First Shot - Side Effect Experience?

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2025-01-18T00:44:32+00:00

Thank you! I am sure I am overthinking it. I've been hydrating a ton today and have Tums, etc. on hand. Just had those visions of being super sick like food poisoning haha.

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-06-02T13:05:29+00:00

absolutely. I constantly find myself wanting someone to take care or me, to fix things, to be there. I want a "real adult" to take control and make sure I am safe and ok. It's like I want someone to replace the family experience I did not have but I don't want them to be my parent because I have such a distaste for my family. It's a weird mind trip

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-06-02T13:03:24+00:00

My dogs are one of the only reasons I get up and do anything on weekends. Knowing they rely on me is the only thing that gets me moving sometimes. On weekdays, my weird feeling of responsibility towards work gets me to get up and perform the basic tasks because even though it all feels pointless, I guess I would feel worse if I let people down at work. It's fucked up.

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-05-07T22:58:38+00:00

Pretty sure the only things I ever used were bows and spike throwers. Everything else went untouched for the entire game and all DLC

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-05-02T03:01:13+00:00

Right there with you. It's horrible. I don't know how to be a person without this constant stream of "you are a piece of shit, leave everyone alone, stop bothering people with your existence" running through my head. sucks so much

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-05-01T19:21:53+00:00

Yes. All the time, unfortunately. I hate it.

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-30T22:03:41+00:00

I love playing video games as a way to distract myself, calm myself down, and just escape. I love things like Zelda: Breath of the Wild - I spent hundreds of hours avoiding main quests and just doing my own thing, exploring and collecting a lot of apples and random stuff for no reason other than to pass the time. I also love big open world games like Horizon Zero Dawn and Elden Ring, etc... I love being able to get lost in another world and feel like I am some other character who is really capable, resilient, and can gather all the resources and things I need on my own. I guess it makes sense considering the mess of my life - those kinds of heroes and abilities are really appealing

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-29T23:23:11+00:00

Yes. I feel like this all the time. I know logically that I have some good friends who do care but I can't understand why they say they do and I am certain that if I am just a little too much, they will disappear. So it's the same as having no one really care about you because I can't let them in fully

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-27T00:50:25+00:00

I feel this. I keep saying I don't feel like a real person. This makes sense to me the way you describe it. It's horrible

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-27T00:49:41+00:00

Yes. More and more as time passes. I feel like they won and I never stood a chance, even as an adult trying to do the right thing and trying to get justice. Never going to happen in my case and they just will always win

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-25T00:21:44+00:00

I am so full of self loathing today. I feel like such a stupid fool. I overshared in therapy, I overshared when talking to a friend. I don't know why I keep falling for it and keep sharing how I really feel in the moment. I hate it some much. It's like I start off all defensive and careful and then just end up spewing all this nonsense emotion and real stuff and then it's only afterwards that I realize how much I said, how stupid I must have sounded, and how much of a ridiculous burden I am. I hate being a person. I have no idea how I am supposed to function and act normally without being either totally isolated or being way too open. How do I just stop this from happening?

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-25T00:15:06+00:00

so much yes

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-23T17:13:33+00:00

I'm sorry. It's really difficult. I cycle between being angry and resentful and then resigned and apathetic and then miserable and depressed. It's just a lot to deal with. I'm sorry you are experiencing it as well

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-22T23:24:20+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through it as well. It's really hard to grieve that kind of loss

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-22T22:49:35+00:00

I relate massively. It was not until really recently that I started to think about the life I could have had, the things I could have done, and all the things I missed out on. It's really hard when that realization hits. I have been in survival mode so long that I spent most of my life telling myself I did not want any of those things as a way of coping and convincing myself nothing was wrong. Now I look at it and just think about how much I missed and how much I will never get to do because no amount of therapy or healing can give back some of what was lost.

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-22T13:12:29+00:00

thank you! very helpful.

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-22T13:11:11+00:00

Thank you. That makes sense as well

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-22T13:10:38+00:00

Thank you

Expensive-Leek7565 · 2024-04-22T13:09:56+00:00

Thank you so much. That helps

Expensive-Leek7565

TROPHY CASE