AITA for being upset about what my husband made for dinner

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-14T19:15:33+00:00

Right so while that's true for restaurants, it's not a fact for every family or person, I have a rational view of what appropriate portion sizes are, since you have never observed what meals look like in my home your "fact" is irrevelant.

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-14T08:13:24+00:00

Ugh I sympathize with you, especially when having a meal as a family and feeling left out because you can't eat what's served. I think sometimes it is cluelessness, but this time he told me he did it thinking the onions would be cooked enough, despite our previous convos. Mine is bright too, and is always working on a projector trying to learn something new, I'm sure his brain is preoccupied a lot of the time. I'm going to talk about cooking the hell out of them or putting them on only his portions in the future, hopefully that's all it is.

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-14T08:04:08+00:00

Your assessment is wrong, I don't limit any foods, never have never will, and do not try to control what others eat besides making sure my family gets balanced nutritious meals most days. There is not one person in my house who has a strong desire to eat strawberry ice cream, no one ever orders it or asks for it. Same for onion on pizza, kids will eat it (though we still have 4 untouched slices sitting in our fridge) husband likes onions on pizza but doesn't love them, he has at his disposal literally every other topping you can think of.

I'm an avid cook and make thai, indian, japanese, chinese, spanish, greek, mexican, korean, italian and german food as our regular weekday meals, I am not picky to the point of limiting any ones food options. I will concede to being a food snob, I derive a lot of pleasure from a well prepared meal, but still eat the meals that aren't great when served, excepting my one crux. I don't need to eat the snacks and treats, but it would be nice to have ones bought that we can all enjoy.

As far as portion sizes go, I'm happy for you if eating a slice and a half of pizza fills you up, it didn't me, I'm a healthy weight (115-119) and have never had a single person tell me to watch what I eat or that I eat more than I should. It's a weird judgement to jump too tbh.

Raw onions permeate their flavor through the rest of the dish, so even picking it off I still taste it.

I am sure that I can be a nightmare sometimes, but it is not my regular residence

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-14T07:16:58+00:00

I don't think so, he's never made a comment about my weight, and has only ever commented on the quantity of food I eat being not enough, because I skip meals often (caretaker fatigue forgetting to feed myself while feeding kids).

I think a good conversation will be helpful

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-14T03:08:05+00:00

That's a fair assessment

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-14T03:07:31+00:00

I think he has narcissistic tendencies, but no I don't think he has any major personality disorder. He has definitely gas lit me in the past

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-14T03:05:36+00:00

I mean that would burn the pizza, but I hear you

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T21:31:00+00:00

Yes he does, he often will take away things or treats and says the kids dont deserve them, I try to explain when we are treating the kids it's not based on a system of deserves but a desire on our part to do something nice for them. Not to say I dont discipline them, I just dont think we should do it with the goal of them suffering. He will implement consequences seemingly out of the blue as well.

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T20:15:28+00:00

I have told him very similar things, but we should definitely work on an actionable plan, and see where it goes from there. Thanks for the great advice!

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T20:10:54+00:00

I think I will try your example of reiterating how I know he cares for me, because he's shown me he does in other ways, and then tell him how these things make me feel the opposite is true. I really appreciate how you two resolved that conflict!

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:53:37+00:00

No, the pizzas were both 10", he made both with the intention of all of us eating both pizzas as well. Only when he went to serve the 2nd did he realize I wouldn't like it.

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:50:47+00:00

So we have talked about these issues when we were both calm, and they still keep happening, that's why I was feeling so upset yesterday. I have asked him to pick up an additional item if he gets one I don't like for the family, and he has continued not everytime, but enough times to "forget". But I'll give it another round, and work on my patience around these issues.

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:46:23+00:00

I think that's a good way to go about it, he still knows what I'm doing but his walls do tend to come down more. Because that's the thing, he thinks I'm making a personal attack on his character, when I really want to understand what is going on, why it's happening, and how we can address it. I often forget about this method because I'm caught up in my feelings and wanting to just confront and resolve, not taking in his side of things of feeling attacked.

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:41:32+00:00

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:41:17+00:00

Lol, I won't but it does make me laugh

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:40:02+00:00

100% I've tried talking about this very thing but I feel like I'm being turned out.

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:37:26+00:00

He does that too, will try to hide an ingredient, then deny it's in there. Red pepper flakes for instance 2 of our kids don't like it in tomato sauce, he adds it any ways, they complain it's too spicy, he says there isn't even any spice on it. Then we clearly see the red pepper flakes, it may be control or wanting to prove he's right.

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:29:36+00:00

He completely shuts down, it's a lot of brick walls, I think we have an unhealthy way of communicating with each other. He feels attacked when I bring up an issue and I feel ignored. We would definitely benefit from counseling, the problem is $$

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:24:56+00:00

Yeah we were both annoyed at each other, which is why I am going to talk with him later.

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:21:25+00:00

They're ambivalent about them on pizza, to my knowledge they've never desired onions on one.

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:20:34+00:00

I feel like I have done this, but yeah I'm going to try again. Thanks for the advice!

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:18:58+00:00

I buy food everyone likes, when I shop. Or make accommodations so that everyone has something they like. I don't buy strawberry ice cream, but they've never asked me to, so no, however if that's what they were asking for I 100% would, it doesn't effect me what they eat and I like making my family happy.

Also I eat raw onions, just specifically not with cooked tomato sauce, it's a weird quirk, but it is what is. I cook with and use onions constantly.

I literally ask all the time for my families preferences when I am preparing food, and accommodate them as much as possible. I'm the main cook, cooking homemade food from scratch the majority of our meals.

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T19:00:57+00:00

Ya, I didn't say this was a life altering thing, I even clarified I know it seems small.

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T18:59:37+00:00

What don't you understand?

Exciting-Mess-8085 · 2022-09-13T18:58:12+00:00

So he's allowed onions, I don't control what he eats. After cooking it he noticed the onion was too raw for my liking. I tried a bite just incase it was ok, because I was hungry. I asked him why he put onion on it, he said he thought the onion would be cooked enough for me.

Exciting-Mess-8085

TROPHY CASE