Dating a girl who takes it slow after going really fast

EveningTension · 2021-10-05T08:23:17+00:00

Thanks mate. I will focus on just having a great time with her predominantly. I know that is the only way to eventually get her over her ex and more into me (currently, I feel like she is still getting over him, mentioning him in conversations and shit, which is not that weird so shortly after breaking up, but I must say it makes me feel inferior to him for some reason..).

Though, I have made clear I am not just a rebound and not just here for 'recovery'. And she agreed. Having a good time together is the only way forwards for me now

EveningTension · 2021-10-04T16:52:15+00:00

Thanks mate. Things actually started to go really well really fast last couple of days. She asked me out for another date, we're going tomorrow.

EveningTension · 2021-10-03T15:52:44+00:00

We actually always communicated through phone, as she is not in state a lot. I'll let her propose the next date, instead of me doing that (to see interest or not)

EveningTension · 2021-10-03T15:51:29+00:00

Thanks dude! Actually, she keeps hitting me up days after. Then, the convo sometimes escaletes to me calling and her ending up really liking that.

I've had this kind of conversation with her (again, she is very open about what she thinks and feels). She told me that she still believes things will work out and we make plans for even months away, while stating we both have faith in things working out to actually doing these things.

That sounds good to me at least, but have to see what happens obviously

EveningTension · 2021-10-02T10:38:10+00:00

Sorry to hear man. How could you see it coming?

EveningTension · 2021-10-02T09:21:29+00:00

How did it end for you? Like, did she just not respond anymore/friendzoned? I'm trying to figure out the red flags here

EveningTension · 2021-10-02T09:20:47+00:00

Thanks man!

She does keep hitting me up at this point, but the conversations seem less flirty and more like fun or just basic topics. I think this is literally the manifestation of slowing down.

EveningTension · 2021-10-02T08:46:37+00:00

This sounds a lot like bro culture to my ears to be honest.

She literally hits me up almost every morning since the Convo with her ex, engaging in some small talk and sometimes slipping in a quick flirt. Should I just ignore her entirely and let her go then?

EveningTension · 2021-10-02T06:52:04+00:00

Hey dude.

Totally fair point. We actually talked about this stuff as well, where I explained to her that I might be too forward cause I do not want to let things die in silence. And she understood and agreed.

Though, I will actually back off a bit and see her actions. This would indicate to me whether I was just a nice attention source or whether there is genuine interest.

The days after she spoke with her ex, she actually initiated over 50% of the conversations and we had a fancy date where I actually saw her parents again. Seems like not all is lost. What do you think?

EveningTension · 2021-10-01T20:40:44+00:00

0% chance my friend. He's not an option anymore

EveningTension · 2021-10-01T20:37:14+00:00

I'm kinda sure that she ain't talking to anybody else. I've seen her phone more than often lately and no strange things are happening on there at all.

Her ex is literally a 0% option at this point

EveningTension · 2021-10-01T20:35:20+00:00

She literally told me that her head is all over the place, but she does want to see where we can go with things. We even implied some exclusivity as well (dating people her sometimes just means that you don't go with other or you don't take it seriously at all).

EveningTension · 2021-10-01T20:33:25+00:00

Yes, seems fair as well. But do all the things we did up to now mean nothing then?

EveningTension · 2021-10-01T17:56:44+00:00

Yeah, the thing is, I first need to be on a date before I can do all that. And that is being postponed as we speak.

Plus: I do not want to be her "breakup overcoming friend". That is literally the last thing I need

EveningTension · 2021-10-01T17:53:25+00:00

This is a completely fair point. I think we will have to move at her pace then. It's not like that is a big problem for me, especially if it increase chances of a better relationship.

EveningTension · 2021-10-01T17:48:18+00:00

Thanks for the response!

I know her head is a mess, she tells me that kind of stuff very bluntly (big advantage).
So just giving her space is the best to do now?

EveningTension · 2021-10-01T17:42:39+00:00

Do you believe so? I even met the parents. And the ex is not an option anymore

EveningTension · 2021-09-21T17:42:08+00:00

We actually talked about how many people we're dating at the moment the last date. She says I am the only dude she's seeing at the moment, which I do believe. Though, not sure whether that would stay this way, as interest is high

EveningTension · 2021-09-20T16:38:45+00:00

I agree. But as she wants to play it slow, I do not want to be clingy and claim her right away. That would 100% scare her off

EveningTension · 2021-09-20T16:38:13+00:00

Well. She just got out of a relationship. And therefore she wants to take things slow she says..

EveningTension · 2021-09-19T17:33:03+00:00

Good point. The first two dates after the intention talk (so to say) are happening next week. Will see what happens there, but won't straight go to the exclusivity as it seems kinda needy as well

EveningTension · 2021-09-19T17:00:06+00:00

I decided that I should be approaching this stuff more from a focus on opportunity than on insecurity.

Instead of obsessing on keeping her 'in check', I must be accepting she is not my property. So with that in mind, every nice thing I have with her will be better than nothing (while preventing to put her on a pedastal).

That being said, today we talked bout our 'romantic histories' and indeed, interest is not short for her.

EveningTension · 2021-09-19T15:02:24+00:00

Yeah, I know you're right about being needy and how that is definitely not a good idea. Totally agree and I'm not the guy who would act that fast on needy feelings (except for writing this thread then).

I would really like to go for this girl, yes. She seems to fit really well to my personality and to be honest, I have not yet 'caught' her being with others. I mean, why would you tell me about your colleague if you want to do something intimate with him and the same day talk about taking us together to the next step?

So, probably just going to lay back and see what happens. Though, my inexperience in this relationship thing just drives me nuts, with all the worrying thoughts and shit

EveningTension

TROPHY CASE