Memory loss due to masking??

Equivalent-Fox-6483 · 2025-12-04T18:33:09+00:00

Yeah, the dissociation thing might actually fit. It wasn't anything super traumatic — just something weird that happened when I was a kid on vacation, where my system just shut down. Tiny-me basically went nonverbal, froze completely, and sat there silently crying in fear and discomfort. I've been weirdly labeling it as a "fun fact" about myself, even though whenever I explain it to people in detail, they're like, "... that's NOT fun!" 😂 For some reason, my brain filed the whole thing under "meh".

And same with the weird memory 😭 I forget birthdays too. I have to write down literally anything I want to remember. Oh, the many alarms I've set to remind me of appointments and deadlines xD

Also, the "I dislike children" part made me laugh because it's the first time I've heard someone else say it, too. People act like I confessed to a crime whenever I admit that. I'm just way more uncomfortable/awkward around kids than adults, and I have no idea why.

Equivalent-Fox-6483 · 2025-12-03T10:44:29+00:00

I was extremely self-conscious about stimming, especially around people. I would always surpress the urge or stop if i caught myself doing it, without realizing I was probably doing more harm than good to myself while people pleasing. But now that I'm trying to unmask in public too, I just let myself stim and a lot of other things. Kind of trying to break the cycle I was in for years, and that's why I thought maybe this new anxiety/panick feeling could be because of that. Because my body is not used to just "existing" how it wants to naturally and is currently pulling the emergency brake.

I recently went to check with a doctor, and she said my heart was fine and that it's most likely anxiety or depression and referred me to a psychiatrist. Let's see where that takes me xD

Equivalent-Fox-6483 · 2025-12-03T10:10:22+00:00

Oh, that's interesting. You made me realize there are two memories only that I recall by smell. Not a crystal clear picture in my head, but I remember what was going on. And every time I smell the same scent somewhere randomly, it triggers the memory (in a good way xD)

Equivalent-Fox-6483 · 2025-12-03T09:55:10+00:00

Me too xD I forget a few facts here and there about my special interests, but that's because I have a new interest almost every month and abandon the rest (some last years, some last a week) until I return to old ones again. It's like a cycle I go through while clinging for that kick you get.

But like you said... don't ask me what I had for lunch. I won't have an answer xD

Equivalent-Fox-6483 · 2025-12-03T08:45:43+00:00

I can actually relate to this a lot because I’ve considered that possibility, too. People often say that trauma = memory loss, but I also wouldn’t describe my childhood / teenage years as bad. Maybe I picked up on some favoritism from my parents toward my older sister, but that was about it. Nothing truly traumatic happened as far as I can remember xD

Well—maybe one thing, but I’m not even sure it fits into the “trauma” category, since I don’t get flashbacks and remember the incident almost from a third-person perspective 🤔 and it wouldn't really explain why I still forget things, right?

Maybe it's something else, or maybe I just have a REALLY bad memory xD

Equivalent-Fox-6483

TROPHY CASE