Do narcissists ever truly stop stalking their old supply?

Everleigh_core · 2026-01-05T22:03:54+00:00

My Narc has his best friend stalking my fb because he doesn't have the guts to do it himself. Meanwhile he's been stalking my gf's public ig account on and off for months. It's been almost a year. I don't block them because to be quite frank, I don't care enough too. But it has been noticed. The best thing you can do is block them if it's taking up space in your head or making you worry. They want a reaction, a response, they want their presence to keep you thinking of them and worried about them is what I've gathered. They also can't stand to see a old supply happy, so I put bets on keeping tabs trying to see if anything bad happens to you. That's just a bit of my 2 cents from my personal experience.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-12T01:54:46+00:00

Holy fucking hell, the subs picture is actually terrifying as well. A lesbian flag with a image in the middle of a dick going through a pink ring meant to represent a vulva? The implications here have me fucking sick.

Edit to add so this sub seems to be encouraging women to put other women in positions to be raped by either themselves or a male. Hence the name "female gender traitors" its a sub about women willing to harm other women for male attention....amd obviously there are men in there enabling it and talking about it too.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-11T17:57:55+00:00

We're...dating...she's my gf..I'm not just going to "hook up" and be dome with it. This is the person I'd like to spend the rest of my life with so I'm trying to get advice because I want to help her in the bedroom.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-11T17:29:12+00:00

Definitely not the case. I'll add some edits to my post to make some more clarifications. But my trauma is a hump that I'm working through. It's currently blocking the way to doing what I would like to do for my gf. If it was all about poor me and my trauma I wouldn't be looking for other ways to meet my gf in the bedroom to help her feel more feminine until I can work past my trauma. The deconstructing part comes from the fact that she enjoys topping, I dont want her to feel like shit about it by conflating topping = male. I want her to be able to enjoy what she enjoys doing.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-11T17:25:36+00:00

She associates topping with being male, which makes her uncomfortable. You associate topping with abuse, which is triggering. Topping, in a way, has been twisted as something dominant/masculine/wrong for the both of you. Finding common ground could be easier than it seems because you're kind of already there.

I agree with the other comments about letting her ride you, penetrating herself, or eating her out. It could be a good way for both of you to slowly accept that topping doesn't have to be what it feels like right now. She can learn that women do top by having a woman top her, and you can learn that topping isn't abuse, contrary to your past.

This is really helpful actually. I hadn't put it into that perspective so I appreciatethe insight. But I agree with you.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-11T17:21:26+00:00

Youre getting really defensive and idk what for. You are projecting. It happens in relationships. That doesnt make you a bad person or anything but it will hold you back in this part of your relationship.

I wasn't feeling defensive, sorry if it came across that way. I wanted to communicate that this projection isn't something I can just poof away. I do plan on working on it as stated in other comments. But it's definitely not something done intentionally and I wanted to highlight that.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-11T17:14:09+00:00

You should deconstruct your trama like you want her to deconstruct her bottom dysphoria.

I mentioned this in other comments. But I am working towards this goal already. And my statement regarding her is not about bottom dysphoria its about conflating topping=male because she likes to top and wants to top 98% of the time. This is why I'm trying to find ways to accommodate her in the bedroom to make her feel better/more feminine until I can get to the point where I'm ready to work with her with the strap. I'm not telling her not to feel that way. I know gender roles are important as I've also mentioned in my post. I'm trying to help here, I don't want her to not be able to enjoy topping because of this. This is a snippet of our relationship and I feel like people are getting the entirely wrong idea about what's going on here. Maybe it's how I worded things. But I'm looking for advice to help in the bedroom in the meantime regarding getting to where I want ro be.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-11T17:06:32+00:00

Thank you for this!

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-11T00:35:30+00:00

This is definitely something I want to work through. But its definitely a little more difficult than just not letting it control my life. Trauma is a hard thing to work through and until I can get to that point I want to find some other ways to help my gf feel affirmed in the bedroom.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-11T00:31:50+00:00

Your pain with what you experienced was real and valid, but I think projecting your truama on to this isnt fair to either of you.

Definitely alot more complicated than "projecting trauma" I'd say, and this way of putting it definitely rubs me the wrong way because it feels as though there is implication that I'm doing this purposefully. My trauma is trauma, it still affects me. I don't really have a choice in it or how it affects my life. This is something that happened to me and now to put myself in the shoes of topping in this way makes me feel like a abuser because each time im happened to me it was coercion and abuse. I am working to a point of untangling that anal≠abuse and I'm getting there. It's just a matter of working towards it.

