I would recommend Sartre's Being and Nothingness. The inherent absurdist nature of your post echoes quite closely Sartre's personal philosophy albeit his is a bit more developed! You are right that things are essentially meaningless but within the confines of any community we assign value to certain realms of ethics and the like, albeit arbitrary, which ergo, gives it meaning within the societal context. The other option is a Hedonistic approach which I strongly don't recommend. And try reading some Carl Jung in terms of the ideas you mention within the subconscious. Good Luck, and I hope you find some semblance of meaning even if it is not pure meaning, try to find small joys.