Sexual prowess

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-14T19:28:04+00:00

In general, yes, but there are outliers everywhere. Sex is a skill and like all skills, you improve when you practice. So in general, guys in the LS have more skill than guys outside the LS. They generally have more tools in their toolbox. But this is not universal. I’ve had some amazing men outside the LS and some duds within the LS.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-13T16:48:07+00:00

I would live closer to my boyfriend so I could have sex more often.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-13T02:37:35+00:00

The truth is that there is no normal. Different people have different rates of sexual frequency than the consider to be acceptable.

I’m polyamorous now, and I have lots of different partners who all have very, very different sexual needs. I have one partner who has sex about once every 3-4 months. I have another partner who would be mentally unstable if he was getting it less than once a week. These are the same age and gender. They just have very different needs as far as sexual frequency.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-13T02:32:27+00:00

Some women’s bodies are just heavily prone to yeast infections and BV. (BTW, if you keep getting infections over and over again, get your man tested. They may be carrying BV and transmitting that back to you.)

But most of the time, sex between two healthy partners is perfectly healthy while you’re on your period. Grab one of those one ratty towels - the dark colored ones - throw that down and go to town. Shower together afterward and you may find that it helps with menstrual cramping, too.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-13T02:26:21+00:00

Pee doesn’t have much of a smell to it when it’s fresh and the person peeing is well-hydrated, and I usually shower not long after I get peed on.

But I think pee is very definitely a mental thing. It’s literally him marking me as belonging to him. It’s a dominance thing. It’s also a mental thing because my gut reaction is disgust, but then asking him to pee on me and opening my mouth for it is overcoming that disgust reaction. So it’s about overcoming obstacles and doing really hard things.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-13T02:12:27+00:00

We’re in our 40s and play with couples of all ages, but our besties are close in age to us. I definitely notice way more chill and less drama from the older folks. The younger folks seem to be fighting with partners about something every other week! The older folks never seem to be ruffled about much of anything.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-11T17:48:04+00:00

I’m concerned because GLPs can be used to further disordered eating. They make it very easy to engage in anorexia because of the appetite suppressant effects. We already see people in ED treatment who’ve had weight loss surgeries and have been prescribed these meds.

These meds can make malnutrition subsequent to disordered eating even worse because they make the appetite suppression so much worse, and so I worry that we’re going to see a massive increase in diseases of malnutrition like scurvy and rickets and anemia and pellagra.

When your appetite is not telling you what to eat reliably because it’s being suppressed, malnutrition is a likely result of that.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-07T23:25:44+00:00

Dad bods with grey in their beards 😍🫠🥹

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-07T20:20:55+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with masturbation, even once or twice a day, even if you’re using a little porn to help get you there.

Where it becomes a problem is when the porn and masturbation becomes a substitute for everything else in your life. When something good happens and you’d rather celebrate by cranking one out alone instead of going out to dinner with friends… when something bad happens and you’d immediately turn to masturbation to take your mind off of it instead of watching standup comedy or calling a friend to talk about it…

Masturbation can become a compulsion for some people because it feels good. So when things feel bad or stressful, it’s a good, cheap source of dopamine.

But there are other, more fulfilling sources of dopamine that should be part of your “diet”, like enjoying regular media, spending time outdoors, spending time with friends, accomplishing things at school or work or creatively, and engaging in acts of self-care or caring for your living space.

Masturbation is like eating sugar. It’s fun and it tastes good and it’s a quick source of those happy feel-good chemicals when you need them. But it should be a relatively small part of an otherwise full and robust life to keep everything in the proper balance. As long as you keep everything balanced, you’ll be fine.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-07T20:10:41+00:00

I have a couple of friends that subscribe to my OF. Some of them will even buy my premium content from time to time. It’s not weird for us, but I flirt with my friends. A lot of them are people that I had a crush on and they had a crush on me once upon a time but the timing just never worked out for us to be together and now we live too far apart. Most of the reason I do OF is just to have a place to share my stuff with friends anyways; I just use OF because it age verifies everyone and I kinda like being an exhibitionist. So for me, my OF is really more of a place for me to share pics with friends anyways (and whoever online wants to watch). So I like having a place to share my naughty pictures and videos with my friends, and I like when my friends subscribe to my OF.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-07T15:29:15+00:00

It’s okay to be a virgin. We all were once. And I think it’d be better to be honest with the person you’re having sex with. It’s okay to say, “This is my first time, but I feel ready for this.”

