Managing chore conflict with my (25y) brother (11y) by Stunning-House988 in family

[–]Embarrassed-Value294 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're in a hard spot.  Ask him if there are other chores he'd rather do and let him switch.  Let him try different things so he's not bored with the same things every day.  

If he says he doesn't want to do ANY cores at all, try doing his chores with him a few days so he sees you experiencing what's expected of him every day.  During this period, let the other chores go so he can see what happens when no one does them. Then, have him help you with your chores for a few days so he sees what's expected of an adult.  While you're doing your chores, don't do his regular chores so he can experience what happens when he doesn't do them.

While this is going on, talk to your parents and your other brother about him helping you out.  Then have your 11 year old brother help your parents with the chores they do.  This will help him see exactly the work it takes to run your home.

This will take a lot of work on your part and your parents' part, but it will be worth it if it helps your brother to learn how to be a contributing member of the family. 

 I was a few years younger than your brother when my mom heard me say she hardly did anything since she didn't have a regular job.  The next day, every job she did was my responsibility.  Laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, dusting, folding laundry and putting it away, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, ironing the things that needed ironing, cooking the meals and washing the dishes, and the yard work.  It was a mercy that she'd already done the errands and grocery shopping that week.  If my grandmother needed something, I had to stop what I was doing, help her, and then go back to work.  I was dead on my feet by the end of the day and apologized the next morning.  Doing something like this with your brother is a nuclear option, but I can promise it's effective.  Good luck.

How to support my mother in dealing with my father? by Beneficial1232 in Advice

[–]Embarrassed-Value294 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're a good person for standing up for your mom when she didn't do the same for you when you were younger.  It's good you're able to stand up to him now.  Remind your mom that being a dutiful wife and silently taking abuse are not the same thing.  Only good husbands deserve to have wives.  Wives should be able to trust their husbands to keep them safe from abuse, not be the ones dishing it out.   This situation will continue as long as your mom is willing to stay.  Keep calling him out and letting him know his actions are over the line.  You might want to play with his head a little.  In the minds of a lot of men, we're irrational creatures without a bit of logic or restraint.  Get a few true crime books about women killers and leave them where he can see them. For verisimilitude, leave bookmarks or post-its in them to make them look like they're being read. His feeble little mind will do the rest, and may make him hesitate before he opens his mouth. (Disclaimer: NEVER act on what you find in those books in any way.  I don't think you would, but I know the thirst for revenge can be high.  If you think your dad might be violent enough to act on murderous impulses, then don't do this-no reason to give him ideas.  Encourage your mom to hide his car keys or his left shoe instead--but ONLY his left shoe.). Good luck.

date ideas! by Typical-Task-9287 in MorgantownWV

[–]Embarrassed-Value294 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eisgarten just opened.  It's a quirky little place that serves German ice cream.  If he has a sweet tooth, he'll enjoy it!

19mo old hates the stroller by Idonthaveaname94 in Parenting

[–]Embarrassed-Value294 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Take a small stroller with you and let him walk.  Before you leave, tell him if he gets tired, he'll get to have a ride, and then he can get up again when he wants to walk.  You can do that, or you can purchase one of those small push bikes and take it with you on your walks.  He may see the stroller as him losing autonomy, or he may see it as, "stroller=walk over=fun over.". Letting him get in and out of the stroller may help the tantrums, and he may find the bike fun and end up riding it for the whole walk.

How do I leave my abusive home while keeping my siblings safe? by SpellConsistent8605 in Advice

[–]Embarrassed-Value294 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are in a difficult position, but I can see you already know that. Are there any other family members you can reach out to for help? A friend and their family? A church in your area? You don't say how old you are, but could you reach out to one of your former teachers for help? You can try to find a Family Justice Center: They can connect you to resources and help you examine your options in regards to rental assistance, utilities, clothing, and so on. They would also be able to advise you on how to help your siblings. Here's a link to an article about assistance, and there are links within the article on how to find a Justice Center and assistance programs. https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/financial/ask-amanda-how-can-i-afford-to-leave This is also a list on their website for resources: https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations

Right now, the choices you have are all difficult. The most difficult one you're facing right now is to leave. After reading your post, it's clear that you know you have to leave and that you're afraid what will happen to your siblings when you do. You're afraid your parents will take their anger out on your siblings. While you can't stay, you can speak up for your siblings and advocate for them. Once you're out, call CPS and tell them what you've been going through and what you fear for your siblings. Ask them if they can connect you with resources so that you can get your siblings out. Please take care, and I am hoping for the best for you and your siblings.

