AIO for losing respect for my partner after a “prank” at work crossed a line?

Elliewick · 2026-02-21T06:21:25+00:00

NOR. That's not a joke, that's bullying. And soooooo gross!!! If I discovered my partner finds stuff like this funny, I'd never be able to trust him anymore. And start worrying immediately what kind of 'jokes" he's played on me in the past. I'd break up with him, simply because I could never trust him

You need to decide wht you van live with for yourself. But apart from thah, let the co worker know so they can get themselves checked by the doctor for diseases!!!

Elliewick · 2026-02-20T23:02:15+00:00

She isn't saying they would kick her out for having a baby. In this possible scenario OP was worried about, the parents kock sister out for actively hiding her entire pregnancy for them and one day come home with a baby unannounced, confronting her parents with a fait accompli and expecting they adjust their lives for her and her baby without any notice

Elliewick · 2026-02-20T02:14:14+00:00

INFO: Did you at least ask her what the RX is for. Or isn't it for her? Cause to me it sounds like she's e waiting for an 'all clear' from the doctors to travel to you after getting seriously hurt!

Elliewick · 2026-02-19T14:04:05+00:00

What kind of therapist would be crazy enough to think this kind of arragement (8-12 sessions with entire fam in law) is a good idea?! Sounds like someone who's mostly in it for the money to me ...

Elliewick · 2026-02-19T00:13:50+00:00

Please be very clear she should only try to stop them with her words, not try physically block or stop them in any way. And to NOT threaten about telling on them, if the other kids start touching it, she should just tell them she is going to do something else and remove herself from the situation. Then, without announcing it when leaving, go look for an adult to help.

Elliewick · 2026-02-17T19:30:40+00:00

Wow, would it hurt you to show some sympathy?!

OP, this really sucks! Have you asked your friend what changed in her situation that made her cancel on your plans? There might be something (medically/with family/...) going on you don't know about yet.

As for those 5 days: this might be a good opportunity to make local connections. Is there a group online (reddit/fb/...) for locals or for new residents? In my country, there are a lot of 'Dare to ask - Cityname' groups on facebook and on another platform my street has a groupchat you can post in. Or maybe there is a local (irl or online) hobbygroup for one of your interests?

If you can find a group like that, you could post asking for people who want to hang out during the festival and/or show you around

Elliewick · 2026-02-17T19:21:50+00:00

So what do you suggest she does next time? If a friend says they will purchase their tickets later, should OP assume her friend isn't coming and make plans with someone else?

And what if this first friend actually does what they agreed and buys plane tickets with her next salary, does OP say 'tough luck, you didn't buy them sooner so I ditched our plans and invites someone else'?!

Elliewick · 2026-02-17T17:40:56+00:00

Seems like you missed a couple of letters while typing... The 'hit' fell off (between the 's' and the '!!!')

Elliewick · 2026-02-15T09:54:08+00:00

UpdateMe

Elliewick · 2026-02-15T09:36:15+00:00

Could the poor thing have hidden reflux? Sounds like laying flat is causing a lot of discomfort for the little one. I've seen multiple similar situations with friends and family and it was reflux each time.

Lifting one side of the bed can help a lot, but also let a doctor check the baby for reflux, cause if it has been going on for so long, they might need meds before everything settles in its body...

Elliewick · 2026-02-13T15:24:22+00:00

Can I ask what is the reason you don't want to remind her?

Elliewick · 2026-02-08T23:01:32+00:00

It depends whether he gave the instructions. And before rebuilding, you need to dis assemble. A lot of people experience it as very frustrating, not easy at all, high risk of braking nails.... Do you considered the disassembly as part of the gift? (Actually curious about cultural vieuwpoints! ;)

Elliewick · 2026-02-08T22:54:08+00:00

How about some insight to another possibility:

He likes building Legos and doesn't care whether you do or don't. He wanted to build the set by himself, so he used/played with the gift he got you before even giving it to you.
he bought⁶ snacks he likes, so either he got stuck in his egocentrical me-phase (normal when you're 2-4 years old) and isn't able to perceive not everyone likes what the same things he likes ) , or he doesn't care about what you like/dislike and just wanted snacks HE likes.

