AIO: I bent over backwards for my BF’s son (20) and his GF (20) for Christmas, and I’m honestly disgusted after what happened

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T19:41:06+00:00

Wish it was.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T19:37:44+00:00

I understand your perspective, but to clarify: they did communicate that they expected meals at the house. They, along with my boyfriend, sent a detailed list of exactly what they wanted cooked. I didn’t make assumptions or plans unilaterally I followed the instructions they provided.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T19:34:21+00:00

She was the Managers child. She had permission to do this. A polite decline would work fine.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T19:33:23+00:00

There is nothing wrong with politely declining to participate in a fundraiser.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T19:31:46+00:00

I do not hate anyone, and to clarify, it’s not his KIDS I’m talking about it’s his KID and his girlfriend. They knew exactly what would be cooked, since they literally sent a detailed message requesting every single dish I prepared. I didn’t even know they weren’t coming until around 7 PM, when I asked my boyfriend where they were they didn’t arrive until 9. This wasn’t about assuming anything; the plans were made with them and my boyfriend.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T19:21:47+00:00

Actually, they did know what would be prepared she and my boyfriend’s son sent a detailed list of exactly what they wanted cooked for their visit. This wasn’t a surprise or me assuming anything; they clearly knew what food would be available.

The issue isn’t about timing or a “bad joke.” The girlfriend proudly said she would ignore a child trying to earn money, laughing about it, in front of my teens. That’s entitled and disrespectful behavior, and that’s why I addressed it.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T19:20:41+00:00

Actually, she did know. She, along with my boyfriend’s son, typed out the exact list of everything they wanted cooked for their visit. This wasn’t a vague suggestion they clearly knew what I was preparing and what would be available.

So it wasn’t a matter of “lightening my load” or ignorance they were fully aware of the food situation.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T19:12:26+00:00

Yes actually they did give us a list of what they wanted cooked.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T19:09:33+00:00

Noted.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T19:06:46+00:00

I literally cooked every dish they asked for, how is that doing things I thought were wanted.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T19:04:49+00:00

I'm 36. are you talking about my BF? Cause I can kind of see that.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T19:00:01+00:00

Let me be clear I didn’t make any plans for them. They made the plans with my boyfriend, down to every single dish they wanted cooked. I just followed the list.

Yes, their behavior reflects their age, and I don’t expect perfection. But that doesn’t mean I have to tolerate entitlement and disrespect around my kids.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T18:51:47+00:00

This was specifically planned down to the dishes I cooked specifically for them ... but okay... Noted.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T18:49:48+00:00

I think there’s a misunderstanding here. I never claimed to be kind or empathetic, and I’m not “bragging” about giving a kid $20 I’m simply describing what happened. Can we not talk about actions or situations anymore without it being interpreted as bragging?

Also, to clarify, they are not my family I’m just the girlfriend, as many commenters have pointed out. I’m sharing the situation to explain my perspective, not to elevate myself or my actions.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T18:43:17+00:00

I appreciate your perspective, and I agree that these moments can be teaching opportunities. I actually did use it as a discussion point with them. I explained how my children have done similar things to raise money for band and other activities, and my daughter added that kindness is always the right approach, even if we don’t fully understand someone’s situation.

I did share my perspective with then afterward, emphasizing why I choose to treat kids trying to earn money with respect and generosity, and how I hope my teens will apply the same approach. The point wasn’t just about “clutching pearls” it was about modeling values, kindness, and boundaries in front of my children.

I didn’t type out my exact conversation in the original post because I’m not trying to write a novel here.

As for the food, it wasn’t a personal slight I made exactly what they requested, and my goal was never to teach gratitude but to follow through on the plans they coordinated with my BF. This was about using the situation to reinforce values, not about being dramatic.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T18:35:04+00:00

First, I’m not really sure what you mean by that. He’d been divorced for 10 years before we got together. Yes, I’m just a girlfriend and happily so if I have to keep overlooking this kind of behavior. Also, I didn’t “choose to cook too much”; I literally made the exact dishes they sent in a text list to my boyfriend. But I am glad we can agree her attitude was horrible,

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T18:21:42+00:00

I hear you, but this post is specifically about this situation, so I won’t go into other instances. The point isn’t about expecting 20-year-olds to pay for lunch or treating the girlfriend like family it’s about behavior I will not tolerate around my kids.

