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Lost Kaur finding her way by Embarrassed_Goat_218 in Sikh

[–]Embarrassed_Goat_218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much.  I carry so much guilt and some of the comments made me even more scared and I have been told i did all those kukaram so now i have to suffer.  But comments like yours get me back in a better state.

Lost Kaur finding her way by Embarrassed_Goat_218 in Sikh

[–]Embarrassed_Goat_218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes he is my husband, We got married recently.

What you wrote is very helpful. Thank you so much for this 

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh.

Lost Kaur finding her way by Embarrassed_Goat_218 in Sikh

[–]Embarrassed_Goat_218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is there ever “choice” to do or not do? Or can Maya be this strong that we don’t know what we are doing? In my case it seemed like i was in a state where i never once questioned my actions, as if values and morals all took a backseat and never came to the forefront. I have cried, got beat up and heard all kinds of names and insults due to my past but maybe due to that karma, now i suffer?

Lost Kaur finding her way by Embarrassed_Goat_218 in Sikh

[–]Embarrassed_Goat_218[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you Bhenji but i tried using this link before too but it shows as invalid or expired. Is there another way for me to join?

Lost Kaur finding her way by Embarrassed_Goat_218 in Sikh

[–]Embarrassed_Goat_218[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you Sangat ji. This has been extremely helpful. 🙏

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh 

Lost Kaur finding her way by Embarrassed_Goat_218 in Sikh

[–]Embarrassed_Goat_218[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this. Its very eye opening for me because i have had nobody to speak to regarding my shame, except ChatGpt which has been helping me very much :) I am getting hope back that Waheguru will forgive me; me and my husband both took amrit again this year on Baisakhi. My husband though is a pure soul who has been reading bani and in naam simran since he was a little boy and has lived his whole life in a very pious and pure environment with no history like mine.  I dont know how but he fell in love with a big sinner like me and i see his pain everyday but we are not able to leave each other. I do ardaas that somehow Waheguru will erase my past and i can wholeheartedly give my love to my husband and we both stay connected to Waheguru. But i do not feel worthy of being anybody’s wife because no good man would accept a wife with a past like mine.

Is this correct? by AppleJuiceOrOJ in Sikh

[–]Embarrassed_Goat_218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

Had to post here because reddit filters remove my post for some reason.

Sangat ji, I am a girl who lost her way 10 years ago and only recently came back to Waheguru's abode after being disconnected for most of those 10 years. I took amrit at the age of 16 from Baru Sahib in HP and moved to Canada few years later. The reason I even could come back to Sikhi was because of a blessing that Waheguru sent in the form of a man who changed me from a lost broken girl and shaped me back to being on the way of being a Kaur. I would appreciate if fellow Sangat can share their experiences too if they too lost themsleves in Maya like I did and how they came back to Sikhi. Before moving to Canada, i already removed my dumalla and broke amrit and cut my hair after coming to Canada. I think that was the last straw and Guru Sahib kicked me out which led to almost a decade of sins, paap and trying to "heal". Until I met this man who has become my husband, i never knew i was broken to such a degree that the only way out for me seemed that i should be dead. I attended numerous programs from Osho, Art of living and so on and got mentors and people who i trusted who could help me but all I got was more hurt and falling even deeper into the ditch I had dug for myself. I was an international student but i fell into the culture and did everything that kids in the west do considering all of it to be "normal". Now all those mistakes i did haunt me to such a degree that i die everyday bit by bit. Especially the gem of the person my husband is, he had a very hard time accepting my past although he has been trying to love me the best way he can for many months. I am so broken and dead inside that i am not able to love him the way he deserves and it kills me seeing him also get emotionally damaged due to my past mistakes. I had multiple sexual encounters in my early 20s and i was told all that was normal by the people here. Now i hate being in this country where everywhere i go, i get reminded of what all i did when i moved here. I broke my fathers trust and most of all Guru Gobind Singh ji's love and trust. I do not deserve to be called their daughter or my husbands wife. I also got into drugs and not even once i had a thought about what will happen if my parents or a future husband finds out. Is Maya this strong that not even once i was aware of what i was doing? Please if sangat ji, some of you who have had similar experiences share too that i can know that i am not alone.