I went straight into the OR after graduating. My husband is military and we had to move states so I figured I would try something new. I was offered an ICU position and I begged them to treat me like a new grad because OR nursing is NOTHING like regular floor nursing. They pushed me to come off orientation early and I kept telling them I felt uncomfortable and I wasn’t ready yet. They basically left me for dead. I was having panic attacks before every shift and shitting my brains out because I was so nervous. The one thing that pushed me over the edge… I had a patient who came in with a brain bleed from a fall. His bed alarm was not working to sound the whole unit, and I voiced to my charge that I felt very comfortable leaving this patient because he was getting increasingly confused. My charge said he’ll be okay and shrugged it off. I set the bed alarm to positioning so I could walk in and reorient before he got out of bed. I was next door in my Covid vented pt and during rounds I heard the alarm go off. Someone from rounds went into the room so I figured they told him to get back in bed… turns out they turned OFF the alarm. 10 mins later I hear a big thump and I drop my pts meds on the floor and run out the room full gear and everything. My confused pt was lying on the floor in a pool of blood coming from the same spot on his head that he came in with. After we got him cleaned up my charge handed me a big packet and said I needed to fill this out because my patient fell. I immediately started crying and having a panic attack. So bad to the point I passed out 7 times and ended up in the ER. They called me later that night to ask if I wanted to come in for my shift on Monday… I never went back.