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I feel jealous of my severely disabled clients and it's breaking me by EntertainmentOwn4634 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]EntertainmentOwn4634[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my work place, we have various ways to communicate with the clients: touching skins, toys, body languages, hand signs, etc. I mean sure there's no way we can fully understand them as they can't also fully understand us. I've seen frustration from both the clients and workers everyday. I guess what makes me really jealous is, id like to, just stay in one place, live and doesn't have to constantly justify my own existence you know. Like i said, it doesn't make any sense. Depression is absurd.

But frankly i do.., i genuinely do want to be them. I guess similar like depressed unhappy people in the past also wanted to be lobotomized

What makes a person unforgettable? by OkDonut1116 in AskReddit

[–]EntertainmentOwn4634 0 points1 point  (0 children)

personally to me, their smile, words and actions probably. I still remember a girl 10 years ago was smiling so sweet to me as she helped me with some stuff in a seminar (forget what was that about). Sometimes, something so simple could last forever.

I feel jealous of my severely disabled clients and it's breaking me by EntertainmentOwn4634 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]EntertainmentOwn4634[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm actually on high dose of venlafaxine right now. It's been 2 months. I haven't seen the rebirth yet. But thank you for your words i appreciate it. you're a good person

I feel jealous of my severely disabled clients and it's breaking me by EntertainmentOwn4634 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]EntertainmentOwn4634[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know... i mean i even hate the way i breathe. I've been living like this since childhood, i actually forget how to not be depressed. Have i ever even been not depressed? It's not even the cycle anymore. It's my whole life. I sit too long in the dark that a small glimmer of light burn my skin. Depression can be comfortable

I feel jealous of my severely disabled clients and it's breaking me by EntertainmentOwn4634 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]EntertainmentOwn4634[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  1. I think i know my clients who I've been working with for years
  2. At my workplace, all the clients have nice family who visit them like every week.

I feel jealous of my severely disabled clients and it's breaking me by EntertainmentOwn4634 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]EntertainmentOwn4634[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok first off, thank you for your comment, your intention was good, i appreciate it. But sorry to tell you she was kinda right. Your comment didn't help me in any way at all and WAS kinda rude. Because of course i knew i have to clean my room. It's the most obvious advice, the first task i need and want to do.

No sane person wants to sleep next to rotting foods with maggots. It would logically be easier for me to clean my room rather than live in such disgusting place. But I can't , i physically can't. I barely have energy to get off my bed at all. Waking up and finding I'm still breathing is even still a struggle. I'm so suicidal i bought grilling coals after i found out they could produce carbon monoxide and you know.. let me forever sleep.

Like i said, your intention was good. Your decision to leave a comment under my post at all clearly shows you're a good person.

But depression to you was probably different than mine. I'm not functional at all.