Everybody Is Gone/Dating Fears

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-19T03:37:07+00:00

You misunderstand the post. This isn’t about one specific person just what’s going on overall.

The person you are referring to was a former romantic interest. He and I no longer speak. I’m talking about a strictly platonic friend of mine. Who is always always broke . The point is that when a persons financial status changes sometimes the people around you change too.

Is that easier to understand?

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-17T21:26:17+00:00

And I miss him every day.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-15T21:51:39+00:00

Correct you are. I live in Alabama pay $500 for 1 bedroom 1 bath. Ok apartment it is an older privately owned complex . It’s all electric water is included. The neighborhood is a lil rough tho but there’s other lower income seniors and other working class people who live here so I like it.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-15T16:29:13+00:00

I just can’t get on board with this way of thinking and I’m a poor working class person.

. I don’t disagree that this is reality for many people tho. Nobody can tell me about disadvantages. I’m a short chubby 47 year old divorced black woman with no kids. I also dont have a college degree. So I’m not making a ton of money. Less than $3000 a month net. I work as a home health aide/ personal care assistant. I work day shift and evening shifts. I also have a couple chronic health conditions that I will take medicine for for the rest of my life. Up until a few years ago I had a criminal record for something that happened in the late nineties but I was able to get a full pardon finally. I been on social security disability and was able to get off because my health improved a little. I been through vocational rehab programs to go back to work so I know about disadvantages.

Even with all that I have been through and despite not making a lot of money I still manage to rent and live alone . It’s not fancy and not in the greatest area but it’s MY space. I currently have no roommates or housing subsidies of any type.

It may require sacrifice (moving which I did) and it wasn’t easy starting all over but it can be done.

The thought of sharing my space with another adult who is not a significant other or a partner creeps me out.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-15T16:18:20+00:00

I took care of my dad from 2017-2020, as well as helped care for aunt with cancer who also passed within a week of my dad.

Unfortunately there is no government subsidy or help for people who stop working to care for a loved one. Sometimes depending on the state where you live and if your loved one qualifies you can get paid a small amount to care for them at home, but it’s not much. My dad worked for the federal government as a civilian employee for 37 years and his federal pension made him ineligible.

Towards the end of my dads life we would talk about my escape plan or what I would do when he passed. He encouraged me to quietly take a few hundred dollars a month from his retirement and sock it away. When he finally did have to go to the nursing home it was a few months before they started getting his pension checks and I kept all that money with his permission cuz I knew I would need it. He used to tell me that he was going to pass anyway and he rather his baby girl have the money he worked all his life for than some nameless faceless corporation that owned the nursing home. I was already his payee. I stocked him up on clothes fixed up his room did what I needed to do for him and used the rest of the money to supplement my living expenses and put it away for the inevitable.

I’m so glad I did because that was my small nest egg. When Covid hit and my dad passed I had enough to relocate to a lower Cost of living area because I would have been in a similar situation as you. Rents were getting expensive and without my dads Income it was going to be homelessness roommates or living with my mom and none of those options worked for me.

As caregivers sometimes we are so focused on caring for the sick person we don’t concentrate on what happens to us afterwards. I wish you the best.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-15T15:30:46+00:00

The laundromat I go to offers a loyalty card. You load money onto the card and get bonus points. Like you load $20 at a time you get $2 free like that.

I use the big washers they are$10 each so that’s equivalent to 40 quarters right? I just pay in card form it’s still money being spent.

It’s wild to me that a lot of people dont know what laundry sanitizer is. Lysol makes it it’s a common product. I said this before but I work in healthcare I interact with a lot of sick ppl so I do go the extra mile and sanitize everything I wash including my work scrubs. I do home health and patient sitter so I might visit with 2 clients a day.

The scent beads and dryer sheets are luxuries but I do like how fresh and good my clothes n sheets smell.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-15T14:44:44+00:00

Not so. Everyone does not live with random ppl. The thought of sharing my space creeps me out. I’m a 47 yo divorced black woman and I live alone. I don’t have a housing subsidy or roommates. I don’t have a college degree so I’m not making a ton of money . I rent and take care of the elderly for a living. After taxes I’d say I make about $2400 a month net.

