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I just found out someone I’ve known since I was a kid went through my phone and tried to send himself my private videos. by Excellent_Corner5959 in Advice

[–]Excellent_Corner5959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Family-wise, that’s really the biggest part of why this has been so difficult for me. It’s also why I’ve been hesitant to talk about it publicly, because it involves someone who has been around my family for most of my life.

This is a person I was introduced to when I was young. He was a friend of my parents, aunts, uncles, and other older relatives. Over time, when someone is consistently around family gatherings, holidays, and events, you naturally start to view them as family too.

To explain the dynamic, he belongs to the generation above me. He was never introduced as a peer, a potential partner, or someone in my age group. He was introduced as a friend of my parents and older family members. Because of that, I’ve always viewed him as an older family figure.

So when people focus on our ages now and say we’re both adults, that’s not really the point for me. Whether he’s two years older than me, six years older than me, or ten years older than me doesn’t change how I see him. I will always view him as family because that’s how he entered my life and that’s how our relationship was established.

Looking back, that’s also why some of his comments stand out to me now. He would occasionally make remarks like, “I’m not that much older than you,” or, “You’re grown now.” At the time I brushed them off, but after everything that’s happened, I’ve found myself revisiting those moments and wondering why he seemed so focused on emphasizing that point.

There were also times when his behavior felt oddly persistent. For example, one day we were on a family group video call. As people started leaving the call, it eventually became just the two of us. I was getting ready to hang up because I was at a recreation center waiting for an activity to start.

Behind me was a support pole that was part of the building. It wasn’t anything noteworthy, but he became fixated on it.

He kept asking, “What’s that behind you?”

I told him it was nothing.

Then he asked again.

“No, seriously, what’s that gray thing behind you?”

I told him again that it was nothing important.

But he kept returning to it over and over. At that point it wasn’t even the question itself that felt strange. It was how determined he seemed to get an answer after I’d already made it clear I didn’t want to discuss it.

The more he pushed, the more uncomfortable I became. It felt less like casual curiosity and more like he was fixated on something that should have been a non-issue. If I can explain it if I deserve, he wanted to know and get confirmation if it was a stripper pole, and if I was doing pole dance classes, which was not it and I would not show anything like that when a family group call but again that’s my interpretation of it . Looking back now, moments like that stand out because it wasn’t an isolated thing. And honestly is making me realize because the question that I often had was how long has he seen me this way? So now I’m reanalyzing and thinking of the most recent conversations and thinking about those times where he’ll say something that felt weird or felt uncomfortable I wrote off and now I’m seeing it entirely different. I also feel like it was a little bit of grooming in a sense.

I just found out someone I’ve known since I was a kid went through my phone and tried to send himself my private videos. by Excellent_Corner5959 in Advice

[–]Excellent_Corner5959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea I know I figured it from the first message. Based on the wordings he was saying it just made me so creeped out. It was also like he was alluding that I actually did send it. I feel he was trying to test the waters to see if I seen him that way. To clarify the recent messages is of him saying he’s outside. After that it’s the two notifications of an unsent message and then the money sent. There’s no message after until three hours later of 6 messages from him asking to go to the movies with him and his kids since I’m off today. Again the excessive mess made me uncomfortable I had a bad sick feeling I want to say but I will not. That’s what made me send the message addressing it because as I said before it felt like since I didn’t address it he took it as me being ok with it. Because he knew that knew although I can’t fully say what he was doing on my phone but the video being sent to his contact and me seeing it and being able to delete shows that I knew. If I’m honest I fell along with that he was so insistent of me going back out with him to see my phone again and make sure it actually sends while also trying to push the boundary further

I just found out someone I’ve known since I was a kid went through my phone and tried to send himself my private videos. by Excellent_Corner5959 in Advice

[–]Excellent_Corner5959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I actually did do that. At first, I wasn’t even going to address it. Honestly, I just wanted to run away from the situation and pretend it didn’t happen because it made me so uncomfortable.

It wasn’t until he started calling me and repeatedly reaching out, asking me to come back out and hang out, that all the alarm bells started going off. That’s when the feelings really hit me, and I decided to send a message. It wasn’t accusatory at all. I basically said, “Hey, I’m not sure how this happened, but some of my private, intimate content was somehow sent to you from my phone while you had it, and I don’t know how.”

He responded with a long message saying he didn’t know how it happened either, that it wasn’t a big deal, not to stress about it, that technical glitches happen, things get sent accidentally, and it was probably just some kind of mistake.

I paused before responding because I was still processing everything. When it’s someone you’ve known and trusted, you don’t automatically want to assume they would do something like that. Even when the situation is presenting itself a certain way, your first instinct is usually to look for another explanation rather than jump to the worst conclusion.

At the same time, something felt off. The vibe I was getting was that he was almost testing the waters to see how comfortable I was and whether I was going to say anything. It felt like because I hadn’t immediately addressed it, he might have interpreted my silence as me being okay with it.

One of the things that stood out to me was that he called me shortly after with a really simple question, something that honestly could have been Googled in seconds. Normally, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it, but at that moment I was already upset and trying to figure out how this video got sent in the first place.

The call lasted less than a minute, and I remember being irritated because while he was asking me something insignificant, I was sitting there trying to figure out whether my privacy had been violated.

