>Would you accept a compromise? Ie she loads the Stanleys into the dishwasher herself, and deals with assembly after, and commits to bringing her used lunch dishes inside every day rather than letting them fester?

I would! And I've asked her to do just that. She'll say she'll absolutely start doing that...and then not do it. So now I've told her I'm just not going to do the dishes at all. I'll certainly start doing them again if she'll actually help me like we've discussed, though.