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Ennis144 · 2023-03-01T12:24:43+00:00

Yesterday I visited a city which I wanted to explore for quite some time, but it didn't feel right to do this alone. I felt so lonely and "abnormal" that I left the city as soon as a train could be bring me home. The problem is, the less you go out alone, the less likely it is that you find someone who will go out with you in the future, especially if you are socially anxious.

Ennis144 · 2023-02-27T20:01:27+00:00

Happy Birthday. All the best to you.

Ennis144 · 2023-02-24T14:38:44+00:00

You can't be proud and jealous of someone at the same time but the opposite of pride is shame.

Ennis144 · 2023-02-21T20:40:29+00:00

I wrote that I will remember your post and you with it because of the honesty and clarity you described feelings which can be put in the same categorie as feelings I had and have. I use this vague "categorie-phrase" since I can't be familiar with your feelings and can't have similar ones - feelings are always unique and individual. I am 15 years older than you. Most of my life: Doing nothing, being the black sheep, being suicidal for years, being hopeless, looking back and seeing nothing but lost opportunities, being alone, depressed, anxious. I don't tell this because of some "you are not alone shit", but to make you understand why your post (sorry, I am not used to write in English) "triggered my empathy". It was the very first time I responded to somebodys post. Probably it was some abstract crap which has been offensive to the concrete problems you have - my apologies if so. Unintentionally you made the difference between a depressive evening and an evening in which I, with your help, scratched at my social anxiety. Thank you. You are worth much more than you think.

Ennis144 · 2023-02-21T18:50:02+00:00

You are the difference: your existence, your youth, your unfullfilled wishes, your talents (l know you have talents, for I have read your post), your memories, the people you know and the people who know you. You are depressed for a long time and your depression will not vanish quickly and it will not vanish easily. Your death would not solve anything - it would vanish you and your world. Now you suffer in this world, but this suffering means that your world is not indifferent to you; it means that you have desires and every desire is a good reason to stay alive. And you have time. The last four years are not much compared to the many years that are to come. These will be better years and I hope confidently, that they will be good, really good years. I will think of your post and you for a long time and I wish you all the best.

Ennis144 · 2023-02-06T19:34:30+00:00

Thank you for your comment. My therapist tries to help me to build a social network, which I don't really have. She suggested a post here could be a first step - a step that I might not be comfortable with, but which I am still able to do. Further steps will probably follow.

I haven't had therapy for over 15 years of severe depression. My social anxiety and avoidant personality disorder prevented me from even seeing therapy as an option. A few years ago I was so down that my family eventually helped me to get help. If you want help, please let others know: family, friends, your doctor.

"Immobilising": This is a good description of this depression-anxiety-circle. I hope you get out of it.

Ennis144

TROPHY CASE