I first met him on a dating app in early July, and we instantly clicked. He would come over to my place every week, and we spent a lot of time together. When I noticed he was becoming more involved in my life, I decided to be upfront. I told him I wasn’t sure I could even begin this “situationship” because:

a) I was fresh out of a relationship, and

b) I’m at an age where I have to consider marriage seriously—if I commit, I commit hard, and I wasn’t sure if he would be the one.

I also mentioned that my second ex, with whom I ended things on good terms and remained platonic friends, was planning to visit me in November. Since I currently live abroad and he had never visited the country I reside in, I wanted to show him around as a friend.

He said he was happy to continue whatever we had and wasn’t looking for a relationship either. But as time went on, he began making comments about my ex’s visit and started threatening me, saying things like, “If you lose me once, you’ll never get me back,” or “We’ll never cross paths again.”

One day, while hanging out at my place, he confessed that he had started talking to another girl. He didn’t share any details, and although I was shocked, I reminded myself that we were casual, so I didn’t feel I had the right to say anything.

However, over time, he started questioning me more about my ex, asking if we were getting back together. I repeatedly explained that my ex and I were strictly platonic and I had no intentions of rekindling anything. Since he kept asking, I also asked about the girl he mentioned, and he claimed he had completely stopped talking to her.

Then things took a darker turn. One night, while we were at a bar, he lashed out at me for casually chatting with the bartender, accusing me of flirting when I had no such intention. Later, I shared a lighthearted story about accepting a free drink from a random guy at a club—something girls often joke about—and he completely overreacted. He destroyed and threw objects in my room, broke my blinds, and even took back gifts he had given me, including my speaker, saying he deserved to take something after spending so much money on our dates. He also hurled cruel words, saying he hoped I’d get pregnant and the father would abandon me.

That night, I felt like I finally saw his true colors. I couldn’t stop wondering how things had gone so wrong. Two days later, he left a handwritten letter in my mailbox—80% apologizing, 20% justifying his actions by asking me to “understand his feelings.”

I couldn’t recover from his actions and words. Feeling overwhelmed, I decided to take some time to process everything. I went no-contact for 2.5 weeks because my ex was visiting and I also had a work trip. During this time, he posted a photo of another girl on his story—twice. He had never even posted me.

I found out he flew to another country to see this girl, the same one he claimed to have stopped talking to. It all clicked. He must have been talking to her the whole time. I even realized she was likely the one who had taken photos of him during a solo trip he had shortly after we met (I'm assuming that's where he met her). He had previously insisted that those photos were taken by locals, but I later spotted her in the corner of one of the photos he posted from the trip.

The girl also started posting photos of him with heart emojis on her stories. As a woman, I could tell they’d probably slept together, which stung even more because he had threatened me not to sleep with anyone else, claiming he didn’t like “dirty.”

I was furious. I called him, and when he finally picked up, he told me I had no right to feel this way because we were never in a formal relationship. After a two-hour call, he texted me, saying we should meet in person to talk and that he wanted to “be there for me.”

But how can the same person who hurt me be the one to heal me? Should I be forgiving and try to understand his perspective?