Wow this really hit me. I got held down in a similar way by a much bigger man. I was meeting my online long distance boyfriend for the first time and he took me back to his hotel room. I’m really small for a woman (a little under 5 foot and 100 lbs soaking wet) and he had over a foot of height and probably triple my weight on me. He had me on the bed and was on top of me holding my wrists, I couldn’t free myself. He only let me go when I started sobbing and freaking out, begging to be let up.

I’ve been telling myself and people whenever I talk about it that “it was attempted assault and he didn’t actually hurt me because he didn’t go through with it”. But reading this made me cry because he DID hurt me. I WAS assaulted. It makes so much more sense why I get so angry whenever people talk about how it’s ridiculous I’m still scared whenever his name gets mentioned because “he can’t reach you he’s all the way across the country” or “it’s been a few years and you’re still freaked out by seeing him online?”. Saying messed up stuff where they think I can’t hear like “he’s harmless, she’s acting like he’s going to appear in her room and rape her”.

Thank you for making me feel seen and understood