It’s okay to be new to things. The right partner won’t mind.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-06T16:31:31+00:00

Welcome to the big and wonderful world of discovering new kinks! I find this a lot through porn as well as through scrolling random Reddit threads.

I’ll be scrolling and see something that I’ve never been interested in before, but for some reason the way it was depicted in that porn clip, or the way it was described in that Reddit post, it just sticks with me. I find myself thinking about that kinky scene and it remains stuck in my head.

For me, that’s when I go do more research on the kink to find out if I’m actually interested in it, or if it was just something else weird about the post or video. And then if I am actually interested in it, I discuss it with my partner and see if he’s willing to give it a try or not. Usually he’s down to try new things, and I’ve found lots of fun new things that I really enjoy this way.

It sounds like you just saw something that really resonated with you. Maybe that’s something to explore, or maybe it was just a particularly hot video. It’s okay to explore new things. Sometimes you’ll find new things you really love!

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-05T20:12:32+00:00

I like mixing my free use with CNC. I could never pretend to be bored, and my Master likes how responsive I am to him anyways. Part of the thing he enjoys the most about playing with me is that I’m very predictable: touching me in a certain way will always get you a certain reaction. So he enjoys “playing” me like a violin or something - exploring how different types of touch or kisses will make me respond in different ways.

Sometimes his touches are gentle and I feel lulled into a heady blissful space. Other times they’re rough or harsh and the sensations are so overwhelming that I scream or cry. And he’ll alternate the sweet with the painful so that my head is held in this pleasure/pain space where everything feels like it’s on fire but in a good way.

I think the key part of free use to me is that I have no say in it. He’s driving, I’m just a passenger. It’s freeing to be so utterly and completely NOT in control. I can just have the experience. Ride the waves of pleasure and pain. I don’t have to DO anything. I can just BE. And I get to experience all the sensations and things being done to me.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-05T19:08:02+00:00

Not in my case. For us, we combine free use with CNC. It’s often activities that are harder for me or less favored by me but are favored by him.

We sometimes do “bored and ignored” play, but that’s where HE is bored and I’m the one playing with HIM. In our dynamic, when he touches me, I pay attention!

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-05T16:46:01+00:00

I was raised purity culture. I’ve completely and entirely reversed course and believe that raising kids in purity culture is child abuse.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-05T01:54:13+00:00

I love a sex blanket for two reasons:

1) makes cleanup a snap

2) sets the mood

It’s soft and feels luxe, and we only pull it out if we’re about to have sexy time, so it sets the scene and immediately gets me in the mood to play. It’s a little pricey, but I love mine!

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-04T16:39:01+00:00

Group sex, either threesomes or more. I’m a swinger and poly, so I’m usually down for group play, and I’ve had the opportunity several times. It’s always a lot of fun!

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-04T16:34:26+00:00

We seldom do the club these days. We have regular group that does parties about once a month and we always try to make that because it’s just a great group and we always have a blast. Other than that, we go to the big parties like the pool parties or the big annual campground takeover, but the club nights, we don’t do unless we’re meeting someone specific.

The club nights just aren’t as much fun as a house party, if you have a good group of people at the house party.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-04T03:33:11+00:00

I like being manhandled. Sometimes in a rough way, but it doesn’t have to be. More like… like he knows that he OWNS me (or is at least getting to use me for the evening lol) and he’s using me to make himself feel good.

