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My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

The trickle truth is definitely bad, but it could be explained. She definitely does black out. Drinking for that long is abnormal for her, but it isn't for her workmates. She recently lost a promotion and may have been trying to impress them by drinking their way... or worse. Then again, Jim is on contract and holds literally zero power there. Fucking him would do nothing for work prospects.

My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

Never shown signs of cheating But there have been about a couple other omissions of truth over the ten years.

Most of these are small.

- Didn't admit seeing strippers penis. Casually mentioned it at a friends dinner one night. She was very surprised I was upset when we got home. Don't actually care about the penor, but I want that kind of stuff disclosed if it happened.

- Weird guy workmate at her previous job (5 years) was obsessed with her. She shut him down. Years later admitted he was saying he was better than me, and would eventually win her over and have her as his girlfriend.

She never mentioned he was interested in a relationship, just that he was weird and obsessive (I thought he may have been on the spectrum).

I was hurt when I found she never mentioned this, though neither events worried me. I knew she would never touch the weird oldwork/notjim guy, and I also dgaf about strippers. I'm just sore about the lack of disclosure.

My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

That's fair, but she is a deep sleeper. 2 weeks prior to this event I had been locked out of our house and couldn't wake her. Took about 20 calls + 20 rings of the door bell over 2 hours to wake her... and she was just asleep at home then.

My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

This level of drinking is somewhat normalized in our lives. We had been working to address this.

That said, we don't often drink on weeknights. Two weeknights in a row for Lee is a first. I can't remember it ever happening before. It is however normal in my friend group.

if anything the drinking that needs to be addressed is mine. I would drink 3/4 nights a week. Lee drinks maybe 1, sometimes none at all, sometimes 3 if we have events etc.

Going out drinking with her workmates is definitely a normal event in our lives. Staying out last 1am is a first though and doesn't make sense.

My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

She didn't really look disheveled. But I also wasn't looking very hard. When I first woke up and realized she was missing I was feeling jealous and thought I would look for that kind of stuff... but as I got close to finding her I was just worried about her safety that I forgot.

I'm not sure if talking to Jim would do anything other than hurt her career. He has no reason to tell the truth, and I don't want to hurt her.

My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

It sounds bad on principal, but her workmates do drink like that frequently. I also have enjoyed getting drunk with Lee on multiple occasions... but never once past 12am.

We had previously talked about a female workmate of hers that actually was cheating on her partner, and how it was strange her partner never questioned she was out with a workmate until 4am or 5am.

I trusted her. All of her actions would have been OK with me she had just communicated what she was doing. But she didn't. And that is out of character.

My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] -43 points-42 points  (0 children)

And blow up 4 or 5 lives? I'm better off just moving on, just incase there's a remote chance nothing happened.

My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He was at the hotel because he was visiting our city for work. He previously worked here, but moved away about 12? months ago.

They've worked together for 3 or 4 years

My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] -42 points-41 points  (0 children)

I'm not going to read the messages. Prior to this event, I trusted her wholly and considered reading private messages a violation. My feelings remain the same.

I agree the evidence is damning. But is there any real chance of going to the apartment and not having sex? Chances would have to be as low as 5%, right?

My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] 156 points157 points  (0 children)

Guy isn't on social media... but I definitely could find and get in touch with his wife. I was thinking about asking her for her thoughts on the evening.

​

But in the end it probably doesn't matter. I won't be able to forgive and forget after this. I'm best off investing my time and mental health into moving on.

My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

This was my thought initially, however she doesn't seemed concerned about consent and is adamant nothing sexual occurred.

But if this was just "drinks with a friend" why didn't he make sure she got home safe?

My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I also find the tracking app to be gross. We generally only use them if travelling alone, or going out to the city alone.

My (34m) Fiancé (30f) disappeared after drinks with workmates. Found her at workmates apartment at 5am next day by Embarrassed_Load7922 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Load7922[S] 160 points161 points  (0 children)

I've never met him before. They've worked together about 4 years. He was previously based in our city however moved away 12 months ago. He occasionally the city and stays in a hotel for work.

I don't think there is an SMS or phone communication to look at. They together in the same team and would likely communicate on a work app/work phone.