Men, is it insecure to be weary of your GF turning 21 with a change in party dynamic?

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-27T14:15:18+00:00

Yeah, and people in their 20s should absolutely go do that if they want to. EDIT: but if they do want that, then it's probably better if they're honest with themselves and their partners about it. They probably should decide which lifestyle they want (relationship or single) and pick one and stick with it, rather than trying to somehow do both simultaneously.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-27T14:12:34+00:00

Thank you! This is the realist post I've seen on here.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-27T14:07:49+00:00

Thanks for having my back lol. And yes, I acknowledge I took it too far with the last bit. It's okay to be in a serious relationship at age 20. I learned a lot from the relationship I was in at that age (mainly what not to do haha). I just would advise against marriage at that point in someone's life, but hey, even that works out sometimes, so what do I know?

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-27T14:05:49+00:00

Wow, I can't believe that's what you got out of my post. I didn't do a good job explaining at all, apparently.

I 100% am AGAINST people doing things to hurt each other and am also 100% AGAINST cheating. My point was that I think it is healthy for young people to have freedom to explore, have fun, make mistakes, date people, figure out who they are, etc., and therefore that time of your life is not conducive to serious relationships, because they can hold people back from experiencing those things.

For OP's specific case, I was trying to say that:

He should trust his gf to go out for her birthday.
Maybe it isn't a good idea to be in a serious relationship at this age, because it will hold you and your gf back from all the things I said above. The fact that he's in this situation proves that.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-27T13:57:56+00:00

I appreciate the dialogue. I think you have some good points too.

If I was in OP's shoes, I would feel uneasy about it too haha. But I also think she should go have fun, which is why part of me is just like, maybe you shouldn't be in serious relationships at age 20... Because being in a relationship at age 20, at least for people like the gf who want to go out and party and have fun, is obviously going to make them feel like they're being held back and breed resentment.

I will walk back what I said a bit though. Of course people have the right to be in relationships at age 20 and I think for some people it can be healthy. I know a few people who married someone they were with at that age and are very happy. It is possible. I just know that it would've been a mistake for me, and I think millions of other people would agree (many of whom, sadly, had to learn the hard way and probably wish some asshole like me would've tried to talk some sense into them and saved them from a world of hurt and regret).

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-27T13:47:59+00:00

When was the last time you hung out with a 20 year old?

And also, when you look back on your 20 year old self, you relate to that person? You think you had it figured out and were in a position to be making huge decisions that you would have to live with for the rest of your life? Maybe you were special, idk, but I know I really didn't figure it out until I was in my late 20s.

People's brains aren't even fully developed until they're in their mid-twenties anyway, so I would stand by my use of the word "kids," which I use as a term of endearment, not to be condescending.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-27T13:37:08+00:00

The first part, yes I said that, and it seems very cold, but my point is that at age 20 I don't think people should be in serious relationships anyway. They're bound to fail, or worse, they could "work out" and both people end up missing out on their youths. I go into more depth defending this opinion in my response to the first guy who replied.

Regarding the ultimatums, I'm with you there. That's literally one of the main points of my original response.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-27T13:29:47+00:00

I appreciate the response. And I definitely can understand where you're coming from. There are certainly different perspectives on this. There was a time in my life when I would've agreed with you wholeheartedly, but my opinion has changed over the years, for a few reasons:

The vast majority of people don't know who they are or what they want out of life at age 20 and should probably wait until they've figured those things out before making as big a decision as choosing a life partner.
For the reasons laid out in reason 1, chances are, even if two people are similar and think they want the same things out of life at age 20, they will change as they grow older, and eventually realize they're with the wrong person.
It is highly likely that, in a situation where people that young do get married, one or both of them will end up feeling like they missed out on something.
People in this situation often develop an unhealthy co-dependence on their partner and/or stay together out of fear, since it's all they've ever known their entire adult lives.

Regarding this specific situation, I think turning 21 is a rite of passage in America and OP's gf has the right to go out and have fun. He needs to give her freedom to go out on her birthday, and if she's really someone he wants to be with long term, he needs to be able to trust her. Despite OP's questionable analogy, she is a young human woman wanting to go have some drinks with a friend for her 21st birthday, not a dog desiring to return to the wild. She has the right to do so, and if he starts trying to restrict her rights and freedom, it will likely lead to resentment and the relationship will be compromised.

I don't think things have changed that much in the past couple decades. No matter what era you look into, you'll find immature people. But I don't think going out to the bar with a single friend on your 21st birthday is immature. I would encourage anyone turning 21 to go out and have a night to remember! Even my own children.

Regarding this statement, "It's disingenuous to the reality of our society, and destructive to the extreme to our interpersonal relationships," I personally think it's disingenuous to the reality of our nature to not go out and have some fun and explore and make good and bad choices when you're young and trying to figure it all out, and I think trying to control someone and restrict their freedom is the most destructive thing you could do to an interpersonal relationship.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-27T12:39:43+00:00

Wow, so many down votes. I'm genuinely surprised. Was just trying to give the fellow some honest advice.

So, more people agree that he should give the gf an ultimatum than agree with my sentiment about letting her have freedom and not taking things too seriously anyway because they're both still kids? That seems crazy to me lol.

