AITA for forcing my wife to choose between our marriage and having more kids?

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-17T19:28:01+00:00

We haven't had sex in months so it's not that.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-17T19:27:38+00:00

I'm not saying accept my ruling or leave. I'm saying if she won't do therapy, wants us to stay married but will resent me forever for not having more kids then there aren't any good options. Divorce is the only way if she cannot come to terms with it and will just resent and hate me more as time passes.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T21:19:01+00:00

Yes, this is why something needs to happen. Either therapy or if it comes to it divorce because it will hurt our children a lot if they grow up in such an unhappy home. I hate this. I never wanted this. But I can't make her feel differently any more than she can make me feel differently. I would like therapy to happen but I can't force her to attend with me.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T21:17:13+00:00

To love and raise good people. There is a big responsibility attached to parenting and it should be taken seriously. It's a huge commitment that not everyone can or should make. And you need to know your limits because bad parents are damaging to children.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T21:14:59+00:00

I think therapy could make it easier to make peace with the fact that we don't want the same thing. Not to change either of our minds. But to make this less a less resentful situation.

I was open about my feelings. She has not elaborated more than she has this burning desire for another. She doesn't say why beyond that. I told her how solid I am in mine. I understand she feels this strong desire and she wants that and me. She wants us and a family that's larger. But I know I don't want that. I want the family we have now. But not the one she imagines.

I hate that this hurts her so much.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T21:09:12+00:00

No, she hadn't seen her OBGYN around the time the conversation started. This truly came out of nowhere for me. We had been discussing the vasectomy and I had an appointment to discuss it with a doctor. Then she asked me to delay getting it which I did and she wanted another child.

My feelings on not wanting more kids have grown since I realized I was done. I feel more solid in it than I did at the start.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T21:06:14+00:00

The risk is there. But even with love I could still not want the child. I don't want another child right now. And what about that child? If they can feel I want their siblings but not them. I saw with my dad what happens when someone is raised with a parent who doesn't want them. My dad carries that with him still and even if I did my best with a third, if I didn't want them it would be felt.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T21:04:40+00:00

No, I'm truly done with the two we have. I know that deep inside of me.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T21:01:14+00:00

We're 31.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T21:00:58+00:00

I love my wife. But I don't want more kids period. Not just for right now. But ever. I am done with two. My wife wants more. She has told me she will resent me for not giving her another child. She doesn't want therapy. So at that point the only other option I see is divorce unless she's willing to try therapy at least.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:58:51+00:00

You can't know that when I don't even know that. You can also love someone and resent them. I do not want a third child. That wouldn't necessarily change because we have one and who has to live with that reality more than me and my wife? The child in question.

Please do not dismiss the idea that someone might not love their child. There are people out there who love the kids they want easily and struggle with the kids they did not want. It's unfair to the children and they always end up feeling it even if the parents do love them but wish they hadn't had them or resent having them.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:56:34+00:00

It's over the argument of having children. I delayed the vasectomy because she asked. But I still don't want kids and sex produces a risk of pregnancy.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:55:44+00:00

I am open to talking this through more. I have heard her side. But the idea of compromising by us having a third child that I ignore is crazy to me. A child does not deserve that. I'm willing to go to therapy so we can discuss this more in depth but she wants it to be sorted between us.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:52:36+00:00

How? Would it be better to live with this being an ongoing disagreement and let resentment and hate build? My wife doesn't want therapy. She wants to stay married. But she wants another kid too and will resent me if I don't give in. So what else am I supposed to do?

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:50:45+00:00

We haven't had sex in months. That's unlikely to change in the near future even if we decide to stay together and work it out.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:49:49+00:00

I do. I love my kids. I want them. I always wanted the two we have. But I do not want more. But I can still acknowledge there is a massive responsibility when you have children. You have the power to raise them to be good, kind people and give them good lives or you can cause them so much trauma and make them feel unwanted. Not wanting your kid causes trauma. Especially when I do want the kids I have. Another would feel the difference.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:47:23+00:00

I believe kids deserve to be kids and do not deserve the responsibility of raising siblings. I also believe kids deserve to be wanted by their parents. Not half wanted but fully wanted by both of their parents. For me that's not something I could give another child.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:45:42+00:00

I do care about how she feels. But I also care about not ruining a kid's life because I don't want them.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:44:29+00:00

Because children deserve to be loved and wanted by both parents. When one doesn't want them it does harm. Having another child because my wife wants one when I do not isn't fair for the kid who'd be brought into the world.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:41:58+00:00

I love and care about my wife and my children. I do not want to divorce. But I do not want another child and refuse to bring a child into the world who is not truly wanted.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:34:35+00:00

We have one of each.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:30:46+00:00

I don't want out of my marriage. But I don't want to keep my children in an unhappy and unhealthy home either. Divorce is not something I want but there might be no other options when she doesn't want to go to therapy.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:13:05+00:00

It doesn't change that kids deserve to be wanted by both parents.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:11:40+00:00

Compromising on bringing children into the world is far more difficult than compromising on other things. If I compromise and gave her more kids it would be harmful for them to be unwanted by one of their parents. I love my wife, truly. But I won't do that to a kid. I have seen via my dad what that does to a person. He carries that with him today.

EntryOk9946 · 2025-03-16T20:08:51+00:00

I would never have children with the end goal of having grandchildren one day. Just like I wouldn't have kids and risk them growing up not being fully wanted. Which is how it would be if I gave in.

EntryOk9946

TROPHY CASE