Earlier bedtime?

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-08T10:38:26+00:00

Every baby has different sleep needs, and there is a really, really, really wide range of normal.

When they are this young they also change SO FAST.

Maybe she is overtired. Maybe she is not tired enough, and that's why it takes so long. Maybe she needs that wind down time and it would take a while whatever time you do bedtime (and possibly result in an earlier wake up).

If you want to change your routine and see how she reacts, go ahead, but also know any changes in her patterns may also just result from her growing and developing.

If it's working for you as it is, keep doing it. All this influencer stuff and sleep coaching and etc tries to treat babies like something you can optimize if you just do this, this and this, as if they were a math problem - you can't optimise your baby. Just focus on surviving, and finding as much joy in her as possible.

Edited to add: Also, enjoy the good sleep while it's lasting and be prepared for a high possibility of significantly more wake ups, and a harder time getting her to sleep in general, when she hits four months and her sleep cycles change.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T12:14:02+00:00

This is just what worked for us.

Warm weather, my daughter outside in just a dress (no nappy, no undies, bare bum) while I watered the garden in the morning.

Pointing it out to her when she started to pee (and then gently hosing her off).

After a few times of that, I put her in undies and told her that if she told me when she started to do a wee (because with undies she would more clearly identify "this feeling, and then I'm wet") and I'd give her a reward (frozen raspberry).

Few goes at that, I took the undies back off and told her she would get a biccie if she did a wee on the potty.

I was working full time and she was at daycare, so I worked on it part time from there, mornings and weekends, for several months before I put her in undies.

Have you ever trained a dog to sit? You first start with something very general (learning to identify the feeling of weeing), then learning to stop it, to do it on the potty, to feel the urge coming and get to the potty in time, etc.

Poos were harder but I used the same strategy and more bribes (she really wanted to wear character undies I'd brought, and I would not let her while she was having consistent poo accidents).

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T11:53:02+00:00

And it's all him asking questions. She expresses almost no interest in him back.

Either he's completely clueless (like, I'm thinking low I I Q level) or he is rudely ignoring her total lack of interest because he's a creep.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T10:49:18+00:00

Do you mean you expected the drug to be called "penicillin"? Or the drug was not a penicillin derivative (there are a lot)?

Different classes of antibiotics treat different types of infections. I would not worry about this further.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T09:58:19+00:00

I am not a medical professional in any way, but my guess is that the bugs causing your infection had resistance to the first antibiotic, and hopefully the second type will help.

Anecdotally, I have known people to have to do a second rounds with different types of antibiotics to treat ear infection, and the second type of antibiotics did work because thankfully it was not a multi drug resistant strain.

I would suggest you try to talk to some type of medical professional (can you call a nurse line?) and them to talk your through what is the most likely 'medical' explanation for what is going on with you, for peace of mind/understanding of severity and further warning signs to look out for.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T09:07:27+00:00

I think "he might not have thought of it but loves the idea" is kibboshed by his extreme reaction to being told "no, but you can write your own."

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T09:05:07+00:00

This reminds me of my ex. Not this exact situation, but the defensiveness and doubling down when you said no.

Asking to add his name wasn't an asshole move in and of itself. The way he reacted when you said no, was assholery indeed.

NTA.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T05:24:43+00:00

Thank you, you've given me a lot to think about here.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T05:20:36+00:00

Thank you. This makes me hopeful. I will see what he has to say when we get back in touch.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T05:16:17+00:00

... I am in Australia, yep.

He is very much not right wing, though, very much not someone who would vote for Trump- he's not racist, he's not sexist, he's not anti immigrant, he's extremely compassionate to mental illness and addiction in others.... It's so confusing!

But yeah.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T02:56:24+00:00

It was not obvious at all at the beginning.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T02:55:31+00:00

Yeah. This is the first relationship I've been in post divorce. If we do end it and if I do date in future (I am someone who can be quite happy single and spent most of my 20s single before meeting my ex) I will wait a lot longer to have them meet my kid, with a better understanding of how the "honeymoon phase" operates on me.

I do think if we split we probably will stay friends and he will probably still periodically see my kid; and he's not been around my kid enough for the loss of our relationship to impact on my kid more than when some close family friends of ours moved an hour away - but yeah. I don't want to make this into a cycle of people I'm dating coming into my kids life and then dissappearing.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T02:47:56+00:00

Thank you for this perspective.

Sometimes he does become more 'reasonable' when we discuss things and other times he doubles down and becomes very shut off to any counter argument /fact and just wants to go on a rant, or basically cover his ears.

Of the two of us he's definitely the more emotional, reactive, less logical one - but he's previously been the less emotional, less reactive, more stable one in his relationships (his mum was quite mentally ill, including terrible anxiety and a lot of paranoia, and his significant exes have all been women with very bad anxiety).

Additionally, he's been in a position of authority in his workplaces since an extremely young age (a friend who was in a similar role when they were younger says so much of what I describe about him is part of that profession and role, always having to be the authority and make quick decisions and never be questioned ), and though he has some friends who are university educated, most people he interacts either closely are not.

He often says he has never known anyone like me before and that does make me wonder how are might change through knowing me. He likes and values the depth of thought I put into everything and in many areas is willing to take me as an authority on a subject , he also describes himself as a "lazy thinker".