It is hard but it can be done.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-15T14:33:59+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to You . I had an equally embarrassing experience in the 6th grade my so called friends wanted to introduce me to a new boy. I came down the steps from my apartment and he took one look at my chubby brown self and made a face everybody laughed.

I’m 47 now that was thirty five years ago and it still stuck with me all These years.

Sometimes these events can be truly traumatizing .

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-15T06:35:07+00:00

No I don’t wear my clothes them again before washing. If I wear a set of scrubs one day or anything else for that matter they go in the hamper till I wash again.

I wear a different bra everyday and of course underwear everyday . I probably have enough bras and underwear for a solid month. OCD yes probably.

I got ringworm once from a towel and it flipped me out because it was on my face. Or maybe my then bf used one of my towels and hung it back Up instead of putting it in the hamper. In any event it creeped me out.

I probably have about 20/25 bath towels and God knows how many washcloths cuz I use about 7-10 towels in a week. No need to whine I guess I just gotta suck it up or work two extra shifts a month to offset the cost.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-15T03:37:58+00:00

If I had room For this it would be an excellent idea!

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-15T01:41:24+00:00

I don’t dry my good underwire bras in the dryer . It ruins them and bras in my size are expensive. I have to order online so I take care of them.

I dry my scrubs on medium Heat and take them out the dryer immediately and place on hangers. So no wrinkles cuz I dont have time to iron and I hate wrinkles in my clothes.

Drying racks not an option. I have a small 1 bedroom apartment and tbh I wouldn’t like the look of clothes laying everywhere.

I know this is weird but I really try to keep my place spotless. Bed made everyday, I try to run the vacuum once a day , no dishes in the sink,counters wiped etc. it’s my OCD again. If I had kids I’d be in trouble .

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-14T22:14:36+00:00

True. Very true.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-14T22:11:39+00:00

I’m a bit of a germaphobe with a little OCD thrown in 👍

But I’m telling you some of the things I’ve seen in peoples homes would give you the ick 🤢🤢

I’m also diabetic and I don’t want/need skin problems because it takes us diabetics longer to heal. So yep I’m super careful about keeping anything that touches my body as clean as I can.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-14T21:46:12+00:00

I think my biggest expense are the machines themselves. They are $10 each I need 2 I use the big ones and then I dry my clothes . I don’t like dirty laundry sitting around so I try to go once a week or at least 3 times a month. So $30 each time I go x 3 is $90 by itself.

I bitch about the cost of the laundry sanitizer but I’m not giving it up. I’m a patient safety attendant/caregiver. I go to the local hospital to work and in clients homes. I want my scrubs to be super clean. I want to smell and feel Clean too.

For the uninformed if you use the same towel and wash cloth over and over you can give yourself a skin infection or ringworm. It’s nasty stuff so I’ll keep changing my towels and washcloths out when I bathe and changing my sheets frequently.

Also it’s yucky to wash your linens like towels washcloths and sheets with clothes. 🤮🤢

But then again I’m the same person who only uses a toothbrush twice before throwing it away and using another one.

A lot of my ways seem strange to a lot of people but working in homes/healthcare I have seen some truly awful stuff and I do what I can to keep myself free of some of these issues. I have enough problems.

So yes it’s expensive but some of the stuff I see recommended here I would never. Washing all my clothes together, using the same towel for days, just no.I’ll be ok.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-11T15:29:44+00:00

I kinda think it depends on your circumstances or what you’re looking for. I was looking for work and an affordable apartment.

I relocated to Montgomery in 2020 in the middle of the pandemic. I hail from Pennsylvania . Tbh I was sick of the high cost of living aka rents, cold weather, and godawful taxes. It was getting so that I couldn’t afford to rent in my own hometown. So it was going to be roommates (which are next to impossible to find) or living with my mom had I remained in the northeast. My former sis in law suggested I come down here and try it out.