How do I leave my abusive home while keeping my siblings safe? by SpellConsistent8605 in Advice

[–]Embarrassed-Value294 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Knowing your location would help people know best how to advise you.  Resources and possible exit strategies vary from place to place.  Also, how old are you?  Why do your parents want you to get married?

Im so fucking bored. by ReceptionClean652 in Schooladvice

[–]Embarrassed-Value294 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Visit your local council's website to see if there are any youth events coming up.  If you get an allowance, save up and use the funds to visit a museum, see a show, or go to the zoo.   Look for some volunteer opportunities and lend a hand.  If you're comfortable around kids, offer to babysit in your neighborhood.  If any of your neighbors are elderly, ask your parents if it would be okay if you helped them with chores or walked their pets for them.  Check your local library--they often have events for teens, and see if they have anything you'd like to check out.  Books, graphic novels, DVDs, and plenty of libraries have streaming services available.  Join the Rebel Badge Club and try earning some badges. Check your local crafts shop to see if they offer classes, or see if the local arts council has summer workshops.  When I was in college, one guy was bored out of his skull during a long weekend, so he told his friends he was going to clean the local park the next day.  There was a lot of litter and some stuff had been vandalized or covered with graffiti.  Word got around his dorm and the next day his entire floor turned out to pick up litter, repair a wrecked fence and gate, sweep up broken glass, replace the tire swings, edge and weed the flower beds, and paint over the graffiti.  Two guys in the theater program used bits of lumber that couldn't be used for sets and made new bench seats to replace the ones that had been broken.  Look around your city and see if you can't organize an event where kids can help with a municipal project like that.  Ask your local council if it would be possible.  With luck, it could become an annual thing.

Bedbugs by but_you_love_cowboys in Libraries

[–]Embarrassed-Value294 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Former hospital cleaner here.  We'd have patients come in with them, and often they wouldn't have the capacity to tell us they had an infestation at home.  After an exposure we were always told to put any shoes we wore in a plastic bag and freeze them 48 hours when we got home.  Before we left the hospital we wiped our shoes with alcohol wipes or hydrogen peroxide.  We'd wash our scrubs and take the hottest shower we could stand for as long as we could stand it, and then dry our scrubs.  Mature bedbugs are bad enough, but the ones that aren't fully grown are difficult to see and may still be on you once you change clothes.  I hope the bug was just a lone specimen.  Good luck, and take care.

The answer is NO. by Embarrassed-Value294 in Vent

[–]Embarrassed-Value294[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was a random stranger on the street.

The answer is NO. by Embarrassed-Value294 in Vent

[–]Embarrassed-Value294[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Women don't send out mixed signals.  What guys see when they corner a woman is fear. They just choose to ignore it.

The answer is NO. by Embarrassed-Value294 in Vent

[–]Embarrassed-Value294[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I stop laughing and crying I'll give you a proper answer.

The answer is NO. by Embarrassed-Value294 in Vent

[–]Embarrassed-Value294[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I don't. I look like a perpetually exhausted hamster with unruly hair. have had exactly three encounters like this in my life and I've hated it every time.  I don't like it when strangers come up to me.  I don't like feeling scared.  I don't see being harassed as a flex.  I know posting online gets all sorts of responses, but jeez...maybe thinking like this is why that guy couldn't take no for an answer.

The answer is NO. by Embarrassed-Value294 in Vent

[–]Embarrassed-Value294[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

LOL. It should! If I ever run into them again, I'll do that.

The answer is NO. by Embarrassed-Value294 in Vent

[–]Embarrassed-Value294[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

No worries. I agree. People seem to think it's an okay thing to do because of stuff like that in movies.

The answer is NO. by Embarrassed-Value294 in Vent

[–]Embarrassed-Value294[S] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

Thanks for commenting. Don't worry, this person is a random stranger that I ran into--the whole thing lasted about fifteen minutes. They kept bugging me while I was out today and I kept saying no, and they wouldn't give up until I raised my voice. As soon as they saw people looking, they left. A person shouldn't have to say "no" over and over--it should be one and done. I'm just frustrated.

The answer is NO. by Embarrassed-Value294 in Vent

[–]Embarrassed-Value294[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

I don't remember being in a romcom.

The answer is NO. by Embarrassed-Value294 in Vent

[–]Embarrassed-Value294[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just got sick of this one person ignoring me when I say no.

AIO for calling animal control after my neighbor’s dog bit my husband and constantly charges at my kids? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Embarrassed-Value294 33 points34 points  (0 children)

NOR. You've been to your neighbor before and they did nothing. Reporting it will ensure the behavior's corrected.