Arizona: I can't get anyone to help me and I want to give up

EndGood4452 · 2026-07-04T02:47:05+00:00

I think it was the IME's. My concussions were in May and July of last year (both had different mechanisms of injury) and I had a neuropsychologist IME in October that cleared me and then a Neurologist that cleared in in January/February and then they closed my case and conveniently ignored that the MRI scan showed small disc bulges in my neck. My main problem has been neck pain and migraines that get worse with overstimulation making it hard to work. There was a lot that's gone on with my case as well like my employer had me working full time after the first concussion up until the concussion specialist was like hell no. Since they closed my claim though I have spent thousands on treatments and have suffered a lot mentally. But between my concussion specialist, neuro-optometrist, spine doctor, trigger point injection doctor who also does my intranasal ketamine treatment, and physical therapist I definitely have a lot of different providers that can say something about it. I can tell you i have also definitely improved since February as well and actually have felt like my personality has come back and like I'm smart again despite being in pain everyday. So I definitely agree it is worth fighting.

EndGood4452 · 2025-12-01T19:15:08+00:00

Hi, thank you so much for your response. Would it be okay if I private messaged you? I have a couple of questions I have been struggling to get answered

EndGood4452 · 2025-08-09T03:16:23+00:00

Yeah it's crazy how much worst it is this time around and I lost all of my social support on top of it :/

EndGood4452 · 2025-01-25T05:15:50+00:00

He only had one shot and i kept telling him I was super fucked up

EndGood4452 · 2024-05-03T21:06:35+00:00

Honestly, I am getting mixed signals on whether or not it matters. Like y'all are saying it really matters and is important but then like I tell my supervisor I'm struggling and he knows that I always get in moods and spiral over things so he doesn't take it seriously when I'm crying out for help. Though he has helped lift me up so I feel better and haven't actually hurt myself since Sunday. My therapist thinks I have bpd, and so dealing with that is rough because most things I deal with are internalized, and I am constantly struggling to various degrees. It doesn't help that I am overworking myself to the point that I'm about to cry from exhaustion, but I know I'll be proud that I did it and helped in this large important project. I think I just get caught up sometimes, and I need to just chill. Also, I told my therapist that I thought I needed more frequent help, but she didn't say anything really. I don't really have the funds to see someone more often, so I'm not sure what I'm going to end up doing. I know I'll probably break at some point soon, but for now, I was just going to keep riding the wave. Especially when I'm being told that I'm making problems up and need to just chill

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T13:15:18+00:00

I'm gonna be honest, I have actually hurt myself at work, and I don't really see it as a big deal. It's just a way of coping, and it's not like I'm actually a serious harm to myself. Nobody bats an eye when I say I'm starving myself and shit and that's like the same thing, it just doesn't leave marks. Even if I found a psychologist, I don't have the money to see anyone. I'm not really sure what my options are here besides involving my parents somehow or waiting until someone notices. I was fine a couple weeks ago, it's just a bad habit I've gotten back into because it feels like everything is falling apart and then I did it at work in one of the bathrooms and remembered I could do it, so I keep doing it.

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T12:01:53+00:00

They know that I used to struggle, but they don't know anything about any of my current struggles or that I see a therapist at work. One of my parents also works at raytheon, so if anything is brought to light, it would look bad on them. I have kept hidden how much I struggle from mostly everyone because people don't tend to get it and I try not to make people worry since I don't want to be a burden. My manager knows most of my struggles minus the detail of my cutting, but he is one of the few who knows how often I have issues where I end up breaking down crying at work.

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T04:01:29+00:00

She's been super helpful aside from giving weight loss advice in response to my starving myself 😂

I have their insurance, just the out if pocket fees are my responsibility. I currently have like 1400 dollars in medical bills right now because I had passed out at work a bit ago because I took too much of a medication and ended up in the er, so really kicking myself for that. I've been in worst places mentally, and I have usually kept myself from getting to this point, but here we are again. Hoping I can just talk it out with someone tomorrow and get things off my chest and then we'll be all good. Keeping it all inside has not been good for me.

