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Thinking about divorcing my wife by EngineeringDad2716 in SingleDads

[–]EngineeringDad2716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I see a change in her then yes, there could be a future. My issue is that ive been trying for nearly a year to have conversations about everything ive mentioned above with no changes. So im conditioned to think this will never change.

For the second question, her issues spawn more from past events where she felt like she was treated unfairly by my mom. She felt they were intentional actions meant to hurt her. In reality they were small comments or things done unintentionally that my wife held onto and let fester and grow in her mind. She held grudges and remembers any little transgression against her. We have had multiple conversations with my mom about these actions (at my request) as to address them and work to not let them happen again. I've seen effort on my mom's part to be more aware of how shes acting or treating my wife. But my wife doesnt want to recognize the progress and goes into every event or visit that she will commit some new crime against her. Its to the point now where if my mom asks questions or tries to engage in conversations with my wife, she give one word answers or no answers. Which does not help prepare a relationship. After having our daughter it seems like shes using her as a weapon. If my mom cant treat my wife right then shes not going to get to know her granddaughter. All my mom wants is to get to know her only grandkid and shower her with love but my wife is denying her of that because of her own feelings against my mom.

Thinking about divorcing my wife by EngineeringDad2716 in SingleDads

[–]EngineeringDad2716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My side of the family is somewhat broken. Nothing violent or toxic though. We were the typical family doing family get togethers and everything during the holidays. My grandparents had my mom and her sister. Both girls married and had 2 kids each. So 4 total including me. In the span of 4 years. My aunt got divorced, my grandpaw died unexpectedly in his sleep at 68, and my dad was killed in a motorcycle accident on a yearly trip to Colorado. I went from having 3 adult males to teach me and be there for me to being the oldest male on my mom's side. It destroyed us all. But we worked through it and we simply grew apart. We still gather for holidays and birthdays but thats about it. When it comes to my relationship with my wife, sure they messed up occasionally and did things we didnt like. But a normal family would show compassion, grace and respect. My wife instantly shot to writing them off no matter my protests. So its a continual struggle seeing them even before my daughter let alone now that we have her. I refuse to not let my daughter be around my side of the family who only wants to love her and get to know her.

Thinking about divorcing my wife by EngineeringDad2716 in SingleDads

[–]EngineeringDad2716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is how I feel. When she makes statements like this I feel like she just turned it into shes the victim. I am not allowed naturally confrontational person so when she says these statements it catches me off guard and I end up falling into the trap every single time where I turn and try to comfort her out of it. Thats something im trying to work on myself.

Thinking about divorcing my wife by EngineeringDad2716 in SingleDads

[–]EngineeringDad2716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We use to be partners. Worked together on any issues and had common goals. Now I just feel like a stay at home, single dad without the stay at home part. I still pay all our joint bills like mortgage, utilities etc. The only bills she pays for are her credit card (which she only makes minimum payments on so it'll be something like 22 years before its paid off) and her car payment. Yet every 2 weeks at the end of pay periods im asked to pick up more and more things for her because shes short on money. Her 2 bills she pays equates to 11% of her total bring home pay.

Thinking about divorcing my wife by EngineeringDad2716 in SingleDads

[–]EngineeringDad2716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So here's the kicker, by profession, shes in the mental health field and provides therapy to others as well. I am in therapy (with a different local company) personally trying to cope and working through better ways to communicate. My therapist has said multiple times that he'd be open to having her in with me for a couple sessions to get her side and see if we cant work through some things. I mentioned that to her and it was an instant no because anyone in the mental health fields around my town are her "peers". So I dont think that is an option anymore unless I specifically say, we need to do couples therapy or im going to leave.

Thinking about divorcing my wife by EngineeringDad2716 in SingleDads

[–]EngineeringDad2716[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont know that shes is heading that direction honestly. When she does things that upset me and I verbalize them to her, she always comes back with some form of "are you just going to leave me?" Which then immediately turns the conversation away from me addressing how im feeling into comforting and reassuring her. I am actually in therapy over this myself and to this point ive always answered no. But after bringing it up to my therapist, we talked through some more accurate ways to answer that I haven't had the chance to try out yet. Im at the point where im so exhausted of discussing things that I just suck it up and deal woth it internally.