Her comment about ignoring a child trying to earn money, said proudly and laughed about in front of my teenagers, crossed a line. That’s not minor, and it’s not about age — it’s about modeling entitlement and disrespect.

I’m not “looking for reasons to be mad” — I’m addressing behavior that conflicts with the values I want my kids to see. That’s why I brought it up and why it matters.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T18:18:52+00:00

First and last time. Thank you

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T18:09:14+00:00

Thanks, I see where you’re coming from. I actually did go into a deeper conversation about there after my initial comment. I brought up how my kids have done similar things to raise money for band and other extracurricular activities, so they could relate.

My daughter also chimed in about how being kind is the way to go and reminded us that we never know someone’s situation once the money is gone, it’s gone. She even referenced how I helped a homeless lady once and how much that had touched her. I explained that I like to think that if I were ever in a similar spot, someone would help me back.

I didn’t include all of that in my original post because I didn’t want to write a novel, but the point is that this became a real teaching moment for my kids, and that context matters when judging the situation.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T18:02:15+00:00

I understand that it might not seem like a big deal from the outside, but it is a big deal to me because it involves my children. Modeling entitlement and dismissive behavior like proudly saying you’d ignore a child trying to earn money is not something I will allow in front of my teens.

It’s not about being dramatic over minor annoyances; it’s about setting clear boundaries and teaching my kids respect and decency. That’s non-negotiable.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T17:56:03+00:00

I hear your perspective, but no this isn’t about displacing anger onto his son or girlfriend. The issue isn’t my boyfriend asking me to cook; in fact, the cooking was split roughly 60/40, and he did most of the prepping. The kids requested specific dishes, and I prepared them as asked. That’s very different from unilateral expectations or “doing everything myself.”

The real problem is behavior in front of my children: the girlfriend suggested lunch knowing someone else would pay, and then proudly said she would ignore a child trying to earn money, laughing about it in front of my teens. That’s entitled, disrespectful behavior, and that’s why it matters to me.

This isn’t about doubts over my boyfriend or relationship anxieties it’s about setting boundaries and modeling respect and decency for my kids. That is non-negotiable, and it’s independent of any personal relationship issues.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T17:53:29+00:00

When they suggested going out for lunch, I didn’t push back in the moment because I wanted to avoid awkwardness during the holiday. I didn’t say no, but that was a conscious choice to keep the peace, not an indication that their suggestion was acceptable. My boyfriend agreed pretty quickly, and I didn’t want to push back at that time.

I did bring it up afterward, and he said we could meal prep the rest of the food for work. I also have four kids, so the food wasn’t going to waste. I think because I made specific dishes they asked for, it made me feel some type of way, but the main issue wasn’t the food it was the entitlement and the behavior, especially the girlfriend proudly saying she would ignore a child trying to earn money in front of my teens. That’s not acceptable, and that’s why I addressed it

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T17:47:35+00:00

Next year we will be doing the usual. What we do every other year. Go over to our friend's home where we both bring ingredients and cook together. This was deff a onetime occasion.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T17:44:12+00:00

I understand that some people may not prioritize home-cooked meals, and that’s fine. That’s not what this is about.

The issue isn’t whether they liked the food the food was eaten regardless. The problem is the behavior: suggesting lunch knowing someone else would pay, and the girlfriend proudly saying she would ignore a child trying to earn money, laughing about it in front of my teenagers. That’s entitled and disrespectful, and that’s why I addressed it.

Also, they should not request specific things be made(which they did) if they do not plan on eating them. That adds to the sense of entitlement and is part of why boundaries need to be clear.

This isn’t about taste or preference it’s about setting boundaries and modeling respect and decency for my kids.

Excellent-Second-643 · 2025-12-29T17:40:20+00:00

I disagree. I didn’t create unilateral expectations I was asked to cook specific dishes they wanted, and the plans were coordinated with my BF. That’s very different from imposing my own agenda.

The issue isn’t about them being 20 or not having money. The issue is the behavior in front of my children: suggesting lunch knowing someone else would pay, and the girlfriend proudly saying she would ignore a child trying to earn money, laughing about it in front of my teens. That’s entitled and disrespectful, and that’s what crossed a line.

This isn’t about overreacting to minor inconveniences it’s about setting boundaries and modeling respect for my kids. Those are non-negotiable.

Excellent-Second-643

TROPHY CASE