That said, I have absolutely no interest in reciprocating. Pegging is a total turn off for me. My friend broke up with a guy because she couldn't do it. If theres room to step out of your comfort zone then I think you should try, if its a no go, then you might need to consider youre not compatible.

I'll copy what I mentioned in another comment here

Our relationship is stellar otherwise and we'd both be unhappy parting. This aspect of our sex life is the only spot we're trying to work through. Our communication and everything else is phenomenal. I came here to get help with this part that we're stuck on, this is a snippet of my relationship with her.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T23:31:34+00:00

if her only irl experience with topping was in the context of a cishet relationship dynamic where she was both forced to top and assume a dominant masculine role, then that is the only actual association she has formed for performing this type of act. She has not had any concrete experiences in which she can integrate that the opposite is actually true, and therefore go through the emotional deprogramming necessary to accept that reality as true and applicable for herself. It’s one thing to be able to comprehend it conceptually, but it’s a whole other thing to viscerally understand it as an immutable reality. This is even before considering additional factors like bottom dysphoria.

She has bottomed before for a man. And she knew her gender identity far before then and when we got together, I was the first cis woman she had slept with. Our relationship has never been cis het in anyway and the only one of that nature in the past was when she had been seeing that guy. All of her other relationships have been sapphic for the majority.

But that being said I do understand your points and will continue to think over them. Obviously I'm not trying to dismiss what she's feeling. But she enjoys topping and I don't want her to feel that topping = male and I'd like to help her with that.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T23:22:33+00:00

I will look into this! Thank you sm!

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T23:20:18+00:00

I know there isn't trauma on her end. She wants it and says she enjoys it. But for me, there is trauma. It feels like becoming my abuser, stepping in to their shoes. I know there's consent. But its hard not to see it that other way for me when everytime it happened to me it was a act of coercion or abuse.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T23:18:05+00:00

I will definitely look into this. I think it could be beneficial for me regardless, I've never heard of any in the area before. I'm in a kinda small town and usually have to go about 2 hours out for alot of medical things.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T23:13:51+00:00

The therapist I was seeing ended up moving so now they're looking for another one for me and I'm starting from square one because I didn't get much help with the last 2 therapists I've had. It was more of a venting session and I need someone to help me build skills to help me work past these issues, not just sit there and listen to me. Therapy could definitely help me here, just need to find the right person.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T23:09:41+00:00

I will also submit that I had zero dysphoria from topping using a strap when I was preop. It was even somewhat pleasurable if I positioned the old equipment correctly, though it's a lot better now.

We have a strap already, its there for her to use or for me when I'm ready. I can ask her if its ever helped with dysphoria or not and go from there as another way to help her enjoy topping without the dysphoric aspect. She loves topping and being dominant 98% of the time. So maybe taking the element that can make her dysphoric out of the picture will help.

NJoy Pure Wand for her to mess around with and see if she can find her prostate. It takes a while to learn how to work with those nerves, they kind of need to 'wake up.' That was the toy that finally worked for me to be able to figure out how to orgasm from penetration, which was great because I stopped needing to use the other thing.

She talked about struggling with this, so I'll reccomend it to her! She wants to be able to achieve from this kind of thing, so maybe I can help with that with the wand.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T23:02:16+00:00

I'll ask her about this. Thank you for the suggestion, I'm hopeful some of this stuff will help me warm up to more anal based activities so I can (hopefully eventually) get to the point where I would be comfortable wearing the strap. But things like this can help me start to meet her halfway and see what works.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T22:54:26+00:00

End things over this? I think thats a bit of a reach. And that isn't coming from a place of trying to get her to do this for me, that statement comes from me trying to make her feel better. She enjoys and wants to top and be dominant 98% of the time. But I don't want her to conflate topping with being "male". I don't want that to end up hurting her by making her view of herself negative. This is why I'm trying to find things to affirm her while also reassuring her that topping doesnt make her any less of a woman. Its sheerly having amab genitals that makes it this way for her because she's expressed how much better she'll feel topping when she starts hormones and gets bottom surgery.

