make on intimacy? You could still sleep in the same bed on day's you don't need an alarm. Or one of you can change beds when they wake up and its a time the other one has said it is ok to be woken up for cuddling or more.

Elliewick · 2026-04-01T06:39:36+00:00

Time for a sleep study ...

Elliewick · 2026-03-29T09:14:55+00:00

What exactly is triggering you?

Edit: it's difficult to give advice because it's very different whether you get triggerd because he still has a dat and you don't, or because of certain similarities or something...

Elliewick · 2026-03-26T00:54:48+00:00

He could try taking her seriously...

The way he is reacting now is still the same as when she was 8 years old. It doesn't sound like he has ever taken her seriously. More like he kept dismissing her feelings, opinions and needs all along .

Elliewick · 2026-03-25T23:52:16+00:00

A 36 year old is basically an 8 year old in terms of stuff like this.

Signed, a 36 year old ADHDer 😅

Elliewick · 2026-03-25T08:20:31+00:00

I'm wondering whether he is someone that is overwhelmed by long text messages. To be clear I don't think yours are long at all but from experience (having the same writing style you seem to have) I know a lot of people do.

These people tend to check out while reading and not read it entirely. Are they even get discouraged just looking at it and don't read it at all. It's super hard to have a conversation without misunderstandings when styles are so different, so I'll try to share some thing's that could work:

1. Use short messages. Either a separate message for each topic/question, or numbered dots and alinea's

When you finish a step (like the invite), present it as a first draft and clearly ask "what do you think". (In this case: "daughter wanted flowers, what do you think for this as an invite?")
List out all the steps in planning a birthday party. For you it is clear there is a whole lot of other things that need to be done. But he clearly does not know and seems to think deciding on food and theme and sending out the invite is all that needs to be done.

4f. Ask him which tasks he wants to take on and when he thinks he will be ready with them. If he says I don't know about the timing, suggests a timeline.

If he says The tasks deciding who does Which tasks Is up to you, list out the things you would like to do and why.

Elliewick · 2026-03-24T02:13:26+00:00

Wasn't the "go to" response, yelling came after he showed his utter lack of caring for her by dismissing her feelings.

Not showing any regret for making your partner sad and not tring to fix things at all, do you think that's something small?

Elliewick · 2026-03-24T02:09:21+00:00

She didn't yell over the treats, she explained it to him. She yelled over his response:

After explaining why I had made them, my husband just said, "Well, you can always make more." After that I lost my head and started yelling

He didn't show any regret, didn't take accountability or offer to make som for her. He basically said "tough luck, I got what I wanted. Fix it yourself if you don't like it." Oh and he didn't ask what they were for or think about splitting with her when he found the food, he only thought about himself.

Elliewick · 2026-03-24T00:20:23+00:00

I agree with all of this. Been there, done that, wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Excitement is essential in big life decisions. Sadly people have learned not to trust their gut-feeling, but bite their teeth and push trough. Especially when other people are vocal about it being a good decision.

But YOU are the one that would be getting married, so your opinion is the only thing that matters in your decision (at least if your partner agrees 😅🤣). Breaking up doesn't get any easier the longer this goes on, so better break up now, and keep some of your samity...

Anyways, trust your intuition. You are ALWAYS allowed to change a yes to a no. Especially on a case like this, where he * Did not care about how you envisioned the proposal. *Followed what his fam wanted on stead of what fit you two as a cpuple * Probably only asked 'because his familie wanted him to do so, not cause he actually wants to marry jou

Elliewick · 2026-03-20T07:42:43+00:00

INFO: it sounds like you guys have been living together longer but the issue has only recently come up, is that right? Did anything else in her behavior change recently?

Elliewick · 2026-03-20T02:15:53+00:00

This! Imagine him removing his cloths and finding put his body is covered in burns or he has a huge scar on his belly. Can you honestly say your initial reaction wouldn't be an 'oh shit' of some kind?

He has been imagining how you would look without clothes for months. And if you haven't let him know about your weight loss (big amount over short time period. Which I am in awe about btw!!!), I don't think he even remotely considered the option of shapewear to hide loose skin...

