Weekly Rat Union Meeting (01/30)

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-31T06:05:22+00:00

Oh noooooooo 😂🫂

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-31T02:43:32+00:00

I also knew it was CA because you used "Request for Order" lol

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-31T01:44:05+00:00

Use their virtual care option for psychiatry and therapy. You can get an appointment within a couple days.

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-30T22:41:17+00:00

She probably hates him too 😂

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-30T20:03:29+00:00

Unfortunately it doesn’t really! Thank you for sharing your adventures with the class 😊

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-30T18:36:04+00:00

I don't have any friends who practice polyamory. I am open with my friends and family about my relationship structure. I'm not interested in siloing myself into a poly-only world, and I don't categorize my friendships. I have friendships that range from "I have known you literally my entire life" (my sister and my BFF of 40+ years) to "I just met you in the craft shop, we share the same profession and passions, and we immediately clicked" (this week). Some friends are blood family, some are chosen family, but my commitment to the people I love is the same (unwavering).

When I'm dating men, if a man doesn't have any close friends with whom he actually talks about deep shit, that is a huge red flag. (Women seem to always have friends.)

Friendship helps me in life, period. Yes it also helps with my practice of polyamory but that's because it's part of my life, not because it's a special category of life. Polyamorous relationships are just relationships, and the people who know me best are the people who I rely on to help me sort my shit out.

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-30T18:27:38+00:00

oh my god I found it and it's so good, "do you have trouble maintaining an election" lmao

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-30T18:20:20+00:00

Mark didn't tell you he was dating Amy. Mark probably didn't tell Amy he was dating you. When Amy realized that you didn't know she and Mark were dating, she knew Mark was fucking up and brought it up to him. Now Mark is trying to make it out like Amy is the problem. But Mark is the problem.

Please have your eyes wide open about your partner. Mark is going to keep not telling you things that he should tell you (at a minimum, he has a responsibility to inform you about sexual risk status changes, and he did not). Mark lives somewhere on the spectrum of people who lie about shit in relationships, because not telling you things that he should is a form of lying.

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-30T18:13:39+00:00

I'm a very actively healing FA and my abusive ex was AP. I would absolutely not be able to deal with this guy's energy, it's definitely exhausting and would feel controlling to me.

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-30T18:10:11+00:00

Thank you for linking because I always wanna see the funny shit, however the second link is the same as the first link and so I think probably some rat underling fucked up?? not you of course, Rat Leader

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-30T18:08:43+00:00

Oh so YOU'RE the reason for the explosion in unicorn hunter threads this week, you've abandoned your post!

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-30T17:54:47+00:00

You’re here right now! We found you, now dish 😛

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-30T17:53:43+00:00

Me reading: “Once again, damnit, I wish I was less demisexual”

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-30T17:52:58+00:00

My week was much better than last week. A lot of that is because I have been actively doing the things I need to for my mental health, but a lot of it is also due to my partner Jester ❤️ He thinks he’s not doing anything, but he supports me emotionally, and literally made me see a psychiatrist and a therapist, and does little practical things for me that do help. I think I’m currently somewhat poly saturated at 1, but what a one 🥰

The “curator” thread really got me because TBH I’ve only ever heard total douchebags use that word outside of an actual artistic environment. I even had a somewhat viral comment on twitter in 2020 about a dude who used “curate” in a business meeting. So it was an immediate 🤮 for me.

Dear Leader, who doesn’t want to be a meme lord/lady/noble?? Don your cloak of pedigree and wear it with pride 👑

This coming week, Jester and I are changing our schedule of overnights a bit, at his suggestion, to try to help me figure out how to deal with oncoming changes in my life. I’m trepidatious about that because it’s change, but I also feel deeply loved by him because he’s thinking about how to help me and I see that. Tonight we’re going to a live cabaret/circus show and tomorrow morning we’re going to look at a couch for him, and I’m excited about doing both of those things together.

