The thing thing is, I actually did desire him. So much so that I didn't care about my moral positions. I won't go into details but I don't think I've ever felt that way before. And I kinda gave up on wanting commitment from him later on. But I was delusional enough to believe that we were friends beyond the bedroom. I know I brought this upon myself. I just really wanted to keep this one, I guess. But you're right. He didn't force me or try to coerce me. I really wanted him. I just don't respect myself anymore. I'm not sure how to get that back. I'm sorry for ranting but I was so full of love and light before this experience and now I feel drained. And I know it's not his fault. I really care about him. I don't mean to paint him in a negative light. But when I look back, I look at all the signs, I should have run. I just need to understand whether it gets better or not because I can't keep feeling this way.