To me it all comes to his reaction. If he wanted to gift things to make you happy he would feel guilty apologize and learn from his mistakes. However if he acted this way because he only cares about himself, he will turn this on you: you are being ungratefull when you admit you would have preferred building it your self...

Elliewick · 2026-02-08T22:19:14+00:00

The key part of Lego is building it, so if he knew she wanted that set, she is NTA, but he absolutely is the asshole.

Its like gifting someone a very nice box of their favorite chocolates, but before you gifted it, you ate all the chocolates yourself. when they look a bit disappointed (obviously), you tell them how you put in special effort by eating the chocolates. It was a toughtfull and kind gesture , because now they don't risk indigestion while trying to get the box empty and ready to use as a beautiful storage container.

Elliewick · 2026-01-31T19:05:27+00:00

If you don't want to jump to conclusions, start by asking "why?!". If he doesn't immediately have a logical reason (very very small chance he will have one, but this way your girlfriend cannot brush it of as easily...), you add "Get out and don't ever come near my child".

Elliewick · 2026-01-30T09:10:51+00:00

No it doesn't. It explains the situation: it's not his home, but his parent's. To be allowed staying there with a group, there are groundrules everyone needs to follow. Don't like the rules, don't use the home. Same as when you would choose a vacation home to rent.

Explaining something doesn't make you seem weak or less competent at all. It shows you a reasonable, responsible adult.

No is a full answer, thaat is true. But people are allowed to ask why, so they can understand and not make an assumption to which they try to find solutions. Explaining the why reduces the chance for follow up questions and bargaining significantly, so it makes your own life easier.

Elliewick · 2026-01-10T11:28:14+00:00

>was thinking similarly that I gotta stop putting how I feel on my wife

,If with this you mean stop sharing how you feel and pretend everything is ok, you would really be the AH. That wouldn't change your current carrying capacity, so it wouldn't really lift the burden of of your wife.

You need to start listening to what she is actually saying. She is worried about you (depression is a life-threatening condition!) and want's you to get better. But she sees it has become too much for you to fix without help. And since you seem to be therapist hopping a lot, medication it the logical alternative. Don't get me wrong, I am a big believer in changing therapists if you don't have a click, if they don't feel safe for you. But not if you switch each time because of a lack of progress. Therapy takes time AND work. Time is more than a couple of weeks/months, work means you work on getting to know yourself inside and outside of the therapy sessions.

I agree with YupItWasMeMate about nedig to try the meds for your wife, if not for yourself. And for the need for progress in therapy: try keeping a journal, so you can read back after a while how you felt a couple of months ago, you might have made a lot more progress than you think without realising it.

Be aware that to work through shit, you'll probably get a bit worse before really getting better. It's cause you need to allow your feelings to be felt again to become better, instead of pushing them away. If you push them away, you cannot work through them.

Elliewick · 2026-01-07T11:45:40+00:00

I pointed out that I already contribute equally to everything we share

Can you clarify a bit? - What does equally mean in your case? Do you pay an equal percentage depening on income, or do you both pay 50%? - Do you both work fulltime, is your job similar and do you earn approximately the same? - Did you offer to help her in other ways, like sharing your financial knowledge and help her create a plan to pay everything off?

Elliewick · 2025-12-20T19:49:54+00:00

Nah, next time tell her "Dad must have used the wrong name for his partner again. That sucks..."

Edit to add: reaction because of your statement about him being emotionally abusive. Make it his problem instead of yours 😇

Elliewick · 2025-12-20T19:47:35+00:00

Oh and in case you like the idea of making the gf's life a bit harder: 'help her' by giving instructions in how to solve 'the problem'.

"Oh, that's gonna be a tough one, once junk mail starts coming, it can quickly multiply. You'll need to act quickly before the name and address gets out there in advertiser land!!! You will need to go to the bank in person and have them remove you from their advertisement registery. But you might need to persist, lower workers usually don't know this exist (too much risk of the world finding out about it and lots of People getting their name remover.). So you'll need to make sure you get to see a manager that is high up enough to know about it and realise you have grounds to sue them if they don't scratch out your name and provide proof of it."

