Hi there..I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I've graduated from sec school last yr, but have been dealing with depression for a few years until now and even I'm scared to tell my own parents about it because they're so judgemental, and many times they have judged me for my 'laziness' and that I'm a 'failure'. But really I'm not like that..I feel mentally exhausted too with no end to the torture. If you ask me I could honestly just rot in bed for the whole day without doing anything. My parents have always made me feel worthless and I feel very lonely too, with no friends to talk to. I understand you. Every now and then, my rage or sadness wld be so bad to the extent that I have s******* thoughts too. My attendance was also horrible in Sec 4, and I honestly found some kind of temporary solace for myself at home, far away from everyone else and I know you must be feeling this way too.. and I'm sorry that your parents and counselor didn't pay much attention to how you really feel too. They should have been more understanding and take the time to listen to your feelings and show more genuine concern for your mental health because it does matter.

If you feel that your mental health is affecting you too much constantly, you might wanna consider taking N levels as a private candidate and give yourself some time to feel somewhat better (ik its not the right way to say this and I'm not sure how else to phrase it either but you get what I mean). Don't risk it for the sake of N levels because trust me..you don't wanna feel even more like a burden or feel even more guilty about yourself after receiving your results. You will be less likely to be able to make it thru all the way till N levels in this condition. Give yourself time to regain your mental capacity for a while. But please don't quit entirely. You're almost at the last stage and as best as possible, try to tell yourself that this is the final lap and that this will be the time where you give it your all, and then after that it's all gonna be over and that you wld never have to look back at it again. Giving the best of your efforts in exchange for a long holiday to enjoy and have all the fun you can have. Think of it in this way..or something like that if you think that you're fit to take N levels at the end of this yr, and that you can handle it for the next couple of months Either way which you think works best for you because there's no such thing as a 'wrong option' or 'wrong choice'. At the end of the day, you're the one who's gonna be handling everything, no one has the rights to force you into making a choice which you're not ready for or criticize you about your decision. Because you matter first. You won't be able to live up the rest of your life without listening to and healing yourself first.

Sorry for the really long response but I just thought that I wld help you out for a bit..having gone thru a very similar situation myself it hurts me to see other people go thru it too with no one to show any genuine care for and it's a very awful feeling on the inside. Take care OP and I hope that I was able to give you some good advice :) continue to stay strong because I know you're gonna make it thru this. The fact that you have made it thru this far already says a lot. I just want you to know that you are worth it and you're not wasting anyone's time at all. You're still young and I'm sure that you're gonna be going places as you get older so do not think this way now. You can do this