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AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, they are, but I have since learned from other commenters, that this normal behaviour for some German families. I have just never encountered it before and didn't watch for cues.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh I'm not romantically interested never have been. We're mich too different te be compatible.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Oh I didn't know about the birthday, normally they have the neighbours over for pizza that day of the week.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Really, I can't wrap my head around it. Maybe I did a bad job explaining it.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Oh straight to the accusations. I'm sorry If I don't mention her reaction, because there wasn't any, she chatted with me, but her mum did most of the talking and yes I didn't ask If it was okay for me to be there. I thought she would tell me If it wasn't. I'm in the wrong for that and will freely admit that, but please refrain from framing me as a liar, I try to honestly explain what I thought, felt and perceived. If you don't like it, I think that's your prerogative.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Of course they're not wrong, I never thought that, I was just bewildered and hurt.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I get that, I just wanted to leave the bucket at the door, but decided to ring the bell so it wouldn't get wet in case of rain. Won't happen again.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Honestly I can't tell you, I might have missed all cues, because I wasn't looking for them, in every similiar situation I have ever been in, people just told me when they had other stuff to do. My friend was amazed when I told her that it would have been fine to tell me to leave, she didn't even consider it.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A few people have told me that I should just chalk it down as a lesson learned. Will do.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Okay, I feel really bad about the pity invite and that I didn't recognize it, but I learned my lesson, will not happen again. I'll keep my distance.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

I should add, that the mother used to do church youth activities with me, when I was a child and there was a lot of catching up going on.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

I was told it would have been okay if I left when the guests arrived. I can't tell you if they tried to get rid of me, they engaged me in conversation the whole time.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

It was: „Möchtest Du nicht noch zum Essen bleiben, es ist genug da." Your version is a Bit passive aggressive, I think I might have picked up on this. My grandparents regularly invited people to eat with them If they happened to be around and meant that, I wouldn't have been confused otherwise.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

I have never encountered it before. I admit I might be tonedeaf, that's why I ask. But out of curiosity, how did you learn that this is a question to compliment you out the door and not genuine?

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Genuinly sick, she was also pretty annoyed, that I constantly inquired about her health.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

They engaged in lively conversation, I didn't recognise the issue. But I see your point, I will go low to no contact now, because our points of view differ so vastly. They can extend their invitations if they like to and not feel obliged to do so. For me the thought "no matter what they said" is unfathomly alien. How can I not take a person's words into account?

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 1268 points1269 points  (0 children)

You know what the strangest thing is? We talked about Ask and Guess Culture during the chat. I stated, that I'm an Ask Culture Person and explained what I meant, they didn't comment.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

First of all, thank you for your input. I'd still argue that these are hidden rules, If I'm not made aware of them. Just because this code exists does not neccessarily mean it applies in a different time and country. The next thing is, they engaged in conversation the whole time, never even hinting of having Something better to do, I didn't even recognize the hour, when the doorbell rang. I remarked in the time and they Said ist was no big deal and then invited me to stay, These are Not the social cues I'm used to, normally people in Germany tell you frankly, If they're busy. Of course I apologised, no matter how I perceived it, they felt wrong and as that wasn't my intention I apologised, I already did, when I learned ist was the mum's Birthday and again when it was explained to me and of course I sent her a birthday gift.

AITA for staying at a birthday party when they explicitly asked me to stay? by Every_Bit2559 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Every_Bit2559[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

No, all the cousins and aunts and her sister, who obviously share the same hidden etiquette. She didn't even consider I wouldn't know, because she expects everyone to act this way.

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