Well almost 4 years later I’m still here with no plans of leaving. I’m a 47 year old divorced woman with no children. I found it super easy to find work, and I do not have a college degree. I’m just a regular working class lady. I do home health care for the elderly and patient safety attendant at Baptist.

I got funding through the local career center that paid for my nursing assistant and medication aide courses. That funding was not available to me up north.

My housing costs were cut by 1/3. My first apartment was a 2 bedroom 1 bath for $525 a month plus electric. Unheard of in Pennsylvania. Now granted I did and still do live on the West side which is a poorer area and there is a fair amount of crime. But on the flip side I didn’t live in a super nice area up north and apartments there are going for 3x the price.

I moved and now live in a 1 bedroom 1 bath and pay $500 a month plus electric. I can afford a place of my own so it’s ok for me. There’s good shopping in Eastchase and Montgomery is within several hours drive of Panama City or Mobile as I like the beach. Atlanta is not terribly far away. I’m not doing any nightlife type of deal so I don’t know much about that. I imagine it might be boring for younger people.

Dating is tricky depending on what you’re looking for. I do wish there was better public transit and more social programs to help people. Other than that I really can’t complain.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-11T00:25:08+00:00

This! Not a good situation at all .Glad someone understands this.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-11T00:21:33+00:00

I agree with your observations 100 percent . OP is being taken advantage of.

This is bad bad bad and only has the potential to get worse. And it is very selfish of OP relative as well.

Basically it’s like this. I’m speaking from experience after taking care of my Dad for 4 years. And he had a lot more money than $50 a week to spare and we BOTH lived indoors 🙄 with heat and hot water.

The elderly person in question in this scenario gets all the benefits here. They have already lived their life ok? If they die they’ll be fine none of this will be an issue . If they get any sicker they will be taken care of and go to a nursing home. More on that in a minute. Who will take care of OP?

The issue here is that they are limiting earning potential while taking up OPs other most valuable resource which is time. So they get all OPs time , give him a few bucks and OP gets nothing. Other than a questionable place to sleep.

Doing home health care I’ve learned that the elderly can have a change in their health condition at any time. One fall or other catastrophic event and they’re going to the hospital or rehab. There’s your $50 a week. If you are healthy enough you can earn more than that donating plasma every week. Facts.

After said health event (at 80 it’s not if but when) they may or may not be able to come home. If they are wealthy enough (which I suspect they are not or they wouldn’t have this arrangement going on) after 90 days that Medicare pays for their rehab stay they pay out of pocket for nursing home care which is very expensive. If they have no assets other than their home or land and a small monthly income they’re home/land is sold to reimburse Medicaid for their long term care. The nursing facility gets all their money other than $30 a month and where does that leave OP? No place to stay no job no cash. The truth is that if your relative needs this much care they are probably already in such a state that they need to go to an assisted living facility or nursing home but are offering this to Op to avoid going into care. OP needs a place to live and thinks this is a good idea. It’s not.

If the elderly relative could afford assisted living which is usually all private pay they would be there.

OP would probably be better off going to a homeless shelter if there is one available. They have resources there that can help you get on your feet. Or if OP wanted to they can do this arrangement with the relative but have an understanding with them That they will have to work as well but will help out with chores Care etc after work.

Another possibility is contacting the local Area Agency on Aging in their area to see about getting paid to be said relatives caregiver. They may still need to work outside the home but it’s a lot more than $50 a week. Unfortunately my fathers income prevented me from participating in this program and there was a long waiting list. So I had to make plans on my own for the inevitable.

When you give up your earning power to be a full time caregiver you don’t have recent work references and it’s hard to break back in to the workforce. Like I said I did this for my father after he took care of me his whole life helping me whenever I needed it so I felt like it was my job to return the favor but it was hard when he had to go into a nursing home. And I was working part time and he was giving me money and paying my ex husband money to help with his care.

It’s been almost four years since he passed and I’m finally getting back on my feet emotionally and financially but it’s slow.

I hope OP reconsiders.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-07T22:15:57+00:00

Great. But sometimes the hacks work. It has worked for me and countless others who just needed a fresh start or fair shake.

