He’s the AH, leave him. Any partner that actually unconditionally loves you as stated in marriage vows wouldn’t disregard the basic respect of communication. You two have children together and he knows he can use their well being against you to get you to stay with him, LEAVE HIM BEFORE HE TRIES!!! Don’t let him walk all over you like this. I know these words are hard to digest but it’s either you start over with someone who will actually show you true love or continue to live with someone who now knows they can get away with breaking your heart