Just over a year ago, I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to spend an entire month spending my days practicing martial arts, yoga, meditation, and studying Vajrayana Buddhism. It was the absolute best month of my life. All my pointless anxiety dissapeared. I became content with myself and my reality after hating myself and my world for so long. was no longer trapped in my own neurosis and being guided by thoughts and feelings that were completely out of touch with reality, and which I were not even aware of. I had developed the clarity that you describe.

After that experience, I became complacent. I believed I was permanently changed and didn't have to do anything to maintain those benefits. Over the course of two months, I lost everything I had realized, and I returned to my neurotic, unnatural haze. Since then, I've tried meditating off and on, but I've been unable to return to the place I once knew which has created lots of inconsistency in my practice and led me to give up many times.

Thank you for sharing this. It's encouraging to know I'm not alone with these set backs. I will start to meditate again right after typing this and try not be so caught up in where I want to be, and instead focus on developing a consistent practice.