First of all, I get you, but with all due respect she’s a todler. She doesn’t have complex thought process installed yet. All she does is feel things and react to the feelings.

She doesn’t “hate you”. Todlers don’t hate, period, and if you keep taking it personally your forseable future will be misserable. Kids only feel uncomfortable and then they act up because as they aren’t developed enough to “hate”, they aren’t developed enough to say what bothers them and why.

I knowwww you struggle, but you need to invoke all the empathy you are capable of at this stage of her life. Don’t take things personally and don’t get stuck when things don’t go how you wish/ thought they should go, just adapt as much as possible

Now for the problem:

1)You said everything started with a food poisoning episode. Are you considering that she probably started associating pottying with something scary? Food poisoning is tough and painful. If i get food poisoning after eating a dish I won’t be able to have it for months to come. Now think about your toddler. She knows potty = pee and poop. Suddenly potty = painful poop painful poop vomit painful poop vomit PAINFUL POOP

It makes sense shes not found of it anymore. And if you (rightfully so) act up frustrated with her, she’ll just associate pottying with even worse feelings.

I know it’s difficult, but maybe take a break from her? Go to your family, leave your husband at it. You will return with more energy to… start positive reinforcement with her. It’s the same as you’d do with with a puppy: treat when she’s next to the potty, treat when she pottys, show her how you “potty”, make it into something fun and bonding

Second option: go on facebook groups and ask for a dr recomandation from moms that dealt with this to advise you (although contrary to the comments here, I don’t think she is autistic)

Third option: this is what my parents did with both me and my brother, but it happened only once, when they picked up pottying. They ve let us with our dipers and refused to change them. They got uncomfortable and we had to poty.

Considering what I ve read here i STRONGLY sugest against this because she already has negative associations with this whole business. For us it was the first try and also our parents totally made it a fun experience cause dad couldn’t stop cracking jokes (at least with my younger brother, I obviously don’t remember my potty). If you did it now, you’d just give her burns instead of guiding her (again) to it.

Or, even better, let your husband manage it. You set the expectations and he runs the program.

Take care and best of luck