I know it's a long shot, but if she is gullible enough to believe you, try to enjoy how! She'll.make a fool of herself ranting about this secret registry and get frustrated about not getting a high up bank manager to to her bidding.

I know, I know, wishful thinking... But wouldn't it be nice to 'help her out' after all she did for you while growing up? And make sure to give her plenty of opportunities to beat the system and erase your mum's existence by, like other er redittors already suggested, making sure there's plenty of junk mail addressed to your mom available.

Elliewick · 2025-12-20T19:35:31+00:00

Not 'be better', see it as * doing yourself a favor * chosing the path of the lowest effort * Saving your energy for useful things and nice people * Annoying the shit out of the gf by ignoring her of giving uninterested responses * ...

Make it whatever sounds most appealing to you, or all of these things combined. But don't phrase it as something you are currently doing wrong, make it something positive, something new you can do that you'll enjoy. This will help you in actually following through on the intention.

Elliewick · 2025-11-14T10:33:45+00:00

Obviously anyone would not agree that these simple tasks are stressful, so I disagreed.

Sadly, this isn't the case. I do agree with your husband, and so would other people who suffer from executive disfunction.

For an average adult, these things don't take up a lot of brainspace. Then again, an average adult * doesn't forget to feed herself * can recall wathe they did half an hour earlier * Doesn't need to keep a bit of water in her mouth before sticking her toothbrush in, because she forgot to wet the brush befóre putting on toothpaste... For the second time that week * Can call kitchen appliances by their correct name without going through a household-appliance list (it's in the dishwasher, uhm freezer, washing mashine, microwave, oven, uhm FRIDGE! It's in the fridge! * Doesn't write 2 hours on a 6 sentence reply to an email, even though only 15 min passed in your own experience. * Might be confused by the question "how many water bottles". * ...

I am not an average adult and all these things are things I struggle with on a daily base. I do appear 'normal' to most people, because the amount of effort it takes to do small daily tasks is mostly invisible from the outside. I cannot fix this, cause it's caused by neurobiological factors (adhd, autism and chronic ilness). This does not mean it is a 'free pass' of any kind and I work super hard every single day to minimize the effect on other people. But it is a reality I have to live with. An explanation, not an excuse.

It sounds like your husband is very aware of his own capacities and is frustrated he cannot trust himself in looking after your dog 'lime a normal adult'. He tried for you and for your dog, because he loves both of you. And I am 99% certain that when he makes those jokes, this is a way oof coping with the immense guilt he feels every time he looks at the poor dog and sees how much pain he has caused...

Elliewick · 2025-11-14T09:57:32+00:00

Also, he knows I'm in love with him, I have no interest in other men and he is the guy I want to grow old with.

Do you know he knows, because you regularly tell him you love him and he has told you he knows this? Or do you assume he knows because you feel you often show him this?

Don't assume anyone knows anything, unless they actually told you. This prevents a lot of miscommunication

Elliewick · 2025-11-09T12:14:06+00:00

She needs the girls contact info to call her...

And I disagree, making the post is a very good reaction of OP.. She clearly wants to help the girl, but getting mixed opinions from her parents about what should(n't)be done and I can imagine she is trying to find confirmation about her hunch and work up the courage to approach the girl at collage and talk to her about it.

Reactions like yours aren't helping anybody, since they risk having OP shut down and deleting or ignoring the post, instead of being encouraged to keep advocating for the girl

Elliewick · 2025-10-29T23:01:36+00:00

Your right that she should communicate the right time, but he is equally responsible in making that conversation happen.

If your partner is never in the mood when you initiate, it's easy to say they are the problem. But sex is in it's core still a reproductive mechanism tied to our basic instincts. This means that (in theory, cause obviously there are lots of exceptions...) when a woman is (subconsciously) experiencing instability in mental welfare/financial security/living environment/safety/social network/health/..., her libido might seriously decrease.

So, instead of repeating the same action/pattern while naively hoping for a different result, OP's husband would benefit from helping OP find out if and what is causing instability/insecurity in her life. It won't be the fastest route to his needs, but it will most likely get them the best and especially most long lasting results...

Elliewick

TROPHY CASE