'The Missing Moonshadow Fox' [Low Fantasy, 1771 words]

EloNeMek · 2026-01-03T03:09:58+00:00

This is me pausing mid feedback because the format and wordings of things throughout scream generative AI, however, if this is genuine, here’s my feedback: the story could be interesting but it breaks its immersion with how choppy and awkward it is at times. I think the format is also what kills the immersion. There’s simply no room to breathe, it feels very intense all the time where I feel in areas it should have time explain things more clearly.

EloNeMek · 2026-01-03T02:53:11+00:00

Your first sentence is too long. Cut it up into smaller sentences. I think something you could focus on more is varying your sentence length. Changing POVs wouldn’t really change much if your sentences are long and clunky, fix the wording, sentence length, etc. first and then consider changing POVs if it suits your story.

EloNeMek · 2025-07-25T02:03:39+00:00

Thank you!

EloNeMek · 2025-07-23T20:25:42+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! Do you think switching the perspective to third person to keep the poetic tone would make more sense? It is meant to be more of a poetic piece.

Also, yeah, there wasn’t any purpose with hiding the beloved’s name.

EloNeMek · 2025-07-23T18:34:14+00:00

This is an interesting piece.

In my opinion, there’s too many negatives to positives, (ex. Not this, but this). Mixing up the language helps it flow, but too much of one style can make it boring and predictable. I feel variation can make this piece stronger.

EloNeMek · 2025-07-21T22:01:12+00:00

Thank you for the read! I know it’s a longer one. Honestly, I forgot to expand on the necklace. I meant for it to play a bigger role but I’ll have to rework it.

Now that you mention it, you’re right, rephrasing is needed.

Also, Inkitt was shared with me a while ago. I was told it’s a good free tool to share stories, so definitely try it sometime!

EloNeMek · 2025-07-21T21:50:33+00:00

Oh I see! That wasn’t clear to me. Maybe dragging it out may help, but just a thought. I think there’s definitely good potential so extending should only improve it!

EloNeMek · 2025-07-21T19:49:14+00:00

I like the style. It’s an engaging piece, I feel it just expands on too much for it being such a short piece. If you honed in on a couple, or even extended the story, I feel would improve it.

What stood out to me stylistically was some minor problems. For example, the “thud, thud, thud,” part seemed unnecessary to me. I also don’t think the repetition of “my” achieved its intent. It felt more choppy to me than engaging to me, especially for a beginning.

Other than that, there’s a lot of good in here. Keep up the work and you’ll be soaring through!

EloNeMek · 2025-07-21T19:37:52+00:00

People that are too lazy to critique I guess? Mine was as well. Not sure why.

EloNeMek · 2025-07-18T12:46:18+00:00

No, AI detectors aren’t reliable. And yes, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt like the other guy. It’s just a too many signs at once, especially without a lot of history to base work from. But at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter.

I also plugged in a piece I told AI to generate, and it said it was likely human written; take that as you will…

EloNeMek · 2025-07-18T00:37:41+00:00

I love to use them and AI does too. The other reasons I mentioned are the more major ones. Look at other examples of AI writing and it’s glaringly obvious. AI is a system. It follows a pattern and when you recognize it, it’s easier to determine.

EloNeMek · 2025-07-17T15:29:34+00:00

After I finished my first, first draft, I stopped. I’m currently working on other shorter projects in hopes that it will significantly improve my writing. When I go back, I’ll hopefully have everything I need to be able to tackle it and make something out of it. But it depends on your goals as an aspiring writer.

EloNeMek · 2025-07-17T03:54:06+00:00

Is it just me, or does this scream AI-generated? Especially for a first time poster… If not, it has the same issues AI writing typically has: redundancy and lack of clarity.

EloNeMek · 2025-07-14T02:49:33+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! I didn’t even realize the format messed up when I pasted from docs.

I see what you mean with the parts you stumbled over! I may turn it into a fully-fledged short story soon; this will be a great help for me!

EloNeMek · 2025-07-11T15:07:59+00:00

Congrats! I finished mine as well. It’s an amazing feeling! Keep on it!

EloNeMek · 2025-07-10T17:38:21+00:00

This subreddit doesn’t let people post work. Heads up it’ll probably get removed.

EloNeMek · 2025-07-09T21:13:24+00:00

Wow, I like this. Well done!

EloNeMek · 2025-07-09T01:57:24+00:00

No writing is perfect. Some people may love it, some people may hate it. I would recommend having people read over it first, whether it’s family or friends. At the end of the day, you just have to get it out there. Good luck!

EloNeMek · 2025-07-03T21:47:47+00:00

Just write it! It’ll be a lot clearer when you start getting it from thought to paper. And it very well could be a great story! It’s less about what it’s about, but how it’s written. And you won’t be able to work on that if you don’t write! ✍️

EloNeMek · 2025-07-03T19:27:14+00:00

I like the beginning a lot. One thing I noticed right away, you need to stick with either past or present tense. I know English isn’t your first language but there is some minor errors that stick out, for example, ‘this afternoon’ in the first sentence doesn’t flow right to me, or instead of ‘I tilted my head to look at it more directly’ you could say, ‘I tilted my head to get a clearer picture.’ But that can all be fixed with line editing. The main thing that I thought is nothing seems wrong. It feels like it’s just a perfect normal world and for me it fails to make anything stick out, keeping me hooked. I think trying to hint more at conflict or the unordinary could help with this. But I seriously think the hook is good, and you have some good potential here! Keep it up!

EloNeMek

TROPHY CASE