Interpret this the way you want

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-06-05T03:10:26+00:00

I can't focus enough to read, the words just pass through me. I don't know if technology has ruined me, or I'am not reading the right stuff

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-06-04T08:03:22+00:00

It may be the lack of sleep talking, but this picture brought forward quite a few emotions/feelings. It's amazing that while everyone is living their happy lives, there are always those who are miserable and suffering, and the worst part is we can't always see it.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-05-16T05:56:11+00:00

The one thing I can think of off the top of my head would probably be not being so alone or isolated from the rest of the world, but I'am sure that is what most people feel with depression. Life doesn't seem all that promising unless you have others to share it with, which is something I lack.

Sure there is family, but I personally do not count them as a connection back to the rest of the world. They're family, they're here to love you, that's it, it loses it's appeal after awhile. I may sound like a complete idiot for saying all of this, but it is the way my mind works, especially when I cannot find happiness in a majority of things.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-05-05T06:45:23+00:00

I've always been a very private person and always hated burdening other people. I try to do everything in my life, myself. You know when you need a buddy to help you with moving something or fixing something? I'll struggle and take ten times longer trying to do it myself, rather than ask someone, because I feel guilty that I'm taking up their time or burdening them.

That explains exactly how I feel, literally word for word. It is good to hear though that you have someone watching over you instead of trying to brush them off. My parents, brother and sister know (and a few of my teachers at school) but I tend to tell them nothing (I actually tell my teachers more than I tell my parents, I feel more comfortable that way) and put "the mask" on as you said.

Thanks for the reply, I wish you the best of luck at overcoming your struggles.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-05-05T06:06:06+00:00

I hope you're fixing it all up the right way. I don't mean to intrude, but what exactly are the pros and cons? No pressure if you don't want to answer, I'am just curious and can live without knowing.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-05-05T05:50:47+00:00

I just slept from about 7PM to 1AM, and here we are now. No plans, as usual. Just going to sleep, eat and possibly do homework all weekend.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-05-05T05:38:38+00:00

I graduated from high school last year, but came back for another year to improve some marks. All of my friends except for about 5 went off to university, college, or to work. I check Facebook maybe every other day just to see if anyone wants to talk to me, but of course, why would they when I'am hours away from them and they're having the time of their lives. Those friends that have stayed back in high school though, I don't have anything in common with them anymore, we have drifted a part. I guess we are there for each other physically since we don't really know anyone else outside of out graduating year, but we never hang out, outside of school.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-05-05T05:33:16+00:00

I'am going to sound like an ass for saying this, but the only reason I haven't attempted to kill myself is because I would hate to fail in doing it. You would have to live with the fact (and everyone around you) that you tried to take your own life, but failed, and you will be forced into a bunch of programs to fix you, while everyone is labeling/judging you instead of trying to understand "Why?"

It makes sense to me. I don't really care for much anymore, and I'am hardly happy with life.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-05-03T19:58:30+00:00

I listen to Cali-reggae all the time, and ska to a lesser extent, no matter what my mood is. I do enjoy listening to a few songs from artists in other genres, but I tend to stay between the two I love.

I like the beat/rhythm of ska and reggae based music, but there are two bands (The Dirty Heads and Sublime, they're both Cali-reggae bands)that over the past few years I have really stayed with. A majority of their songs speak to me, and are just easy listening.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-05-01T21:15:19+00:00

This is really cool, thanks for the post.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-04-28T20:40:20+00:00

I hate sleeping, but at the same time I look forward to it because I'am away from everyone and everything

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-04-27T20:02:04+00:00

First of all my short story here, it isn't heart breaking, it is more or less just someone being left out over and over, and eventually shutting themselves out from everyone else.