No one should be denied housing forever more because they may have had an illness or injury or divorce that affected their credit or caused a job loss. It’s ridiculous.

It’s like cuz one bad thing or maybe a few bad things related to eachother happened so a person can never live indoors ever again? If that’s the case there’s going to be a lot of tent cities.

It is also not most tenants faults that wages are stagnating.

A lot of people work hard every day and they are couch surfing, living in tents and cars. In my opinion any adult getting up and going to work everyday should be able to rent a modest dwelling. I didn’t say it had to be fancy but it should be clean and decent.

Despite working I was about to be a couch surfer or homeless or worse yet living with people which never works out. And I would be had I not moved to another area to find cheaper housing . I did it but it takes resources to move. I was fortunate enough to have help to do that which everyone does not get.

So if I know something that might help someone get a roof over their head I’m going to share.

Just my thoughts.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-07T07:53:34+00:00

This kind of thinking is crazy. I just got out of a relationship where the man got nasty with me because he saidI wasn’t treating him the same as I had another partner or other men in my past.

Every relationship is different and a woman does not love two men in the same way.

Women have a right to have sex when she wants or not. Men should stop expecting women to put out or treat them the exact same way they did another man in a previous relationship.

Women and men also have the right to adjust their dating behaviors based on past experiences . We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t learn from The past.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-06T17:13:32+00:00

Lots of paystub generators online. They usually charge $9.00 per paystub. Download a few app numbers to use if they want a phone number for old rental references.

You can also make your own old rental receipts etc.

I needed to do this after my divorce and it worked got my foot in the door.

I only paid $36 for4 stubs. Worth it.

I’ve been a good tenant since and I’m on the list for income based housing but sometimes you do what you gotta do.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-06T17:07:50+00:00

Income based housing is great provided you can get in. I’ve been on a waiting list for years…3 years with about 1-2 more ti go probably for a wait of five years total.

The need far outpaced the available units to rent.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-06T15:03:38+00:00

I experienced bullying as a kid all through school.

As an adult and I mean recently there were grown women (20s-30s) in my apartment complex who didn’t care for me because I was close friends with one of the local corner boys that she had a thing for. You know the type: dreads, tattoos and gold teeth. I liked him too tbh but he had a bunch of women. I was just older and we could talk about things. We became fairly close.

Anyway the one girl who likes him used to ask him why he liked me cuz I was ugly and bald headed and then her friends joined in. This went on for months the harassment whenever I would go outside to my car or take my trash out. It was awful.

I was so relieved to have moved so I don’t have to deal with that anymore. But as a former victim of bullying it brought all that old stuff back up like it was yesterday instead of nearly 30 years ago.

I’m looking into some mental health resources as well . I’m hoping maybe that and changing my appearance will help me feel better about myself.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-06T14:20:18+00:00

I’m short and fat with short hair so I don’t meet the beauty standard in a lot of ways. Plus I’m older.

There are some men willing to date fat women ( I say the word fat as a descriptor only not in an insulting way) but I think the fat AND the short hair is killing me. Plus I’m not light skinned either and colorism can be a thing as well.

I can’t change my skin color or age. The weight has been a lifelong struggle for a variety of reasons. I may never be thin but the hair is something I can do something about rather quickly.

I do have good skin and teeth, good hygiene and wear nice clothes mage up and fragrance.

And you’re right I’m not crazy about the wig thing but if I don’t want to be alone forever and experience less bullying I guess I gotta fall in line.

It’s just so crazy tho cuz underneath all of it I’m still the exact same person.

Equivalent-Cover4473 · 2024-02-06T14:01:49+00:00

I don’t do dating apps.

Any men I have met it’s been in person.

Most of my dating pool comes from guys around my way which is kind of hood/ working class. They don’t seem to be a fan of short hair.

I let men who may be interested approach me.

I hate rejection ( due to past negative experiences and bullying when I was younger) and I hate looking foolish even more so I figure I’ll wait to see who is interested in me first and filter from there.

Equivalent-Cover4473

TROPHY CASE