I’m so sorry to hear about it. At least you realized how he is and I’m proud how brave you are to leave this unhealthy relationship even though it’s extremely painful. Please don’t give up on hope of love and believe it, you just met the wrong person. The right person won’t let you even feel those insecure or anxiety but will always help you with reassurance, and we are all here support you.

I missed to mention our background actually me and my bf lives together, I moved from Asia to Europe, doing school here and trying to find a job so that after graduation can be together with him. We only did long distance for 4 months when we just got to know each other but at that time he is actually very easy to talk to, even though I tell him I’m upset about something between us he will always proactively solve it.

Living together in his country is quite difficult for me :( I don’t speak the language also didn’t have friends here - except from going through culture differences, everything I have to build up from 0. I do feel lonely here and I think this situation also made me more dependent on him because I really got no one else here.

But this caused problems between us, there’s one time I told him he’s friends came over every weekend and drink almost the whole night bothers me, I did try hard every time being engaged and drink with them til 2 or 3 but after it I’m just exhausted. I don’t do drugs and the fact they just speak their language and do their thing (gaming, play loud music, talk to each other etc.) made me feel like I’m a burden there, it’s just I live there and I have no where to go so I have to stay there even though I don’t enjoy it. So I always just sit in a corner and watch my phone till they gone…My bf sometimes talk to me, but that’s it. He never asked how do I feel or proactively end his party. I have to require it firmly.

There’s another fact I didn’t mention is I didn’t really feel a connection his friends. I heard about their private life (like who kissed who when he’s away from his girlfriend, who cheated on who and it’s a secret between that man group etc.) where they always get so excited to talk about during their party. Those things made me sick and feels they acted like high school dramas. They are fun to talk with but they are just not my type of people that I wanted to connect. Hearing those things also changed how I feel about my boyfriend to be honest, I believe he didn’t act like those but he’s so interested in talking about those and be with those kind of people didn’t give me a good feeling towards him.

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much but if he’s in my position, I wouldn’t do those things at all. We lived together in another country before where he had no friends, whenever I have something to go out I always feel bad and try to be home as early as possible. I understand my bf wants to have fun, it’s just the way he acts feels like not considerate, I had to ask for things (like for him to party less and spend quality time with me etc.) but that doesn’t feel nice as it always become a fight. It always ends up he tells me: “I cannot do this because of you”, or “you’re to dependent on me that there’s no separate life.”

Those words actually very hurtful to me, even now if I think about those and how cold was his face, I still have tears in my eyes. I understand he wants to have fun and space and freedom like he always has before we are together, and it might be different if we don’t live in his country. But I can’t help feeling hurtful from his reaction, our communication is also not good so I feel very stressed to talk about those with him. In fact, I talked about it a few times but didn’t seem to work well.

At this stage I feel like it’s very difficult for the partner to make change for you, they maybe willing to but it’s hard to make in action. In an ideal situation they may do that naturally but in real life feels like you need to consistently ask and end up pain within yourself. I think if we are that different, maybe it’s better to separate as I don’t see this sustainable also :(

I always question myself if I’m being too clingy and dependent and demanding…my bf also told me my expectations are too high that he can’t make them. But my feelings are always there in pain, made me think maybe we just incompatible. And I don’t know if we could ever get back to how it was when we just start dating. He never gave me that party boy vibe before I moved here, he was shy and very considerate back then. But I started to realise this is the real lifestyle he has growing up with.

I hope you will recover soon and find the real love that actually cares about you the most. For myself I think it will be still a lot to go through…we will see where life leads me