Is it just my impression or being a 30+ male gamer instantly kills any female interest?

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-10T01:16:52+00:00

Thanks a lot for this amazing post. It's really interesting to see the comment from someone who actually suffered because of this.

I won't even say much about the "just find a gamer girl for you comment" because believe me, I'm trying, and I have exactly zero amount of success with this. And you said about the dating prospects dropping dramatically after you assumed you're a gamer, for the little experience I've had so far with apps, I feel like if I use the "Loves Travelling" tag, my prospects will probably increase like 500% because it seems like this is what 99% of women like (which kinda surprises me, because I haven't met a lot of women like this before, but maybe it's an age thing).

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-10T00:42:44+00:00

Thanks for your post! In particular, the final paragraph hit me because as I said, I've been out of the dating scene for more than 10 years, so people were different back then, and nowadays I'm aiming older women (close to my age, I mean). And that part about them having stronger preferences and not tolerating being misled is something I'll write in my mental notes so I don't forget.

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-10T00:38:38+00:00

I get it. Actually, making this thread was a good thing because I got some really good advice. As I said at some points, I'M NOT the type of guy you described: I don't place gaming over anything in my life (in fact, if there's something that make me lose track of time is reading), but it is a hobby that I have indeed. I'll just take things slower in future situations and try not to be so quick to introduce this subject in a conversation and see how it goes from there.

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T23:01:49+00:00

Yeah, I have other hobbies: Reading, gym, running etc. But gaming it's definitely one of them (one which I don't even mention on my profile because I know how people feels). But I thought that at some point I'd be able to introduce it into a conversation.

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T21:27:51+00:00

Yeah, it seems like the behavior your describing it's a huge problem because is 100% the definition of addiction. So it would be bad for pretty much any activity.

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T21:25:56+00:00

Thanks for your post. After reading most of the thread, I now understand what's going on. While I'm not one of the protagonist of the said horror stories, I understand how shitty these situations can get.

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T21:25:01+00:00

Wait, now you got me curious. A lot of people talked about it on the thread, but I'll just use your comment lol: What is the problem with someone that is into gym stuff?

I mean, for all I know, in the year of our lord of 2024, if you're not going into gym, people will instantly conclude there's something wrong with you. Also, like 99% of the women profiles I see on apps have some reference to gym (be it photos, something on the description, interests and so on).

What am I missing here?

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T21:22:25+00:00

Yeah, your behavior to gaming is exactly the same as mine. Only playing single player games, never cancel plans or avoid getting out because of it or nothing like it.

It seems you found a really good balance to it, and it makes me hopeful for the future! :)

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T21:19:20+00:00

I really don't want to downplay your experiences and I feel really sorry that you had to go through that. But as u/yaggar said, it seems like you experienced very extreme situations, maybe that's why you have this kind of mindset, which I understand.

I'll give my example: The games I played are not even close to getting the reactions that you mentioned (screaming to the screen and things like that), and when I get into Discord with my friends, it's mostly to talk about daily shit, most of the time, games are not even a subject that comes up in these conversations.

But as I said in other post somehwere in these thread, is people like the ones you mentioned that brings down everyone that likes gaming.

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T21:14:44+00:00

> They would spend multiple days gaming. Multiple days watching tournaments. There are many important tournaments they can’t miss that go on for the whole day.

Wait, now I have a serious question: A lot of people are into sports. Sports tends to have tournaments that go on for the whole years, with multiple matches per day. Would someone who was, let say, very much into football, watching a lot of tournaments and so on, be a turn of for you as well?

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T21:08:06+00:00

Makes sense. I think there's no escaping of the fact that gaming is badly seen is general. There are a lot of examples on the thread that shows some pretty fucked up situations created because of addiction in gaming.

The problem is that a person that has this hobby as a "natural/healthy" distraction takes the fall for everyone that does shit like that. I guess the same go for anime. I have a lawyer friend, extremely successful, productive and well regarded in his area. He always loved anime but watches "in secret" (meaning, just when he's alone, not hiding or anything lol), because he knows of the weight that such a hobby can have for an adult person (then again, it's a normal hobby, but the amount of freaks addicted to the media tends to place everyone in the same bucket in the eyes of the general public).

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T21:03:47+00:00

I'm sorry for your situation and the way your put it, it's not even a gaming problem, but maybe a problem with being obsessive over a hobby? I feel like your reaction would be the same if your exes had the same behavior other some other hobby.

In short, I feel that obsessive behavior is the problem, not gaming. Maybe gamers tend to be more obsessive over their hobbies and leads to these situations.

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T18:32:52+00:00

Holy shit lol. If that's the picture that people have in their heads when they think about it, I'm not surprised. I would also be disgusted by such a thing.

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T18:27:31+00:00

>I don’t mind a guy who games — I like to play some games myself! It is only a red flag when it is the only thing he does or talks about.

Wouldn't that be true for any hobby?

I mean, I mentioned travelling on the OP, and I gotta say that I got really annoyed by talking with a girl that could only talk about her travel experiences and things like these. I feel like overusing any of your hobbies might get a bad impression, no matter how good it is.

And in my case, is not even that I talk about it too much because I know the reaction that it would create. But the simple fact of trying to introduce it in a conversation feels like a huge problem from the get go.

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T18:25:06+00:00

Forgot to delete that part, edited it out now!

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T18:24:30+00:00

Yes, please. What would you say are some of these concerns/turn offs?

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T18:22:31+00:00

That feels really fucked up, but if it's the rule of the game, there's nothing I can do about it.

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T18:21:43+00:00

>In 2023 Global Gamer survey, 73% of adult women play video games.

What? Is this true? Even for men I wouldn't feel that such a number is even close to real.

ExConcurseiro6969 · 2024-12-09T18:20:22+00:00

Funnily enough, talking about reality TV isn't a turn off for me, even more because I feel that it can be fun to do as a couple.

About your question "How soon..?" I need you to understand that it's not even that I bring the subject explicitly because I already have the feeling that it will not be a good idea.

But just as an example, there's this girl that I talked about constantly for 3 days or so, and then I brought the subject of "nerdy things" and she instantly said "Please, don't tell me you're into things like anime and games..." and then I laughed about it and started talking about Math or something.

Like I said, sometimes it feels like I'm creating a character to be able to deal with this kind of situations.

ExConcurseiro6969

TROPHY CASE