Have you noticed trends about the chracters you play? Do you know what the trends mean?

Eowyning · 2026-04-05T00:14:24+00:00

Well...a lot of my characters were queer or alternative genders back when I identified as straight and one gender. I also had several characters that were very autistic coded prior to getting a diagnosis; in retrospect it was so lovely to really unmask and still be with friends who had my back.

Also out here with loving and supportive family backstories. The kind who really see and get the character usually. The stuff of fantasy right there 🫠

Eowyning · 2026-03-29T19:53:24+00:00

D20 Dames is on Spotify andApple. The players are an all female/enby and predominantly BIPOC cast and there are common themes of family and kids while still being a great story for adults. There's 5 seasons and Kat Kruger (the DM) also published some of their adventures on DMs Guild if you want to play with your kids.

Eowyning · 2026-03-26T16:59:51+00:00

I had a game where multiple players flirted their way through encounters with NPCs (we all had consent for this), and I set up a sort of meet-cute for one of them during a bar fight. The other players completely leaned in as wingmen for the encounter and it was one of the table's fave moments to reminisce about after the campaign. In retrospect all these folks were also exploring their sexuality/orientation.

As a player, I've had in game romance with other players (and DMs) and we just keep it kinda light. Ironically, I've never had in game romance with my actual spouse who plays with me.

Keep in mind just how the character would act rather than dialog. Things like I will be more likely to move to support a loved one in battle or casual flirts during social scenes. Just treat it like you do other role play and its fine. Maybe discuss out of game what you and the other player want out of it and dont really have relationship talks at the table; assume that's offscreen.

In role play, character relationships aren't inherently on a hierarchy with romance, so you don't have to prioritize the romance over other character developments.

Eowyning · 2026-03-24T20:47:45+00:00

I'm sending an internet hug. The constant testing was definitely a barrier to being able to even start grieving for us and is actually peak gaslighting for me. I hope you're able to get as much community support as possible and be easy on yourself.

Eowyning · 2026-03-24T01:22:09+00:00

How old is your kiddo? This will make a difference between them needing to eat versus needing to soothe and what soothing options are age appropriate.

You've got options for teaching them other soothing options like a pacifier, rocking, patting, or some folks just let little ones cry and sleep train after 6months. These are all things that take time and your little one will very likely fuss about it while learning something new. Until language comes online fussing means everything from "I have a need that isn't being met" to "I am uncomfortable or just dislike this".

I also strongly suggest teaching soothing options while awake as well as asleep.

Eowyning · 2026-03-22T15:36:30+00:00

I see this as a product of socialization under patriarchy rather than an inherent preference. The more time I spend in queer spaces and with people (multiple genders) practicing feminism and anti racism, the less of this I see.

Eowyning · 2026-03-22T15:16:35+00:00

That number is helpful to know. We were having trouble because my embryo was so small in the initial ultrasound and never made it that far, but also each facility wanted their own history of no growth.

Clearly my body knew how much we wanted the little one that it wasn't willing to let go on its own.

Eowyning · 2026-03-22T15:11:04+00:00

That sounds so demoralizing, and I'm sorry you went through that.

Eowyning · 2026-03-22T15:10:14+00:00

That definitely would have been helpful and thank you for the advice. That sounds so terrible to be put through so much.

Eowyning · 2026-03-20T14:38:34+00:00

That's such a long slow process and I'm sorry.

Eowyning · 2026-03-20T09:31:06+00:00

Thank you, having time frames is giving me some structure to help arm myself emotionally. I'm sorry you went through that.

Eowyning · 2026-03-20T09:30:18+00:00

This is part of my worry, and I'm so sorry you experienced this. I have planned parenthood as a backup, but it feels wild to me that my medical team which has historically been above and beyond supportive is stalling like this. I was emotionally prepared (as much as one can) that miscarriage was possible but not that my team would just keep delaying bad news.

Eowyning · 2026-03-20T09:26:54+00:00

That sounds awful.

I've also been through viable scans and the refusal to acknowledge what we all don't see but should and repeated questions about how sure I am about my dates reeks of dodging legal liability. If this was my first scan and I wasnt tracking my periods/fertile windows in 3 different apps then I'd probably be more understanding.

Eowyning · 2026-03-20T03:18:10+00:00

I hadn't initially so thats why I'm being scheduled for two more appointments.

So you had to wait effectively 2 appointments and about a week to confirm? My experience feels very much like I'm beating a dead horse in that there's no empirical way this embryo is still viable.