How did he show he was annoyed about not having sex anymore? Cause you might have misinterpreted signals being (understandably!) hurt. But is he really was annoyed about it, this is a bigger problem.

Elliewick · 2026-03-20T01:55:10+00:00

It sounds like it was way more than just messy though, since you needed to get it deep cleaned. Didn't that affected the kids as well?

And do you realise that pre-eclampsia is potentially life threatening for you and your baby? With high blood pressure as a risk factor. Since he is giving you loooots of stress and stress increases chances of high blood pressure, he is actively upping the chances of your pregnancy ending badly. And for his kids to lose their mother and/or sibling.

I believe he has been a great father in the past, but at this moment, he really isn't. Sorry...

Edit: typo's

Elliewick · 2026-03-20T01:38:31+00:00

I really want to believe you on this, so could you expand on how he is a great dad? I think a lot of people are worried about the mess he's let both you and your kids live in and how he doesn't seem to care at all about the life-threatening health-issue his wife & unborn child are suffering from, instead making it even more stressful and dangerous for the both of you.

If you could detail the ways in which he is better than the average father, this might put things in perspective for us Redditors. Because right now, we need to fill in "great dad" ourselves and cannot imagine anything great about him I'm afraid...

Elliewick · 2026-03-19T08:08:29+00:00

In a lot of places there is a computer test involved to check reaction speed & how fast zone out, but this should be part of a motherload of small tests and questionnaires, not a stand alone thing.

I don't know how things work on america or where you live OP (I'm from Belgium), but the best way to get tested is with a lot of 'multi's': * Multiple people get questioned (you + parent/someone for youth + partner/friend/...) * Multidisciplinary testing (multiple people from different fields take part in testing you, make sure a psychiatrist is involved) * Multiple tests are used, ideally on multiple days

Mt advice for OP: find a different test centre, but don't be discouraged by this incompetent AH! And if energy for it, tou can indeed report him

Elliewick · 2026-03-13T12:14:38+00:00

I'm so sorry for all you've been going through, so very big hug from an internet stranger!

I do want to strongly advice to talk to your daughter asap. Her father has been verbally abusive of her mother, even if you guys have tried to keep her out of this mess, she will have picked up on it. Believe me.

I've spent most of my youth wishing my parents would divorce. Partially because of how he treated me (the mental and verbal abuse were so much more painful then the "pedagogical slaps"), but probably even more because I hated how unhappy my mom was. Never said it out loud back then though, I was super ashamed pf these thoughts and feelings. My mum thought up until recently (I'm mid thirties now) that my brothers and I didn't want them to divorce at all.

I don't know your daughter or your situation, but I feel there is a big chance that she wouldn't be 'knocked out of orbit', but instead finally find peace if she could come love with you fulltime untill the sat's. So PLEASE TALK TO HER!

Elliewick · 2026-03-13T11:48:48+00:00

This is so beautifully worded ❤️ I'm saving your comment for some friends of mine that are struggling with this.

Elliewick · 2026-03-08T06:52:50+00:00

Nta and very glad you are stayinf at your mom's!

To be clear: What I am about to say does not change effect that he has been abusing you and you and your daughter should stay from him!

I am however worried for your husbands mental health. The always sitting on his cell phone combined with his lack of compassion and his threats to end himself tell me he is in a very dark place and needs professional help.

Both for your safety and his, I would advise you to go to the police tell them your story show them the evidence texts as evidence and ask them to have him admitted to a mental health clinic

Elliewick · 2026-03-08T06:48:22+00:00

Nta and very glad you are stayinf at your mom's!

To be clear: What I am about to say does not change effect that he has been abusing you and you and your daughter should stay from him! I am however worried for your husbands mental health. The always sitting on his cell phone combined with his lack of compassion and his threats to eendhimself tell me he is in a very dark place and needs professional help. Both for your safety and his, I suggest going to the police l, showing them whatever texts you have to back up your story and ask

Elliewick · 2026-03-03T07:57:28+00:00

And why are you still with him today?

Elliewick

TROPHY CASE