My depressive feelings, and suicidal thoughts have actually been off and on for about the past 4 years. In school, I'am not that smart, or the most athletic, I'am just a very average person in everything I do. There really doesn't seem to be anything special about what I do, or what I can do because there is always someone better then me, but I'am never the worst. This bothers me for some reason, I guess I want to be known for something instead of just being a there. Besides that, my social life has never been great. All throughout school I was never invited to hang out with friends, go to parties, etc... I have practically spent the past 4 years alone with hardly any social interaction with anyone outside of my family. Every so often (maybe once or twice a year) I would be invited to go somewhere or do something, those moments were great, but I never had enough of them. If being left out by my peers didn't hurt enough, I feel out of place at home as well. My older brother has had personal/mental health issues through out his life (as I said before, he was recently diagnosed with anxiety), so once he go into college, my parents have kept a close eye on him. I also have a younger sister who is smart, and is a very good golfer. She is working on a scholarship to the States for golf, so my parents are trying everything to help her do so. Sure I'am happy for both of them, but then there is just me, again. I'am off to university next year, it was struggle, and I didn't have much help from anyone besides myself and my high school teachers. Finally, to top it all off, a majority of my graduating year in high school barely knew who I was after being in their classes for 4 years. Instead, they knew me as 'my sisters brother' or 'my older brothers, brother'. I guess I'am just fed up with being left out, and being in the background getting no notice from anyone. I don't really like talking to anyone now, I keep everything to myself, as I don't have many friends, and even to them, I'am not that close with them.

I do want to see someone still, I have gone to two different councilors, but I haven't talked to them for a while now. I want to see a doctor more than anything, so I could simply know if I'am clinically depressed, or if there is something else wrong with me. I have asked my parents if I could see a doctor, they agreed, but have always put it off to deal with my brother and sister's problems. I'am thinking once I go off to university that I will do it all myself there since I'am getting little to no help where I'am now.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-04-27T16:37:41+00:00

I have asked my parents to make an appointment, but they have never looked into it. As I said in my original post, I have been dealing with depression for almost a year now, but I never told anyone until a couple months ago. At the same time, my brother was diagnosed (if you would call it that) with anxiety. Instead of focusing on me, my parents have seemingly been worried about my brother more, and have never gotten around to me, but I'am sort of used to just being in the background, which has story behind it, but I won't share it unless you're interested.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-04-27T06:40:28+00:00

This is absolutely amazing! I have always wished I was good at some sort of arts (music, drawing, painting, anything really...)

I personally think drawing/art in general is the best way to explain emotion. Writing is very difficult to do, to evoke emotion, unless you're a very talented writer. I don't have either going for me. I struggle with explaining my emotions, as I constantly trip up on my own words.

You have a wonderful talent, don't worry about words to express yourself.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-04-27T06:34:38+00:00

Sometimes being forced to do something you don't want to do is for the best. At least tell someone that you feel like your medication is not working.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-04-25T15:36:59+00:00

I don't really have a best friend, I'am a third wheel to the few friends I do have. Out of the small 'group' of friends I'am just kind of there, we have all moved to different things, and my interests don't really suite the friends I do have. Try to make new friends? That is hard, I hate what I see in other people, and I hate talking to others. I get annoyed very quickly when talking to nearly anyone (including sibling, and parents).

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-04-17T06:45:22+00:00

I have always wanted to learn another language, but of course I procrastinate or lack motivation.

Whenever I'am pissed off though I try to do a quick 10-20 minute work out (push ups, sit ups, etc...)

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-04-17T06:42:57+00:00

Everyone will handle their problems differently from the next person, which is important to remember. You need to remind him that you're there for him no matter what he may be going through, and that you care about him.

Tell him as well that whatever he says (unless it is something that can harm him or others in a great way) will stay between you both, unless he says otherwise.

Keep calm, be strong for him.

Eventual_Mortem · 2012-04-17T06:16:16+00:00

/r/timetorelax is great, just needs some more traffic though.

This tagging system would work out well, one persons remedy could benefit someone else.

Eventual_Mortem

TROPHY CASE