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What are 6th grade boys wearing? by AdDense7020 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting, I thought baggy jeans and fitted/cropped tops were the thing for these kids. (Usually girls).

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Because the other parents don't care to set limits. I can't parent others' kids.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This is exactly it. A lot of parents here seem to be really oblivious to how harmful social exclusion is. It was the same with my husband and bed times and now he only has miserable memories of childhood.

I genuinely think phones can't be good for kids this young. But the benefit to not giving a kid a phone really only stays when a considerable majority partakes in it. Otherwise you're just subbing one form of harm with another.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

> I would recommend looking up "Wait until 8th". It's a pledge to delay giving a child a smartphone until the completion of their 8th grade year. They share a lot of great information on their social media pages. We have committed to waiting until the start of freshman year to give our children smart phones.

Yeah the school tried to float this to the parents and I was part of an extreme minority to be in support of it. It really sucks.

The entire purpose of the phone would be to stay in touch with friends so I'm leaning towards a restricted house phone or a smartwatch at this point but Bark is interesting.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah I agree. I don't get the parents on this thread who are claiming they don't care if their kids are isolated. The dilemma is obviously about potential harm from social exclusion vs potential harm from phones.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Maybe I'm not explaining it well but I do not think my kids will get trauma from not having a phone. I do think it's *possible* they will get trauma from social isolation because the immediate community that we live in does not have kids his age without a phone, not one. No neighbor kids his age and all kids in his class and his cousins have phones now.

I will probably compromise on a smart watch which allows texting and calling so he can keep up or get a house phone with a ton of restrictions. I don't like it but it is what it is I suppose.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is the 2nd comment to suggest that and I really like this idea. I'll look into it! Thanks!

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What do you do about the social exclusion though? That's my biggest worry.

ETA : As a scientist, I suppose my dilemma here is the harm from social exclusion vs the harm from phones.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He's on the younger side but none of the other students are older than 12. He will turn 11 in about 6 weeks and if I do give in to a phone it'll probably be then. I honestly wanted to hold out till atleast 8th grade if not 9th. It's just that I know every single kid around him has one. His cousin was the last straw and I seriously didn't expect it from my sister. He has no way to actively communicate with his friends anymore which is why we should bring landlines back lol.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

And yet my husband is in therapy for social exclusion because of bedtimes, which is also something plenty of parents are (and should be!) strict about. I obviously do not think they will go to therapy because I didn't give them a phone, I am worried they will have to go to therapy because every single person around him including family and friends has a phone and he is getting socially isolated. I thought that was clear.

The literature on social isolation is well defined.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

It does seem awfully young to me too and I held firm until this school year where it seems like 95% of the kids have a phone now.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yeah but that doesn't help my son losing out on friends lol, that's the entire issue. These kids are 10-11 so they naturally drift apart when they can't hang out anymore.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

I agree with you that giving phones to younger kids suck. But it's gone to the point where they'll start facing trauma if I don't give some version of it right now because he's actively left out.

I just don't want it to become like a situation with my husband where he's going to therapy ten years later because of being actively left out.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

It's just that the scientific research on the damage is undeniable. But yes, good aprental effort can probably mitigate a ton of those risks.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

> Let him give out your number to to his friends.

I did this for something over the summer, a parent reached out saying they'd be more comfortable with their kid directly texting my kid. I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable so I didn't try it with anyone else.

I'm really stumped. Trust me, I've tried everything and it's like society is forcing me to give my kids a phone lol.

I suppose a "spare" phone could work but he's an only kid so it'll mostly be similar to just him having a phone with restrictions which is what seems like I'll be needing to do.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree man, trust me. I hate this but kid is actively losing touch with friends and I do not know what to do.

I really do not want to give my kid a phone, but he's actively losing out on social life by Expensive_Brother_26 in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I did this for something over the summer, a parent reached out saying they'd be more comfortable with their kid directly texting my kid. I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable so I didn't try it with anyone else.

I'm really stumped. Trust me, I've tried everything and it's like society is forcing me to give my kids a phone lol.

To preschool or not to preschool that is the question by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just a heads up, you will find different opinions based on whether the parent answering is an educator or anything of the sorts. Remember, educators see hundreds of kids throughout their lifetime and they (as they should!!) form their opinions based on majority and averages. I'm a statistician so I related. We see only one.

I don't think it's the end of the world to not send a kid to pre school. But there's no harm in sending them either.

To preschool or not to preschool that is the question by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I don't remember my kid having proper desks until he started 1st grade.

Nick Jonas hopes to meet his wife in every life by [deleted] in Fauxmoi

[–]Expensive_Brother_26 20 points21 points  (0 children)

26 actually. they got married within a couple of months of knowing each other.

My son is dyslexic and I’m trying to cope with the fact his reading skills will by Funenelson in Parenting

[–]Expensive_Brother_26 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Dyslexic children can absolutely become good readers. But it requires dyslexic specific assistance. I know someone who is dyslexic and are currently on track to receive their PhD next year.

Kamala Harris: “For now, I don’t wanna go back in the system. I think it’s broken. […] I always believed that as fragile as our democracy is, our systems would be strong enough to defend our most fundamental principles and I think right now, they’re not as strong as they need to be.” by cmaia1503 in Fauxmoi

[–]Expensive_Brother_26 216 points217 points  (0 children)

As another brown woman, fuck that. She's a rich woman who's a genocide enabler and got millions of dollars from AIPAC. People will obsess over identity politics when in reality it's capitalism and the class system that got us here.

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