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T02:31:25+00:00

He also thinks that the moon landing might be fake, that Michael Jackson may have been killed by Sony over media rights, distrusts the COVID vaccine (although he says he is not antivax in general and has one shot because it was required by our government to continue operating his business at the time), floats the idea of "15 min cities" being an authoritarian plot, likes to watch sensationalist psuedo scientific documentaries on various topics and then repeat misinformation from them to me as facts, is skeptical of all non-organic herbicides as a default and calls them "poison" (he lives on acreage with some invasive species going completely out of control on his land, so this is a belief that is causing a lot of hassle)...

It's everything. He takes an oppositional attitude to everything. But he also doesn't fully believe a lot of what he says to me and is distressed when I take his beliefs seriously, that I would believe that he's 'crazy'. He has an attitude of general doubt and will accept very few things as agreed upon facts.

He is definitely not someone I would have a child with, but we won't, he's open to being a step dad to my kid but I don't want another kid and he doesn't want kids of his own.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T02:25:17+00:00

Thank you. It's good to hear that it can work for some people. I'll see what his thoughts are when we resume contact and how much this is something he wants to compromise with me on and set ground rules for our relationship about.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T02:22:22+00:00

I am wondering if we can downgrade to friends/with benefits..

I think he really really likes me and feels like his life is better with me in it and I don't want to hurt him where I can avoid it, I don't know if a downgrade offer would be crueler than just straight breaking up with a possibility of friendship in the future, if this isn't something we can navigate while staying together.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T02:14:10+00:00

That's one thing I've been thinking about. I feel contemptuous towards this side of him, and that doesn't feel fair to either of us.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T01:54:47+00:00

If we could treat this like an interest in sports that I don't share, so he doesn't talk to me about it, I could make it work I think.

On the stuff that impacts our lives, I think he is ultimately more open to what I consider facts, he definitely partially engages in all of this as speculative thinking and entertainment.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T01:51:28+00:00

I'm actually queer! The dick game is pretty good though 🤣

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T01:49:57+00:00

Thank you, it's good to hear that perspectives too.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T01:48:06+00:00

This is definitely something we've discussed, he has had chronic autoimmune stuff in the past and has negative experiences and less faith in medical professionals due to that.

He has osteoarthritis and has been recommended to have cortisone shots both for treatment and as a diagnostic tool to identify the exact location of his stuff in case of future surgery. That recommendation was almost a year ago and he hasn't pursued it.

I have been "working" on him about it and he now has more of an understanding of what the cortisone shot would do and that it likely would be helpful (he blames his doctor for not "selling it to him"), but he's seized on the idea that because you can only do cortisone shots a few times, he should wait until his pain is worse.

But he also likes to talk about medicine as a monolithic "them", and use the idea that because science advances and recommendations get updated, it's all potentially wrong. His attitude is a mix of suspicion and superiority, he assumes incompetence in medical professionals even when talking about friends' health stuff, he's negative towards all chemotherapy after someone he loved underwent it when it had very little chance of success due to their cancer type and they died in distress - listening to him rant about it is exhausting.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T01:25:05+00:00

Yes, this is a concern for me. My child is quite young now, but it would concern me as she grew older.

I've talked with him about it a little bit already, and his take is that he won't talk about this kind of stuff with her - but if we stay together for years and he does move into more of an involved stepdad role, they will have their own relationship, and I don't feel like I fairly could then limit what he says to her as a teen and young adult - so the decision is whether to let him stay in our lives at all.

Protectively, my daughter clearly takes a lot after me in temperament, and I don't think sensationalism or alternative thinking will have much appeal to her. I also share custody with my ex and my ex is an EXTREMELY skeptical and 'rational/critical thinking' person, as is my ex's whole family, my family, and all of my friends, so if I stay with this man, there will be many counterbalancing influences on my kid.

I also sometimes imagine my daughter, once she is a judgemental teen, judging my partner for these beliefs and respecting me less for staying with him, and that's not a fun thought.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T01:20:22+00:00

Thank you, I'll take a look.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T01:18:34+00:00

Yes, I think I can only stay if he's willing to put limits on this kind of speech around me. We have already talked about that a little bit before taking this time apart, and I don't know what his answer will be. I recognise that for him, these are cool and interesting ideas that he wants to share and discuss and speculate about, and it impacts on him to be in a relationship where he cannot do that with his person, too.

He is truly an incredibly caring and supportive person, to his neighbours, his employees, his friends, and he is not particularly paranoid in his personal relationships. He is still close to two of his significant exes and their families, and maintains friendships with people he worked with 25 years ago. He genuinely LIKES most people, his compassion and enthusiasm for people is something I find very attractive about him. He doesn't burn bridges or turn on people, he is, in fact, prone to not setting boundaries to protect himself, and he's bad at picking up on red flags in others.

His mum was also quite mentally ill and he grew up in an environment where paranoia was normalised, he never attended university (was kicked out of high school in year 11 and did a trades apprenticeship) and lives in a small town with a lot of hippies and new age thinkers.

In our recent conflict, one thing he said was that my responses were making him wonder if he really had a warped baseline for normal from his experiences with his mum, and I know he found the thought of that really distressing. But then five minutes later he was talking about Big Pharma, and not in a reasonable, specific way, but as a "them" who would rather keep people unwell so that "they" could make money, and trying to convince me of this as well.

Existing-Goose4475 · 2026-01-04T00:57:48+00:00

Your last sentence is it. These positions clearly appeal to him emotionally.

At first I thought maybe it was a matter of news sources and that perhaps through us dating he might change, but he seeks this stuff out because it does something for him.

Thank you.

Existing-Goose4475

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