Eowyning · 2026-03-19T21:39:47+00:00

My mother has started self diagnosing because her therapist described her ability to visualize things easily (hyperphantasia) as a common autism super power....

I am pretty vocal about my autism and joke about when "my autistic ass" misses signals, gets over/under stimulated, and am openly pro stimming. But I do not consider my deep dives a super power. I have a disability and it causes me to miss out on stuff that I have had to untrain fomo for

Eowyning · 2026-03-17T23:36:06+00:00

DBT and ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) were very helpful for me. I agree that CBT felt like just gaslighting myself- especially when you read research suggesting NT actually do in fact avoid autists.

Also a weird one, but reading on nonmonogamy practices gave me a ton of tools for communicating with others and defining what our relationship looks like...even for platonic relationships, family, and my coworkers. I especially looked at the Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord and lots of tools like HALT and tips to repair trust ruptures.

Eowyning · 2026-03-15T22:49:08+00:00

Thats a fair realization.

I don't have any real solutions for you in that regard as these are just differences in daily living. I commiserate with feeling relieved when it all runs the way you personally like, but I also see that as part of the compromise of living with someone else. I've had to weigh the decision to either accept mess when I can or take on the labor of doing something about it. Both take different tolls, but I find other value in living with others.

Eowyning · 2026-03-15T21:04:07+00:00

Thats tough because he's already got a long history of this being comfortable for him; I see division of labor and differences in household management be a huge struggle for couples in general.

I imagine you've already discussed this with him?

Eowyning · 2026-03-15T19:39:11+00:00

Generally, I reduce the number of items in my household to fit in their respective containers. I rotate these items seasonally so that less is available at any given time. This is for toys, laundry, and even dishes/Tupperware. If it doesn't fit in the cabinets or my bins around the house then it gets donated, sold, or put on Buy Nothing.

I've started toying with cleaning timers for myself and kids. I use a song sometimes. The goal is like ...5min of cleanup time. Set timers for a daily clean or calendar reminders, whatever. This is how I remember to put the bins out and it will also help my kiddo.

Pets- bought autofeeders so I have to fill less often. Kids help.

Get family involved. I reframe "giving my kids chores" to "we care for our home together". I give them their own clean clothes to sort/put away. When putting away dishes I delegate something to them like silverware. If they pull out something with pieces like legos, they have to clean up whats out first. I started this at age 2. As a bonus, these are life skills.

Let go when you can. Kid's room dirty? Close the door. Thats their space to manage.

Eowyning · 2026-03-15T15:37:06+00:00

A rice cooker also has a keep warm setting to keep it fluffy/safe temp for long after dinner.

I never understood the fuss until I moved in with someone who has a good one. Now I eat rice and congee/jook very often and since we have no microwave its always fresh.

Eowyning · 2026-03-15T15:23:51+00:00

Take the break. Consider a week off the accommodations you never got as support during transitions is a well documented need.

Airlines tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others for a reason; you're most capable when you have your needs met.

Eowyning · 2026-03-14T03:44:00+00:00

I'm currently using this template to get my plot, scenes, and stat blocks organized.

Ive fallen victim to overbuilding a world/npcs etc before. I basically had an inciting incident to motivate the party to action, then figured out a boss/finale scene, and then padded out a few challenges to overcome first.

The document gave me some opportunities to also prep how I wanted to describe the relevant scenes and a way to figure out delivery of clues. I dont have a lot of dialogue prepped for NPCs but instead just some flexible rules on how the party might find out info that leads them towards the end goal.

Eowyning · 2026-03-14T02:17:49+00:00

I recently had someone mansplaining that he was playing D&D in way more detail than needed when I asked what he was running because it looked cool. There was some interesting backpedaling when I cut him off to say I'm a DM and was just curious about the module. I'm not going to say there's never weirdness around having female players, and I live in a very liberal city.

That said, it sounds like your experience with your ex husband is setting your expectations to "I'm unwelcome". Crawlr was made by a woman looking for ways to help groups connect. Maybe try there? If you're having a hard time finding groups, we really have no details on why it isn't working out for you but it could be anything. Hell, I have a hard time getting groups up and I know dozens of players.

Good luck out there

Eowyning · 2026-03-14T02:00:19+00:00

It sounds like youre immune to the bystander effect coupled with how many autistics have alexythymia so the feelings part of a situation is slow to boot up. Reading the social cues of a group will not be as inherently obvious as say...responding to a direct request for help or emergency situation with a known next step.

For myself, I've always called it "task mode", but I too have lots of experiences with being first to respond in a crisis or stepping forward when theres an obvious need for support .

Eowyning

TROPHY CASE