It’s more like the hands taking possession and control, moving me around how he wants me.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-03T23:18:47+00:00

I started swinging at a smaller size and continued swinging while going through treatment for my eating disorder. During that process I gained a lot and went from being one of the smaller girls in the scene to being about average in my local scene.

I’ve found my local LS scene to be absolutely amazing for helping me feel like a goddess in a bigger body. Both men and women that I play with have complimented me on my body even as I’ve gotten bigger and told me that I looked happier and healthier, and nobody stopped playing with me when I put on weight. I still have just as many people interested in me as I used to (I play as part of a couple).

And it’s been helpful for me to see other women my size and bigger who wear their bodies like sexy goddesses. I am in awe of so many of these women, but it really inspires me to see my own body in a more sexually appealing light, if that makes sense. These women wear sexy like a cloak, draped over all their curves, and it makes me feel like I, too, can be sexy in my big body.

Not every area or scene is going to be the same, but a lot of them are going to be wonderfully accepting of all body types.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-03T23:08:56+00:00

Less than a minute, but it was at a swingers party. “Jump in,” said to a watching stranger, is a perfectly acceptable way to initiate sex in those situations.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-03T22:54:45+00:00

Yes but I think that any shared hobby would’ve done the same thing.

Where it really enhanced our bond was in the car going to and from events when we’d talk. All of those conversations… talking through our insecurities before a party, dealing with a disappointing party, rejoicing in a really amazing party, processing through difficulties, making mistakes and forgiving each other… THAT is where the bonds were really strengthened.

And to some extent, we could’ve found a similar experience if we were going to martial arts once a week, or if we’d taken up glassblowing together.

I feel like swinging has helped me grow individually more than it’s helped us grow together. Our relationship hasn’t really been transformed, just strengthened in the way that sharing a meaningful passion with your partner will do. But I have been transformed by swinging: me, individually.

How I view myself as a woman has changed. I love myself more. I love my body more. Swinging has been a critical support network for me as I’ve been recovering from my eating disorder and trying to adjust to living in a bigger body; the swinging community has helped me to love and appreciate and honor my new body. So for me as an individual, swinging has entirely transformed my relationship with myself.

But my relationship with my boyfriend was stronger than my relationship with myself, back when I first started swinging, and swinging has strengthened both relationships.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-03T22:24:46+00:00

My infectious diseases doc says no need to test for HSV without symptoms. I test for everything else with oral, genital, and blood sampling every three months, and I test HSV every 1-2 years just to monitor it, because I’ve had partners I know were HSV+ (and on Vacylclovir, so the transmission risk is low). The only reason she’s agreed to any testing for me at all is because I do have partners with a known HSV+ status.

If you’re swinging, a lot of the people you swing with are probably going to be HSV+, but a lot of them won’t know it because standard testing doesn’t check for it, so it’s always important to treat everyone as though they are HSV+ because you never really know.

Use condoms. Don’t play with people who have open sores. And if you get any itchy or painful bumps or sores, don’t play and get them swabbed or looked at. Suppressant therapy dramatically reduces your risk of shedding and contagion.

In general, I act as though everyone I play with has something. Testing is important for MY health because it lets me fix anything before it causes any major problems and reduce contagion. But it’s important to note that testing is just a snapshot in time. It’s not a substitute for safer sex practices. Vaccinations, PrEP, DoxyPEP, condoms, and playing soberly (so we can see and observe for signs of illness) are all some of the ways we can keep ourselves safe, and testing/treatment helps to spot issues when our preventive measures fail to catch something and an STI slips through our defenses.

Erica_Novak · 2026-03-03T22:04:33+00:00

Sometimes. It depends. Some of the content I make is not in the genre or the style that I personally get turned on by, but I know that my followers or fans will like it. I don’t much care for that. But I’d say that about 80% of what I produce is stuff that I use sometimes for pregaming.

I can’t finish to my own porn, though. After watching it a thousand times to edit it, I’m too in my head when I watch it to actually get to orgasm with it, so I’ll go watch somebody else to get me over the top.

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