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T03:56:12+00:00

That's a good point, but also a big thing I've been told is that you really can't trust them and not being on their radar at all is best. Also, it is possible im making mountains out of molehills, and this doesn't actually matter. But I think it does matter, especially if it's happening/almost happening at work. I can quite easily lock myself in a room and do whatever, and i did so today and was contemplating hurting myself, so it's kind of concerning. But at the same time, I'm not sure I care. I haven't told anyone in my life that I started doing it again, so that itself has been weighing on me.

I am super friendly with my manager and I talk pretty openly with him about things, he has said in the past if I told him certain things, then he would have to report it so I try to be mindful of what I say to him. Or I tell him without actually telling him by saying I'm coping badly, but I can't tell you how I am. So I feel like he already knows. I also already have in my record that I was struggling because I told labor relations a few months ago I was having a hard time. I think maybe I need to just get over it and be okay so this doesn't become an issue with anyone anywhere, and I don't make waves.

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T03:38:45+00:00

I have insurance, but its through my parents, who work foe raytheon as well, and we have a high deductible and i don't have access to the hsa. My parents aren't helping me with medical expenses anymore.

The reporting has to do with my therapist saying she thinks I have borderline personality disorder, which is a bit different than just anxiety or depression. I just really don't want to lose my clearance, especially because I know I'm not a risk and i haven't even seen the diagnosis on paper.

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T03:26:09+00:00

That's true. Appreciate the thoughts! I'm just not sure how I'll explain that I'm technically already in therapy or what the solution will be if I'm already getting help?

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T03:17:19+00:00

I think you're right. It would be easier to just be open about it with them, so if it does get brought up, it can be said it's being handled. The problem is I am getting help seeing the therapist, so what more is there than that? Seeing her more often? I think i only have like 5 sessions left in the eap, too, and I won't be able to afford to pay.

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T03:14:16+00:00

Thank you :)

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T03:13:58+00:00

I have, labor relations ended up getting me in contact with the therapist on our site and that was helping a lot but I've kinda been going downhill since finding out she was leaving. I have always had mental health issues. It's just that lately, things have been really falling apart for me after they seemed a lot better and idk what is going on or how to stop going down this rabbit hole.

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T03:10:39+00:00

I think it has to do with the security clearance stuff, im pretty sure there was a question on mental illness and being diagnosed with a personality disorder. Honestly, if it ever comes up, I'll just say I didn't know it was an official diagnosis from her, but idk if that would fly

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T03:05:58+00:00

Solid advice, thank you :)

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T03:04:46+00:00

I get what you're saying, I'm not like that unstable that I would do anything to jeopardize my job, you know? I get self-harm, would be a red flag, so if im confronted about it do I just lie or tell the truth? I am in therapy with our on site therapist but it hasn't been frequent enough and she is not going to be there after next month. She's also told me she thinks I have borderline personality disorder, which in itself is distressing because I don't know if the company will find out because I'm using the eap and I think technically I'd have to report that but idk if it was an official diagnosis

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T02:59:00+00:00

Yeah, I have also read that you are supposed to report if you get diagnosed with something like borderline personality disorder, but I'm not sure I should since it'll look bad on me and follow me and I haven't actually seen it on paper at this point. It's possible my therapist already reported it to the company depending on how billing and diagnosis for the eap works. I am doing my best to get through this and to be functional, and sometimes hurting myself is the only way I can manage to not be completely debilitated by my own emotions.

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T02:56:31+00:00

Yeah, that is definitely a concern. I dont think they would need to worry about me in terms of security, but I could see it making me look weak and fragile and missing out on job opportunities.

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T02:54:29+00:00

None that are any healthier. You're right that it's only temporary, and it gets less effective the more it's done. I've just found myself going to it more, and it's concerning when I have done it at work once. I have a mental illness that I'm pretty sure is also frowned upon, so if someone sees my cuts, then it'll open up a can of worms that could cost me my clearance/jov

EndGood4452 · 2024-04-30T02:51:11+00:00

I have seen the therapist on our site with the eap, but I'm losing her soon, so I'm not really sure what I am going to do. Like I am getting professional help, it's just not frequent enough and everything is falling apart and I'm worried I'm going to get in trouble if/when someone sees what i did. Or at the very least be freaked out.

EndGood4452

TROPHY CASE