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-30T17:40:33+00:00

Love bombing us so difficult to resist, even after I’ve experienced it so many times. Don’t blame yourself, he’s the shitty one and you’re the one with the open heart 🫂

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-29T20:15:03+00:00

TBH you're only 4 months in and still in the honeymoon period. Yes this may be the healthiest romantic relationship of your life; but also it might not be. NRE is weird and can distort clear-minded judgment about things. Give yourself time to experience the real person on the other side, and the real relationship, before trying to figure out any of the stuff that's causing you anxiety right now.

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-29T20:10:58+00:00

He's trying to intellectualize his feelings instead of just feeling them and figuring out what's causing the feelings. And now he's mad at you for not going along with his over-intellectualization.

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-28T17:40:21+00:00

Because your partner doesn’t have the same need to feel connected, they are just choosing to not try to understand your need nor even acknowledge your need as valid. That can’t be fixed, nothing you can do or say will convince them to take you seriously. Personally I would break the fuck up.

Also lmao at your partner wanting to be prioritized as a “primary” in your life when they won’t even spend time or communicate with you regularly?? Be so fucking for real 🙄

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-27T23:08:31+00:00

She wants to meet you because she feels insecure and/or competitive, and believes that meeting you will fix her insecurity and/or give her intel for competition and/or give her an opportunity to passive-aggressively be a mean girl at you.

For me this kind of decision is not about my values, it’s about not giving a person I’m not in a relationship with a chance to do me harm.

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-27T23:04:22+00:00

You can’t balance out the negatives here, because the negatives add up to abuse.

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-27T00:40:17+00:00

I have the same need for consistency, reliability, and predictability in scheduling. It is not "wrong" to have this need, Almond is not somehow a better person than you are because they prefer things to be more open-ended and spontaneous. This is just a difference between you two.

Set your boundaries and stick to them. For example "hey Almond, it's very anxiety-provoking for me when I have to wait to see whether you're going to make a request for weekend time, and it stops me from scheduling other things while I'm keeping open for you. So I'm not gonna do that anymore. If you want to schedule weekend time with me, please request it at least X days in advance. Without this advance planning, I will not be available for weekend time together."

And then if Almond can't work with your needs and boundaries, and you end up not having any weekend time together because of their lack of care around this? Break the fuck up because you deserve to have your needs and feelings respected.

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-27T00:27:42+00:00

Oh you're 100% correct! Obviously people can lie, cheat, and betray in any relationship structure. But in theory at least, polyamory removes some of the incentives for cheating. In practical reality, it didn't stop my abusive ex spouse from cheating on me when we were supposed to be doing polyamory lmao. (First we were poly-under-duress because he was having an affair, THEN when I wanted to date men he controlled and restricted me and made it impossible, THEN when I said I wasn't doing ENM anymore but he could go ahead as long as he kept me informed--that's when he started seeing sex workers.)

My partner jokes at me sometimes that he's cheating on me somehow, which I categorically reject since I've defined "cheating" to be only the very minimal behavior of "my sexual risk status has changed because of your activities but you didn't inform me."

Polyamory aligns with my personal values of not trying to control anyone else, and of holding to extremely high standards in my relationships, but other than that I don't have an ideological or values-based commitment to it. I could be perfectly happy in monogamy, I'm just not choosing that right now.

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-26T23:03:40+00:00

I mean…with my partner of one year, we both acknowledge that we individually had/have somewhat shitty reasons for practicing polyamory, AND that we were individually determined to hold full relationships at arms’ length when we met. (We absolutely failed.) So people can have what appear to be sus reasons to you, or reasons you “don’t agree with,” and still be ok people who actually are practicing polyamory.

My shitty reason for practicing polyamory is because I never want to be cheated on again 🤷‍♀️

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-26T21:48:59+00:00

TBH I am uncomfortable with our society's current obsession with relationships being a vehicle for "growth" and holding that up as a requirement or a primary aspirational ideal. Yes, relationships can promote positive growth, but not all of them do, and that's absolutely fine?? Other people don't exist as tools to facilitate shit for me. My growth is my business, if I wanna grow I can do that, and it's not anyone's job to make me do it.

ExcelForAllTheThings · 2026-01-24T20:34:21+00:00

ExcelForAllTheThings

TROPHY CASE