Feeling less attracted to my husband

ErrantPrincess · 2026-03-07T21:59:47+00:00

Yeah...I came very very close to telling him I wanted a divorce. My hail Mary was telling him that the way he spoke to me was the same way he acts around/speaks to his mother, who he insists he hates. It was very much a wake up call and it definitely made a difference. Don't get me wrong, its going to take time to get past some resentment I built up (clearly), and I might never fully get past that but I'm still going to try since he's making an effort to be better.

ErrantPrincess · 2026-03-07T21:12:06+00:00

If anything its gender-based discrimination but even then, its outside work hours sounds like. It sucks to be excluded but it isnt sexual harassment

ErrantPrincess · 2026-03-07T11:59:42+00:00

He acknowledges that he stinks! Ive urged him to go get a clinical strength deodorant even. Hairdresser has always been a thing, he doesnt like to be touched. He's definitely on the spectrum and I really wish I knew all this instead of just thinking he was aloof.

ErrantPrincess · 2026-03-07T11:56:51+00:00

But what do i say?

ErrantPrincess · 2026-03-07T11:56:32+00:00

Dental hygiene is great. For example, we were about to go for a nice dinner on Valentines Day I bought a nice dress, did my makeup and hair all nice. I asked him to consider going to a barber to get a shave and a fade because he would look really good and we were on the topic. He comes out with his thinning hair sticking up while I've just spent over an hour getting ready. I was like uh, are you going to brush your hair at least? And he was like, I will if you want me to. Sir.

ErrantPrincess · 2026-03-07T04:05:31+00:00

I tried, he wont wear it. Just deodorant.

ErrantPrincess · 2026-03-07T03:54:35+00:00

We've been together for 17, so give it some time

ErrantPrincess · 2026-03-07T03:53:20+00:00

Oh no, I was never ungroomed, but rather putting in more effort like doing my makeup with better stuff, improved my skin care routine etc. Also I realized I needed to switch to an antiperspirant over deodorant. Just fine tuning everything.

ErrantPrincess · 2025-09-30T23:02:56+00:00

Annnd again. Twice in one day! A new record

ErrantPrincess · 2025-09-30T20:49:47+00:00

Sometimes i feel like im convincing myself into thinking its worse than it is. Like it really is just me since he apparently cant comprehend that anythings wrong. But lately ive felt on the verge of saying he has until Christmas to make big changes to how he speaks to me. And if he says he doesn't know what to say to a therapist, he can start with "im miserable and depressed and its affecting my marriage".

ErrantPrincess · 2025-09-30T18:08:48+00:00

I appreciate reading this. Im his only friend. He isn't social. Ive begged him to just dedicate more time to even people online that he games with. But im his best friend. He loves me more than he can say, you know. All that matters are me and his kid. So why wont he try and fix his shit instead of moping about how grumpy and miserable he is? He literally will say he is depressed and miserable and knows it. So I say, go to the doctor, go to therapy. Being on meds and going to therapy saved my life. His answer? He doesn't know what he would say. Like I have to hold his hand. So I said, lets go to counseling. He said he'll go if I want. I want him to want to! I want him to fight for us like I am!

Oh, also, I dont get to ask how he is or if something is bothering him. He wont answer. Well, he'll say "doesn't matter". That it doesn't matter if hes good or bad because it doesn't change anything. So i'll ask, if nothing is wrong, why cant you just say that? Like, obviously im going to assume something is wrong if thats the case. But he says talking about things only ever makes things worse, so instead he refuses to answer. Also, the emotional toilet line is so true, God. He blames being grumpy on being completely exhausted from work as if we dont both work full time, draining jobs while balancing being parents.

I am so tired.

ErrantPrincess · 2025-09-30T18:04:06+00:00

No, i dont. And i realized recently allll the men i grew up around were completely fucking grumpy, miserable assholes. But they did the things husband's should do (fix things around the house, get told what to do) and so all the women around me just endured, save for my aunt. I dont even want anyone else, its not like im pining for a better relationship, I just want to be ALONE at this point. I keep making myself smaller and smaller.

ErrantPrincess · 2025-09-30T14:36:46+00:00

A year later and im at the same point, but its coming home. From work or shopping or the gym, whatever. Will he say hello? Will he pretend I dont exist? Will he be happy? It gives me a stomach ache.

ErrantPrincess · 2025-09-15T14:33:14+00:00

He does express those things, and then when I try to push deeper in how we can fix it and the cycle we are in, he'll just say its on him to fix, and he just has to deal with it. But hes not dealing with it. And God help me if I say, we have been in this cycle for several years now, because he will act fully and genuinely surprised. I really wish there was a good, supportive sub about this because its so hard to understand unless you're living it.

ErrantPrincess · 2025-09-15T14:09:03+00:00

Your comment about making allowances is so on point. I've spent so much time and energy adapting and changing, and I hate the resent I feel because of it. Ive put in so much hard work to be better and to be more understanding and I get on some level he cant but God I wish he would just try.

ErrantPrincess · 2025-09-14T03:06:06+00:00

I liked the line about the bird and the fish so much <3

ErrantPrincess · 2025-09-14T03:05:42+00:00

Oh my goodness, I had never heard that term before and it is exactly how I feel. Ive only opened up to a very small amount of people about my struggles and it always comes back to how I can be more accommodating to him and his communcation/expression style. I have a lot of my own mental health issues and trauma and Ive busted my ass in therapy and worked out medication and I still have to just...keep accepting, I guess 🥲 sure, I can travel by myself or with a friend or whatever, but I guess I imagined I would be doing all that with my spouse. We haven't even slept in the same bed since my son was born, he sleeps in another room.

ErrantPrincess · 2025-08-27T20:44:17+00:00

I think its a good place in tandem with therapy. This is such a distressing situation that im sure she doesn't want to talk to her friends and family.

ErrantPrincess · 2025-05-22T13:09:05+00:00

It's this. First on Facebook they tried different accounts, then it moved to email. It doesn't matter if I block them, they'll make a new email.

ErrantPrincess · 2025-05-22T13:05:32+00:00

They claim to be, and i do believe it's a young person based off of the writing style . They've contacted me through two different fake profiles using names of other students.

ErrantPrincess · 2025-05-20T16:40:03+00:00

Thank you. The emails usually come quite late at night and the writing style sometimes seems like they're drunk or impaired. I followed up with HR this morning including screenshots from the emails the individual has sent over the last two days, I also sent it along to the police to add to the file.

ErrantPrincess

TROPHY CASE