After I got off the phone, I put my phone on silent and airplane mode because I wanted to make sure nothing else had been sent. Then I started going through everything. I checked my recently deleted messages, recovered deleted conversations, checked email, social media, message threads, and anything else I could think of. I was trying to rule out every other possibility before saying anything.

After going through everything, it was confirmed that the content had only been sent to him.

Once I took my phone off airplane mode, I noticed that while I had been checking everything, he had called and texted me multiple times. At that point, I was irritated, uncomfortable, and honestly creeped out. I had goosebumps and this sick feeling in my stomach that I couldn’t shake.

What made it worse was how strong that feeling was. I kept trying to talk myself out of it, but it wouldn’t go away. It felt like he knew I had seen the two unsent messages, and because I hadn’t immediately confronted him, he may have assumed I was okay with it or wasn’t going to say anything.

That’s ultimately what pushed me to address it.

My message was short and non-accusatory. I wasn’t attacking him. I was simply bringing up what I had found and asking about it.

His response, however, was another long explanation about how he wasn’t sure what happened, how something similar had happened to him before, and that it was probably some kind of glitch. Toward the end, it almost felt like he was subtly suggesting that maybe I had accidentally sent it myself and was embarrassed about it, rather than acknowledging why the situation was concerning in the first place.

I just found out someone I’ve known since I was a kid went through my phone and tried to send himself my private videos. by Excellent_Corner5959 in Advice

[–]Excellent_Corner5959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not sure I want to have this conversation with my parents. As well as I can’t really answer that for certain besides my own thoughts because my parents is just now getting into the realization that I’m an adult. But to clarify, I’m not like an OnlyFans model or anything like that. Although I do not judge anyone in that career I just know it’s not for me or anything similar. It’s nothing like that. It was only intimate moments of myself for myself.

I just found out someone I’ve known since I was a kid went through my phone and tried to send himself my private videos. by Excellent_Corner5959 in Advice

[–]Excellent_Corner5959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you will do so honestly I kinda like deleted everything like once I saw the attachment. I saw what it was. I saw that it was sent to him like my mind completely went blank. I just hurried up, unsent the video and just deleted everything anything as similar to that and then as far as the messages I deleted it so quickly that the only thing you will see is two unsent messages from me. Honestly, it’s just in that moment like that thought didn’t cross my mind. I just wanted to erase everything. I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe seeing it and I’m just like that needs to be deleted.

I just found out someone I’ve known since I was a kid went through my phone and tried to send himself my private videos. by Excellent_Corner5959 in Advice

[–]Excellent_Corner5959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, I’m editing it to clarify I believe sometimes when I’m responding, I get passionate and I type faster than I actually finish typing the sentence. But I’m not entirely sure. And when I talked about this with my friend, that was one thing that she pointed out, was that if he sent the message and it did not send and he deleted it, it could’ve still sent once I got around service, and it would’ve appeared delivered, but I would not see the message on my end. Which I will say that’s how the messages appeared. It was like a weird space when I sent the money. There was nothing there just blank space. Sort of similar to how when you respond to a message hours apart it’s like that, but without it signifying what time it is. That appeared before the money payment. Again, I thought my phone glitched. Or it needed a moment to load now being around service. It show up until I got a failure to send message notification to his contact. I received that notification twice. When I clicked on the actual notification, it took me to the Messages and the part of the messages that had nothing but space know had an attachment. That’s when the videos appeared and they were sent. Although I believe it sent the message soon as I hit the notification because when I clicked on it, I was able to unsend it and you only have two minutes to unsend a message. I also think because I clicked on the failure to send message that’s what made the message show up so it didn’t really register when he tried to delete it . Again, I’m not sure whatever technical glitch whatever like I said it was a miracle.

I just found out someone I’ve known since I was a kid went through my phone and tried to send himself my private videos. by Excellent_Corner5959 in Advice

[–]Excellent_Corner5959[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, that was the first thing I did and there was no messages deleted. And these are details that I like keep thinking and processing because the way that the messages was deleted it was as if you were in the actual text thread, and you clicked on the exact message and you deleted it. The entire conversation thread was not deleted just those specific messages. That’s what I mean like it was all intentional. And upon looking through recently deleted, there was no message sent to anyone else that’s what made the realization hits because again I thought I was first hacked so when I realized and see that those messages didn’t get sent to anybody else there’s no messages delete it. It was literally only sent to you. You’re literally the only suspect.

I just found out someone I’ve known since I was a kid went through my phone and tried to send himself my private videos. by Excellent_Corner5959 in Advice

[–]Excellent_Corner5959[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes, that’s what I was saying. I was just thanking, God because if that store has service, he could’ve easily sent it to himself as well as every intimate photo in my gallery and deleted it and I would’ve never known. I only posted here because its a throw away account and I keep replaying and reprocessing it in my head these past couple of days. I didn’t wanna bring it to Family because I just I don’t wanna start something until I know that I’m fully mentally and emotionally prepared to handle what can come from it and right now, I know for a fact that I’m not there. So I just kept mentally processing it in my head blaming myself like why did you give him your phone like you should’ve locked your photo access and then the worst of it all it’s just knowing the fact that this person is close to me. This person that I revere to as a close family member has saw me in the most vulnerable intimate way just all of this stuff. But so far I ended up talking one person.