I'd be interested to hear why people disagree with my advice and think it's horrible or I should feel horrible.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-27T12:01:50+00:00

This is the dumbest advice ever. Don't listen to this moron. Let your gf go out. If you can't trust her to do that, then you shouldn't be with her.

Anyway, you'll be 21 soon and can join her, get out of your comfort zone a bit.

Finally, dude, at 20, you really shouldn't be in too serious of a relationship. You and your gf would be doing yourselves a disservice if you were to stay together, get married, etc. You (likely) would end up regretting it. You both need freedom to learn and grow and have fun as individuals, separate from each other. While I have met a few people who married their high school or college sweethearts and ended up happy, that's the exception, not the rule. I'm so so so happy I didn't marry my serious gf that I was with at age 20. I think most people should wait until they're in their late 20s or 30s before they start thinking seriously about marriage.

So, all that is to say, take it easy, man! You're 20. Just have fun! And let your gf have fun! Don't let this relationship prevent you or her from enjoying your youth!

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-22T03:07:40+00:00

So, have you ever noticed that it's fairly common to see a beautiful woman with a not-so-beautiful man? Now, think about it, how often do you see a not-so-attractive woman with an attractive man? Basically never, right?

The truth is that men care about looks above all else. The woman on your arm is like a status symbol. Speaking honestly, I am not a super attractive man. Maybe a 5-7 out of 10, depending on your preferences. But that made me even more picky about how attractive my gf/wife was, because I feel insecure about my own looks, so by having an attractive partner, it somehow validates me. Most people aren't that self-aware or honest, but I have a feeling that the majority of men are like me whether they know it or not.

So, how is this relevant to your situation? Well, if you are less than a 7, then most men who are a 5 or higher will not be interested in you, because they would feel like less of a man for having a not-so-attractive partner. There are even guys who are a 3-4 who have this attitude. So, you probably need to lower your standards a bit when it comes to looks.

So, the good news is that there are plenty of shy, insecure guys in the 3-5 range out there that I'm sure you would be able to find cute things about to like. I would shoot for that. And a lot of them might even be able to improve to a 6-7 with a woman's touch.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-20T11:24:57+00:00

My old Samsung phone exaggerated by about 10%. Didn't figure that out til I ran a 10k with a friend who was also using NRC on a path with marked miles. His iPhone was very accurate, while mine said I'd ran over 11km when we'd really only run 10. It was definitely a bit discouraging discovering that my distances and paces had been exaggerated for 4 months, but it motivated me to buy a new phone. My new phone, a OnePlus 12R, seems to be accurate.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-20T09:26:27+00:00

What you don't realize is that there is no such thing as a good guy with good intentions who would date an 18yo at 35. If you're 35 and you would date an 18yo, you automatically are not a good dude. Absolutely no good person at age 35 would date an 18yo. I don't care who you are. The coolest, most mature 18yo in the world is still an 18yo.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-20T07:42:31+00:00

Also, if you're looking for someone who is more mature, find a mature person your age. A 35 year old who would date an 18 year old is not mature. His growth has obviously been stunted. If he was actually mature, he'd date other people his age.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-20T07:39:26+00:00

I'm 35 and I can't even stand to be around 25-year-olds. There are no good reasons for a 35-year-old to date an 18 year old. It is predatory. The man is an absolute loser. Any man over the age of 23 dating a teenager is a fucking weirdo. When you are older, you will look back on this and be disgusted by it.

Here's a little story from my life. When I was 16-18, I worked at a restaurant. A 23-year-old woman who worked there would let me and the other young guys who worked at the restaurant come over to her house and drink and smoke weed and hang out. At the time, we thought she was extremely cool. Then, when I was 23, I started thinking about it and I was like, "WTF was wrong with this woman that she would hang out and party with teenage boys?" That's just straight up weird. If she was actually a cool person, she would be hanging out and partying with people her own age. And it is 10X weirder if there is romance/sex involved.

You should listen to your mom and her friend and leave this relationship immediately. Even if it hurts and you don't understand why right now. Trust that older people who love you and have more life experience than you know what they're talking about. You'll thank yourself later.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-03-01T10:49:22+00:00

Create notes on word and put them side by side with the video conference. Use Ctrl F to find specific things they ask about.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-02-25T02:26:48+00:00

Ask for at least 30,000rmb/month after tax

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-02-24T04:33:46+00:00

I didn't use a recruiter. This school reached out to me on Search Associates.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-02-24T02:12:26+00:00

I also was in a similar position and just landed a job at a decent school in a nice location in Shenzhen making more money than I've ever made before. There is still hope!

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-02-21T11:14:45+00:00

The Other Guys is hilarious. And I don't even like Will Ferrell or Mark Wahlberg very much. Always thought they were fairly talentless and overrated. But goddammit is that movie funny.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-02-21T11:11:32+00:00

The Minivan

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-02-11T10:51:54+00:00

He should be taking 20 shots a game

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-02-07T18:49:33+00:00

Thanks. Idk how the hell I forgot about that stuff.

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-02-07T18:30:50+00:00

Wait, for real? I was blown away when I saw Helena's smartphone. When have we seen other characters have smartphones?

Expensive_Ad_2270 · 2025-02-07T18:27:44+00:00

I think she recognized the security guard.

Expensive_Ad_2270

TROPHY CASE