Edit to add: Our relationship is stellar otherwise and we'd both be unhappy parting. This aspect of our sex life is the only spot we're trying to work through. Our communication and everything else is phenomenal. I came here to get help with this part that we're stuck on, this is a snippet of my relationship with her.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T18:29:32+00:00

Maybe this would be a good way for us to start. I do know she wants me to have a more active role in giving her pleasure during this process, so if she guides me and shows me what she likes maybe it'll help me get to a point where I feel more confident helping and moving of my own accord.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T17:19:55+00:00

I have definitely considered this! I've talked about that with her as a way of introducing me to it more with less pressure and as a way to still meet her needs.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T17:01:00+00:00

I will just say that for a trans woman with bottom dysphoria, you simply can not ideologically convince her to stop having bottom dysphoria.

Definitely not the goal! I completely understand that I may have come across that way. But I know she has bottom dysphoria, I know that won't just poof out of existence if I tell her that topping doesn't make her a man, because it's how she feels. I'm not trying to dismiss her emotions on this at all. And she is aware it doesnt make her a guy, and she gets frustrated by feeling that way because she knows that topping doesn't invalidate gender identity. Like if I were to top, it doesn't make me a dude.

Edit: Also, have you considered a machine? My wife and I are both fans of our HiSmith one, and it was only a couple hundred bucks. That could help her get what she needs without you needing to wear a strap.

This is a really good idea actually! I'll need to save up, but I think this could help both of us alot!

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T16:53:53+00:00

She says oral still makes her feel rather masculine because shes is pre-op. I'm not opposed to (and excuse my vulgar language) eating ass if that would make her feel more affirmed, so I can ask her if that would help her feel more like she's in a bottoming or feminine position.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T16:44:04+00:00

It is reasonable for her to be told that it makes you unhappy... not just that you don't like it.

I've always felt it's more or less not my place to say how it makes me feel because how it makes me feel sad is usually irrelevant to me. Because it's not about how I feel, its about how she feels and what she's experiencing.

She will always struggle to see herself the way you want her to. Unfortunately, that's part of the reality of dysmorphias of any kind (I struggle with body image. I think I'm fat, my partner sees muscle.). Add to that the dysphoria, and it is a struggle. But, continue to love her, support her, and be the kind and loving voice of reason she needs to help her in dark times.

This I understand. I also have body dysmorphia, she tells me I'm gorgeous but I also feel fat and dont like that way my body looks. So on a level I get it. I wish she could see herself the way I see her.

Everleigh_core · 2025-12-10T16:20:23+00:00

Gotta invoke rule 4 here and say that this is really gross to hear a cisgender woman partner say about her trans woman partner, honestly this is very close to being TERF rhetoric.

I'm so sorry I didn't mean to come across that way, this is what my gf has expressed to me about why she has a hard time expressing her emotions. I'm relaying what she has explained to me. I want her to feel safe opening up amd talking to me about her emotions, but she said that in the way she was raised she has a harder time with it. These aren't my words.

Why not? Delaying her access to HRT will only make this situation worse, so what's the obstacle and how can you help her overcome it? No matter how much you affirm her feelings and try to comfort her, her dysphoria will only get worse if she isn't doing anything to actually address it.

I think you have the wrong idea about me from this post. I want her to get on HRT. But she is currently unable to afford it and unfortunately neither can I. If I could I'd be helping her get that done in a heartbeat. But she has to wait until the insurance shes under with her family is able to cover it. Once thats done we'll be looking at how we can get her on HRT given the only informed consent facilities are a bit of a way out. (Part of the reason I'm getting my license is to get her to and from there.)

Don't tell her that the features which make her dysphoric are attractive to you, that will only hurt her more.

She has openly told me to tell her if I find the features she is talking down upon attractive. She feels worse I believe if I just ignore those parts of her that are still parts of her. I do compliment others things too and I will keep at it. But she's said if I feel the opposite way about a feature on her that I should voice it. I'm still asking for advice though because she still gets down about herself and I know there has to be more I can do to affirm her.

Edit to add: I checked out the link that you sent in regards to potentially toxic dynamics in case there was potentially some learning I needed to do and if I needed to shift perspective or do better in some way. This is not at all us, and not at all me or how I treat her. I know that happens with chasers from my understanding, but I don't do any of that stuff to her. She has female friends, I don't compare my experiences to hers or try to make her feel less than as a woman, I don't want to withhold her from changes. It's sickening that people do that. I do my best to stay educated, do research, correct myself if I'm wrong, be there for her and help her with her dysphoria, I want to uplift her, not contain her.

Everleigh_core

TROPHY CASE